


Era Moreugetda

by clare009



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-05-03 12:30:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14569044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clare009/pseuds/clare009
Summary: Jiyong gets an offer from Seungri he can't refuse, no matter how much he'll regret it.





	1. Indecent Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know about the personal lives of Kwon Jiyong or Lee Seungri, this is all make believe.

Jiyong was halfway between innebriation and sleep. Even though the music in the club was loud, the beat thumping a counterpoint to his pulse, he felt boneless with a level of relaxation he wasn't usually able to achieve. He sat sprawled in the plush oversized chair in the cordoned off VIP area and was hypnotized by the grinding bodies of the dancers on the floor below. 

A hand squeezed his shoulder, and he looked up just as Seungri brushed past him, a good-looking woman in tow, and flopped down on the sofa next to him. Seungri grinned at him, his face glistening with sweat, as the woman climbed on his lap and began to tease his neck with her lips. Jiyong had long since forgotten to be surprised about this sort of display: some nameless woman plastered all over his maknae, often a slightly older woman at that.

Reaching for his glass, Jiyong took a long swallow of the bitter red, his eyes now firmly fixed on his bandmate and the woman. Seungri appeared to be enjoying his predicament, he'd shut his eyes and stretched to expose his neck while his hands had slipped down to grasp the her ass. She did have a nice ass.

Jiyong flicked his gaze from Seungri's hands upwards and allowed himself a moment to appreciate the smooth jawline the woman was licking. He'd also long since given up the fantasy that he could possibly be the one doing that exact move. Seungri was as straight as a fucking arrow, and as much as he'd always been willing to play it up for the fans, the thought of anything remotely sexual with another man had never crossed his mind, Jiyong was pretty damn sure about that.

Not that Jiyong had much experience venturing down that road himself. South Korea wasn't a place that tolerated that type of perversion, so rather than risk it, he'd just kept his proclivities very tightly guarded. God forbid he cause that kind of scandal--being found with a woman was bad enough. He was pretty sure it would be the absolute end to not only his career, but that of his bandmates, and it would probably sink YG as well. The responsibilities that rested on his slim shoulders were enough for him to keep his dick in his pants and his hands to himself around members of both sexes. Mostly, that is.

The woman had transitioned to grinding on top of Seungri, her movements synchronized to the beat from the dance floor, while Jiyong passively watched. If this continued much longer, he knew his maknae would be dragging her out of there to find a secluded spot to finish the job. Didn't mean he was going to stop staring at them while they were carrying on right in front of him. Maybe he was a pervert, but he wasn't hurting anyone, and Seungri sure as hell didn't care, he was too into what the woman was doing, and she wasn't paying him any attention either. 

When she turned and looked directly at him, he blinked in surprise. Her gaze was direct. Had she figured out what he was doing? Thinking? As she continued watch him, she slowly let her hand trail down Seungri's neck, she fingered the wide v-neck of his t-shirt and then slipped her hand underneath the fabric. Seungri hissed as she found his nipple, and Jiyong had to bite back his own hiss. If he was close to sleep before, now he was fully awake and focused. 

The woman had the audacity to smirk, then she leaned down and whispered something in to Seungri's ear before climbing off and sauntering back past Jiyong on her way out of the VIP area. Jiyong noticed how Seungri's eyes followed the sway of her hips. 

After she was gone, Seungri coughed and rubbed his neck, then turned to grin sheepishly at Jiyong. 

"You let her get away," Jiyong said, his own mouth twisting into a smirk. 

"She hasn't gone far," Seungri said, his eyes glinting in the low light, then he leaned forward over the arm of the couch, "Actually, hyung, do you wanna know what she said to me?"

Not really, Jiyong thought. "Sure."

Seungri licked his lips and his eyes darted away from Jiyong's face. "What she said was that she wants to do us both."

Jiyong snorted. "I'm sure she does." Why brag about fucking one idol when you can brag about fucking two?

"At the same time," Seungri completed. He gave a tight laugh. "Can you believe it?"

Jiyong felt his heart start to beat a little too fast for his liking. "Really?" he asked as casually as possible.

"I mean, it's out of the question," Seungri glanced at him, then looked away. "Right?"

"Of course," Jiyong's voice sounded hoarse all of a sudden. He was bombarded with images of watching the woman fuck his maknae and he wasn't sure if it made him feel sick or turned on. Maybe both. 

"I mean it's kind of perverted," Seungri continued. "But it's not like we'd be doing things to each other… Just her, you know, doing things to each of us. Or us to her. How does that even work? I get two girls and a guy, but two guys and a girl? It just sounds weird." Jiyong could only nod. "Although, I bet it would be hot."

Jiyong choked. He covered with a shrug. "It could be. Maybe."

"Have you done something like this before, hyung?" Seungri said, suddenly staring at him.

"I? No… I mean… No." Not technically anyway.

Seungri nodded. "Me either." He fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket. "Do you wanna?" 

Jiyong's eyebrows flew up into his hair. Did his maknae just ask him if he wanted to be part of a threesome with him?

"She seemed really hot for the idea. I don't know. It could be fun." Seungri shrugged. "As I said, it's not gay or anything. But if you're not into it, then that's okay."

"Yes," Jiyong blurted. Hello wind, here's caution, he thought. 

"You sure? It's not gonna make us all weird is it?" Seungri motioned between the two of them.

"I think we can handle it." Jiyong wasn't so sure about himself, but that was his problem. He wasn't going to waste an opportunity when it was presented to him like this. He'd pay for it with regret and massive amounts of guilt later. 

"Okay." Seungri nodded. "Okay then." He flopped back on the sofa and gave Jiyong a quick nervous laugh. "Let's go--she's waiting."

Jiyong could only mutely stand and follow Seungri. It could be he was forgetting something important about why this might not be a good idea.

They left the club in a blur of colors and pathway of gyrating bodies. Black clad security guards muscled them through the crowd and out the back door where a car was waiting. The air outside was cool and the thump of the club music was left behind as they climbed into the silence of the car's back seat, leaving Jiyong feeling like he had been dunked in sobering water. 

He glanced over at Seungri as the car pulled out of the alley and turned into the lit street ahead. His maknae was looking out of the window, his fingers drumming against his thighs to a beat only he could hear. Were they really on their way to meet up some women he hadn't even been introduced to supposedly so that they could have sex together? The effects of the wine he'd been drinking were fading rapidly, and Jiyong starting to think about everything that was wrong with this plan. Now he remembered why it wasn't such a good idea. Fuck.

"How do you know this woman?" He said in a low voice. 

"Hmm?" Seungri turned from his perusal of the passing lights and his drumming fingers stilled. "Oh she's good, you don't have to worry."

"You sure?"

"You can trust me. She's an actress here, she's not going to let any hint of a scandal get out. You're not backing out are you? I won't hold it against you if you do."

He shook his head. "I'm still game."

Seungri grinned at him, but Jiyong had a feeling his maknae was nervous. "Should we make a pact not to mention this to any of the others?"

Jiyong didn't really care, but if that made his maknae feel a bit more secure about the whole thing… "I won't say anything if you don't."

"Okay. You still have time to pull out if you don't want to. I could ask the driver to drop you back off at our hotel."

Now Jiyong grinned. His maknae really was giving him every opportunity to turn down the offer. "Oh no. I'm looking forward to seeing how this plays out." The cocky bastard that lived inside him decided to tease. He lowered his lids halfway as he gazed at Seungri, then raised his finger to his mouth and gently sucked at the tip. 

Seungri swallowed involuntarily, then snapped his head to face the window. 

Jiyong couldn't help his chuckle. His maknae had no idea what he was getting himself into, but Jiyong was going to enjoy the hell out of himself.

The driver pulled up to the back entrance of an expensive looking hotel--almost as nice as the one they were currently staying at--and one of the staff, probably a manager of some sort, greeted them at the door. The manager bowed, said some words in Japanese that were too fast for Jiyong to understand, but Seungri seemed to because he waved at Jiyong to follow the manager. From there they entered a service elevator that took them to the penthouse. 

Jiyong didn't know what to expect, but the suite they walked into was a spacious open concept decorated in an off-beat sophistication that he could appreciate. The lights were dimmed, the music low and unobnoxious and the woman from the club was walking towards them with two glasses of champagne in nothing but her black lace bra and thong. Perfect for an evening of debauchery. 

She handed Seungri his drink before kissing him full on the mouth, and then she turned to press the other glass of champagne into Jiyong's hand. "I'm glad you decided to join us," she said, and he was surprised that she spoke Korean with only a slight accent. She smiled and answered his unasked question. "My grandmother on my father's side is Korean."

Jiyong didn't give a fuck if her grandmother was from another planet. He took an obligatory sip of the drink, then set it down on a nearby table. He strutted over to a black leather chair and flopped down into it. "Why don't you two continue what you were doing earlier?" He pointed at the sofa. 

The woman raised an eyebrow at him but turned toward Seungri anyway. The maknae's eyes flicked to him for a moment before he settled on downing his drink and turning back to the woman to drag her in for a long deep kiss. The woman swayed her ass as she leaned into the kiss, her attempt to draw his attention obvious, but Jiyong didn't feel the need to stare at her. He only cocked his head at the way his maknae was shoving his tongue down her throat without much finesse. 

Seungri was getting into the kiss, he could tell by the way the other's hands were occupied now with kneading the her ass, but the woman broke away, leaving Seungri with a glazed look. She walked up to Jiyong and leaned down to boldly kiss him on the mouth. 

It wasn't a bad kiss. She was skilled, and he had nothing against kissing women, he liked kissing women, in fact, so he parted his lips and allowed her the chance to taste him. The moment she dragged her tongue against his, the bight flavor of the champagne that Seungri had been drinking burst across his tongue and Jiyong felt the jolt of electricity directly in his balls. 

She pulled away and winked at him. She turned to Seungri but pointed at Jiyong. "Now you two."

Jiyong shot a look at his maknae whose eyes had flown wide. "We can skip that part," he said roughly.

"Please," the woman said, giving them a coy look, "it's only fair. You both got to watch me kiss each of you. You have no idea how much it would turn me on."

Seungri shrugged, obviously trying to look cool in front of the woman. "It's only a kiss. But if Jiyongah doesn't want to…"

Jiyong stood up so fast his head spun for a second. "I'm not against it. I was only trying to spare you."

"It can't be all that different from kissing a girl," Seungri said. 

A bubble of laughter burst from him. Jiyong had kissed men before, and he knew that it wasn't anything like kissing a woman. But Seungri was going to have to figure that out for himself. There was no way in hell he was going to let the chance to kiss his maknae go. Jiyong stalked towards Seungri who took an involuntary step back. That's right, Jiyong thought, I'm not playing around now, baby. 

The maknae managed not to give up anymore ground, and Jiyong reached up to cup his jaw in a gesture that was familiar to both of them. Fucking fan service. But this time there was only one pair of eyes watching them, and she may as well have not even been there, because as soon as Jiyong looked up at Seungri, everything else around them faded into grey. Seungri, his bandmate, his maknae, was one of the few people in the world he genuinely loved. It was always his parents, his sister and then Seungri. His attraction to the younger man was also no joke. From literally the first moment Jiyong had set eyes on him as a scrawny teenager, smarting off to the judges on the audition program he was on, he'd felt what only could be described as lust. When he'd met Seungri in person the following week, the feeling was so strong he'd wanted to crawl out of his skin. It had shocked the hell out of him, discovering in this way that he liked men in the same way as women. Maybe more. He'd tried his damn best to ignore it, especially in those first months, but in the end nobody could ignore the maknae, no matter how hard they tried, and so Jiyong had just learned how to live with it. 

But here he was, after years of suppressing all this desire, and the object of it was waiting for him to kiss him. 

Fuck it. 

He pressed his lips gently to Seungri's. Starting slowly, he slanted his mouth, sliding his slightly chapped lips against Seungri's soft ones. Warmth flooded through him at just this simple contact, heating his skin, reddening his ears and neck, and drawing blood to his groin. His hand moved to cup the back of Seungri's neck and he angled the kiss for greater access, this time darting his tongue out to lick. 

Amazingly, Seungri didn't back away, as Jiyong half expected him to. He let him tease his mouth open, allowed him to slip his tongue between his teeth, and when Jiyong took full advantage of deepening the kiss and tasting the bitter champagne first hand, he responded by kissing him back. 

Holy shit. He was kissing Seungri, and Seungri was kissing him back. Any remaining thought fled as the rest of his blood rushed to his groin and his rapidly stiffening dick. His knees almost buckled from the swiftness of it, and he would have sunk to the ground if it had not been for a strong arm that had crept around his waist and held onto him tightly.


	2. The Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after...

He was suffocating. Not really suffocating, because he could still breathe, but his chest felt heavy, like something was pressing down on it, and he was sweating enough to make the bed sheets damp--god, maybe he was having a heart attack. The thought was enough to spur him fully awake and see the reason for his discomfort: a mop of light brown hair belonging to the head of one Kwon Jiyong who was fast asleep, half on top of him and half wrapped around him like a human squid. 

Also, he was naked. They both were. 

Seungri winced at the pounding in his head. His stomach did a roll as he tried to piece together reality of the situation. Not the first time, he thought, although the total lack of clothing was new. 

He began the process of prying his personal leech away from his body, a long process because no sooner had he released one hand from where it was wrapped around his torso, then the other would sneak back around and anchor itself firmly back in place. It was purely instinct on the leech's part; Jiyong was dead to the world, and if experience was anything to go by, nothing short of an earthquake would rouse him.

Seungri tried to think about the previous night. He knew he'd had a certain amount to drink--alcohol didn't really impair his function when he was drunk, or at least he was very good at faking sober, but it typically came back to bite him in the ass the next day. In typical fashion he now felt sick to his stomach and was experiencing some severe brain fog. His brows furrowed as he looked down at Jiyong. He could have sworn he was hitting on some actress the night before, or was she a model? Either way, how the hell did he end up in bed with his hyung? 

Seungri's de-leeching efforts slowed, his brain moving at the pace of sludge. A thought was trying to flag his attention. This was an important one. So, he was pretty sure he was with a woman last night. He was also pretty sure sex was involved. Fucking fantastic sex, if the ache in his limbs was any indication. So that would explain why he was naked and in bed. Where they hell did Jiyong fit into all of this? 

He froze as the thought finally crash landed into his brain. 

No.

Nope.

He did not have sex with his hyung. Surely he would have remembered…

Images from the night before began to trickle back. The model, no actress, grinding up on him, making him horny, didn't help he was drunk, he was always horny when he was drunk, then she made a suggestion, a little three-way action, with none other than his hyung, the man he respected the most out of everyone in his life, his Jiyongie that he loved liked the brother he'd never had.

And he… oh god… he had thought it was a fantastic idea.

Un-fucking-believable. 

Seungri groaned as his head dropped into his hands. 

When was he going to listen to himself and stop drinking? It always got him into trouble. And he'd definitely crossed the line last night. He glanced at the soundly asleep Jiyong and felt his stomach roll again. How was he going to even face him when he woke up? 

With one violent twist, Seungri freed himself from Jiyong's grasp and sprinted to find the bathroom. The first door was a closet, so was the second, damn, but the third had a spacious bathroom, and in seconds his knees hit the cold tile as he threw the contents of his stomach up into the white porcelain bowl. 

When his stomach was finally empty, he heaved a few more times, and then collapsed against the toiled with his arms wrapped around the bowl. He let out a loud groan. 

God he hated alcohol. He really did. He was never touching another drop ever again. Never. 

Eventually he got to his feet on shaking legs because he couldn't hide in the bathroom for the rest of his life--Jiyong would be waking up eventually--and stumbled over to the basin. Splashing water on his face, Seungri looked up at the mirror. He squinted. Was that a hickey on his neck? 

Damn, that's exactly what it was. He ghosted his fingers over the spot. The big question was who had been the one to give it to him? He couldn't remember. 

He remembered…. Getting into the car air conditioned car, the lights of Tokyo flashing past, Jiyong on his left. Then the actress… what was her name again? Shit, that was gone, too. This was her place. He remembered that at least. He knew he'd kissed her, he remembered her soft mouth, warm, inviting, drawing him in, heating him up… The rasp of stubble along his chin…

Wait… what? 

Oh. 

He remembered… That look in his hyung's eyes, how he leaned in, his mouth pressed against his, lips strong, smooth and rough, marking him, making the warmth inside him bloom into fire…

Jiyong had kissed him. Really kissed him. Not just a playful buss on the lips or cheek. Full on mouth to mouth, all lips, teeth and tongue sort of kiss. And he… Seungri swallowed at the memory… he had not hesitated to kiss him back.

He suddenly felt weak. 

It was just a kiss, that's all. They were drunk. At least Seungri was. But Jiyong must have been, too, because he never would have done something like that unless he wasn't. He knew Jiyong teased him often, but it was just a game between them. His hyung didn't think like that. He nodded to himself. It was no big deal. And he couldn't remember what happened after the kiss anyway. Everything just faded into white. He could just pretend that they'd had some fun with that actress and ignore everything else. If Jiyong remembered more than he did, well, he could just keep it to himself. 

Seungri splashed more water on his face and rinsed his mouth out. He ran his wet fingers through his hair, taming the haystack at least a little bit. Now that he'd sorted out last night in his mind, his next concern was figuring out how to approach today. He should probably find their hostess, thank her for a good time, and then get him and his hyung the hell out of here. He didn't even know what time it was, but lingering was not a good idea. He had enough presence of mind to understand the precariousness of their predicament.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Seungri took in the state of the bedroom. The clothes strewn over the floor were definitely ones that belonged to him and his hyung. There was no sign of the actress they had been with, but he had seen her stuff hanging up in the closets he'd opened earlier. He found his jeans, and pulled them on, then slipped his t-shirt on, too. His jacket wasn't here. Then he picked up Jiyong's clothes and folded them, putting them on the bed next to the prone form. 

Seungri paused as he noticed the bare shoulder and the line of Jiyong's spine that was exposed as he lay curled around a pillow. The archangel tattoo with wings furling into his hairline accentuated the long, elegant shape of his neck. There was an english phrase inked just below one of his sharp shoulder blades, and three more letters, 'Get', just above the base of his spine. He looked so delicate, but not fragile--like his bones were made of aluminum. Light as a feather, but unbreakable. Seungri had always been intrigued by those contrasts. Like the way Jiyong never went anywhere without makeup on, accentuating feminine features, but wore these badass tattoos all over his body. He would wear a leather jacket and a floral scarf and none of it would look out of place. Even his personality was a contrast--the confident and sexy G-Dragon versus the sweet and shy Jiyong. 

His hyung, if he had to be honest, was beautiful in that way. 

Seungri pulled the blankets up a little higher for Jiyong. He'd have to wake him soon, but not yet.

He made his way out of the bedroom and into the rest of the apartment. The shades were still drawn, covering the big windows that probably showed a spectacular view of Tokyo, leaving the interior dim. He was grateful, because the way his head hurt, the dark was better. Fortunately he found his jacket draped over a chair, and better yet, his phone with still a bit of a charge left. The next thing he saw was the note on the kitchen counter.

He picked up the note and squinted at the Japanese characters. He was pretty fluent as a speaker, but he still struggled to read and write in the language, but he made out the gist of the note. She'd left early for work, they were to make themselves comfortable if they so wished, but she wouldn't be back until very late, so she didn't expect them to stay. In other words, feel free to leave any time. 

With pleasure, he thought. He always hated, and tended to avoid as much as possible, morning after moments. 

And with the way he was feeling right now, he wanted to get back to his hotel and collapse into bed for as long as his manager would allow him. Speaking of…

Seungri sighed. He knew he'd need to call his manager-nim sooner rather than later, judging from the several missed calls on his phone. He'd better get this over with. He sat down on the chair next to him and tapped the screen of his phone before putting it to his ear. 

The second the call went through, his manager-nim started yelling. He winced as the pain in his head intensified, as well as the choice names he was being called. 

"Hyungnim, please," Seungri finally said. 

"Seungri-ah, what the fuck to you expect? You and your boyfriend just vanished on me. I've been looking all over for you. I haven't even gone to sleep yet. For once could you just answer your fucking phone?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking--"

"You never think. Never. I hoped Jiyong-ah had more sense than you but I can't get a hold of him either."

Seungri coughed. "He's with me, don't worry."

"Oh, well that's just fucking peachy. You can tell him he's also on my shit list. Did you know I had to lie to Yang Sajang-nim who called me looking for him? Wherever the fuck you two are, you better fucking get back to the hotel right now."

He knew his manager-nim's harsh words were just a sign of how concerned he was for him. What hurt him more was knowing he'd let him down. "Okay, okay. We will, it's only… well the thing is… I think you'd better send a car." He glanced through the bedroom door at his hyung who was still dead to the world, softly snoring into his pillow. "No, actually, you'd better come here. I think I'm going to need your help with Jiyongie hyung--he's still passed out. And we're going to have to be discreet about leaving here."

His manager-nim let fly a few more expletives, then said he'd be right over. "But you get your boyfriend on his feet before I get there." 

Seungri groaned when his phone was silenced. He pulled up the address the actress had texted him last night and forwarded it to his manager hyung. He had a feeling he'd be hearing about this non-stop from his manager-nim for the rest of his stay in Japan. Why did he have to drink? Even worse, why did he have to listen to his dick? His dick always got him into hot water. 

His hands shook as he put his phone down and he wobbled as he got back to his feet. He was in bad shape. He honestly couldn't recall feeling this rotten after a night of drinking and debauchery, and he'd definitely had his fair share. He was more concerned with how they were supposed to sneak out of this hotel. It would be bad enough if one of them was caught on film leaving the residence of a semi-known Japanese actress, but both of them caught leaving would create a scandal that could affect a whole lot more than just them. If he was already feeling queasy, the thought of that possibility made him want puke again.

But manager-nim was an expert in this type of situation. He'd come through for them. And then then they'd never have to speak of it again. 

He walked back over to his hyung and leaned over him. 

"Jiyongah, wake up, Jiyongah," he said softly. He knew the best way to wake up his hyung was to coax and tease him out of his sleep. He put his hand on his shoulder and shook gently. "Jiyongah…"

After a few painstaking minutes of this routine, his hyung finally groaned and mumbled something incoherent into his pillow.

"You have to wake up, hyung, we can't stay here, we need to go back to our hotel, please wake up."

Jiyong twisted his head and his eyes opened into slits. "Leave me alone."

"I will, just let's get back to the hotel first, then you can sleep as much as you want. We can't stay here much longer. Please get up and put your clothes on, hyung." His tone remained calm and soothing.  
"I have to get up?" Jiyong asked with a whine in his voice. 

"Yes, hyung, you have to get up."

"My head hurts."

"I'll get you some medicine as soon as we get back."

Jiyong groaned. "Why does my head hurt, Seungriah?"

Sighing, he let his hand shift to run his fingers through his hyung's hair. "We both drank too much last night. But it's okay, I'll look after you."

Jiyong's brows drew together as he looked up at Seungri. "But I don't think I drank that much, did I?"

"You must have."

"Ugh, I feel sick…" Jiyong made a face, then he shifted around to sit up, letting the sheet fall and exposing his thin frame. Seungri turned his head away, but when Jiyong groaned again he quickly turned back to him. "Seungriah, I think I'm gonna… Oh god, I feel so sick--"

Alarmed, Seungri reacted without thinking. He lifted his hyung clear out of bed and ran him into the bathroom. The moment he set Jiyong down, the older man was bending over the toilet in much the same way Seungri had done earlier. Seungri knelt next to him and made sure to pull his longer hair back while his hyung continued to throw up. The pained expression on Jiyong's face made Seungri's own stomach feel hollow. He'd forgotten all about his own aches and pains and was only concerned with how bad his hyung was feeling. 

Eventually Jiyong was left gulping in air as he shuddered and continued to dry-heave. His whole body seemed to be coated in sweat. Once the tremors had slowed and his hyung was breathing more normally, Seungri helped him to stand up and walked him over to the basin. He ran the water and rinsed off Jiyongs face and mouth using a clean washcloth he had found. 

"Feeling better now?" He asked.

"No," Jiyong said, his voice a dry rasp. 

"You will, don't worry hyung, I'll take care of you."

Jiyong gave him a small, tired smile, and Seungri felt his spirits lifted at the sight. "You always do, Seungriah, you always do." 

"Always," Seungri agreed. "First, let's get you dressed. Manager-nim is on his way to get us."

Jiyong nodded. He didn't question Seungri about where they were or why he had woken up stark naked in a strange bed, but merely let him lead him back over to where his clothes were and allowed him to help dress him. 

Seungri was glad Jiyong wasn't saying anything. He wondered if he remembered anything--maybe he did and he was too embarrassed to bring it up, or maybe he'd also lost track of the nights events, but either way, it was a small blessing. It made it so that Seungri could focus on lifting Jiyong's legs to help him step into his underwear, and then his jeans, and then pulling his arms through his shirt and doing each button up, one at a time, and not the fact that all he could suddenly think about was his hyung's lips and his hyung's mouth and his hyung's tongue and how they had felt when his hyung had kissed him last night.


	3. Dazed and Confused

Two weeks. Three days. Twenty-two hours. 

It had been two weeks since Jiyong had left Seungri in Japan. 

He had flown back to Seoul under a cloud, knowing something was off between him and Seungri, even though the latter had insisted they were great. Something had happened towards the end of his stay, but his memory was patchy at best after too many nights of partying hard. 

He'd experienced the worst hangover of his life the day before he'd had to fly back to Seoul, bad enough that his maknae had to baby him the entire day--he was always the worst when he was sick--but even then, he'd sensed Seungri was hiding something. The feeling stayed with him up until he had to board his flight, even as his maknae had laughed and told him he was getting old if he was worrying like this for nothing. 

It had been three days since Jiyong had texted Seungri without getting a response. 

If he had been suspicious before that there was something wrong between them, now he was down right convinced. He had constantly checked his phone, even though he was trying to work on new beats, but he simply couldn't focus while the green blob of text remained hanging listlessly on his screen all by itself. 

Jiyong sighed and rubbed his eyes. The maknae had never gone this long without responding to him. It had been a simple question, too--asking if he wanted to hang out when he got back. He knew Seungri wasn't too busy to text him back either. So what if he'd gone behind his back and was surreptitiously in contact with Seungri's manager? What else was he supposed to do? 

It was twenty-two hours until Jiyong would be able to welcome Seungri home. 

Getting the flight details out of Taekgu-hyung had been a piece of cake. Setting things up so he could meet the maknae at the airport, not so much. 

"It'll be good publicity," he'd argued with Hyunsuk-hyung. 

"It'll be double the security," he'd argued back.

"I can sneak in incognito." 

Hyunsuk-hyung hadn't even had to say anything to that, the look on his face spoke volumes. 

"It'll be good publicity." Jiyong decided to return to stand by his original argument.  
"Seungriah didn't agree to this, did he?"

Jiyong pouted. "I'm sure he would. He likes publicity."

Hyunsuk-hyung just sighed and Jiyong knew he'd won, or at least that his boss had conceded. It'd be used against him later on down the line in a non-related situation. "Fine. Do whatever you want--I'm surprised you even asked me in the first place."

"Someone's gotta pay for the extra security," Jiyong said with a grin before he had skipped out of Hyunsuk-hyung's office. 

But now he was back at the mixing desk in the studio chewing his nails off and not getting anything productive accomplished. He picked up his phone and looked at the truncated text conversation between him and Seungri. Even as he scrolled up through the back and forth prior to that he could tell that Seungri's responses were terse and few and far between. He bit his lip as his fingers hovered over the screen, debating what his next step should be. Should he warn Seungri that he was planning on showing up at the airport whether he liked it or not? And even more than that, he was planning on dragging the maknae somewhere private where he could get to the bottom of what was bothering him. If he warned him, Seungri might find a way to evade him.

Better not tip him off, Jiyong thought.

He was about to put his phone down, when it vibrated in his hand. He pulled up the main screen as quick as lightning, only to groan when he saw it wasn't in fact a text message from his maknae. Instead, he had a new email. It was either spam or YG company related--nobody else contacted him by email--so he tossed his phone onto the desk with a scowl and turned back to the computer screen. 

After a while of fiddling with the controls of the software, he finally got into the work of making music and forgot all about Seungri, or at least he had shoved him to the back of his mind. Hours later, he looked up from his screen when one of the techs nodded at him on his way out. The building was quiet, most of the employees having packed up and gone home, plus it was dark outside. Jiyong's stomach growled, reminding him he hadn't eaten dinner. He decided to pack it in for the night, go home and order some Jajangmyeon, put on his PJs and catch up on his dramas or something. 

He shut down the PC and out of habit, he picked up his phone and swiped the lock screen away and checked his messages. Still nothing. He tried to be cool about it as he opened up his email and looked through the unread messages, deleting anything he thought was irrelevant. He was just about to delete the last message that had come through unread, but something about the subject caught his attention: _For Your Eyes Only Kwon Jiyong._

It seemed a bit too personal to be spam, even though he didn't recognize the sender, so he tapped the email to open up on his screen. Just then, his phone buzzed and a text message popped up on the screen. 

Holy crap, Seungri had finally texted him back. 

He almost fell out of his chair at the words that danced in front of him. 

_You free tomorrow night? I'll be back in Seoul and I want to see you._

He wanted to see him. What did that mean? Jiyong chewed his bottom lip, then quickly typed a response. 

_Want to go to a club or something?_

Seungri texted him back right away.

_Just come over to my place. I'll let you know when I get in._

This was different. Usually they hung out at clubs or went out to eat, but not since they had shared an apartment had they hung out at each other's places, at least not just the two of them. He hesitated before he typed:

_Yongbae-ah would be up for a get together. Daesungie is shooting a CF in Thailand. Not sure about Seunghyun-hyung._

His message hung there for a moment after it had been sent, and Jiyong found that he was biting his fingernails. Then came the reply:

_We can hang out with them another time. There's something I need to speak to you about._

The words burned into his screen. After the weird feeling he'd been having the last two weeks, Jiyong was sure this wasn't good. His mind filled with all the possibilities. Had he tried to pull something with Seungri while he'd been drunk out of his mind? Had he made an actual pass at him? What if he had? That was definitely something that would have made his maknae seriously uncomfortable. 

It's not like Jiyong had lied about his sexuality, but he hadn't been vocal about it, for obvious reasons. He was sure Bae knew he wasn't exactly straight, and didn't care, and probably Seunghyun-hyung, too--who he had his own suspicions about, but Daesungie and the Maknae had no idea. Daesungie because he was the most innocent being on the face of the planet and who probably had no idea was sex even was, and Seungri who looked at him like a brother and who had no qualms about sharing his fantasies about women with him. 

Jiyong's shoulders drooped. If he really had done something stupid, of course the maknae would want to avoid him, and of course he'd want to have 'a talk' with him. Probably to let him know in no uncertain terms that he was not remotely interested and never would be.

He finally tapped a response to his maknae:

_Okay. Let me know and I'll come over._

And then he slumped back into his chair. 

He wasn't so sure surprising Seungri at the airport was such a good idea now. Maybe he should call off the whole thing. 

Jiyong grabbed his phone and his backpack and headed for the basement parking garage. The drive home was filled with his conflicting thoughts about his maknae. He kept an apartment close to the studio for the sake of convenience, and he was glad the ride was a short one. He made a quick call to the local delivery restaurant, and by the time he got to his front door, his dinner was waiting for him in a container outside. 

He dragged carried the container inside, kicking his shoes off at the entryway and sliding his feet into soft slippers. The apartment was quiet. Too quiet. He clicked the TV remote and found the latest drama he was watching, while he grabbed the noodles he'd had delivered and a can of beer out the fridge. At least he could lose himself in an hour or two of television. He kicked back on his sofa with his dinner. 

A half hour later and he'd only taken three bites of food. He'd zoned out, completely missing the plot of the drama. He'd barely even registered the savoury taste of the thick, sauce-coated noodles. Shit. He was still thinking about this thing with Seungri. And now his noodles were cold. 

Grunting in frustration, Jiyong grabbed his phone and called up his best friend. 

"What do you want?" Yongbae answered.

Jiyong snorted. "Nice to hear your voice, too."

"Yeah, whatever, you never call me unless you want something." 

Jiyong sniggered at the teasing tone in his friend's voice. They always busted each other's balls, but it was out of pure affection. "I'm offended, Bae-yah. I always call you."

"That's because you always need something." Yongbae chuckled, but then his toned turned serious. "Everything okay?"

"Sure. I guess. I mean…" Jiyong sighed into his phone. "Has Seungri spoken to you at all?"

"Why? Is something wrong? You guys get pissy with each other again?"

"What? No. It's nothing like that. Or at least I don't think so. It's just… I can't explain it, but I think he's upset with me about something, I just don't know what."

"You said you had fun when you went to see him in Japan."

"Yeah. We did have fun. It was good to see him again. I missed him."

"So what's the problem?"

Jiyong took in a breath. He knew Yongbae was good with him, but it's not like they ever talked about this stuff before. Not in so many words. "I think something might have happened. Like I might have sort of kind of hit on him. When I was drunk. I was out of my freaking mind, so I don't really remember. I don't know."

Yongbae had the audacity to laugh at him. "Is that all? Oh my god, you've been hitting on Seungri since he joined the group."

"Fuck you. That's fanservice."

"Whatever you want to call it. You've messed with our maknae for a long time, and you know what? He's never been pissed at you about it." 

"Because it was never serious, Bae. He knew that. He just assumes I'm doing it for the fans."

"But it wasn't just for the fans."

Jiyong was quiet for a moment. It was hard to admit, even to Yongbae. "Okay, I mean, sure, I might have pushed it a bit. Who wouldn't? He's adorable and, well, maybe I am a teensy bit attracted to him. But that's it, I swear."

"If you did that shit to me I'd deck you," Yongbae said, never one to beat around the bush.

"Are you saying I'm lucky Seungri hasn't punched me in the face?"

"No. What I'm saying is maybe there's a reason he hasn't punched you in the face."

"Bullshit."

Yongbae sighed. "Have you bothered to ask him about it?"

"I figured he would have brought it up by now. He's been mostly avoiding talking to me since I got back."

His friend muttered something about them both being as bad as each other. "Just call him and ask him if you made a pass at him while you were drunk, and if you're that worried about it you can just play it off as nothing. He'll just laugh it off."

"But what if he hates me now, Bae-yah? I mean what if I disgust him? His hyung, who he thinks is straight, suddenly tries to do god knows what to him."

"Are you sure you did something?"

"I don't know. I mean, I don't remember. But… something happened. He was different around me. I felt weird around him. I can't shake the feeling that I tried something and it went horribly wrong. He probably hates me, now."

"He cares about you, he's not going to write you off all of a sudden. He couldn't do that even if he wanted to--he's signed a contract." Yongbae chuckled at his own joke. Jiyong didn't think it was funny.

"Ugh. But you know how vocal he is about all the girls he's into. And he's made some comments before. If he knows that I am, um, you know, sort of not so straight..."

"That you'd screw anything?"

"Yah. I'll have you know I have my standards."

"What standards? You have the hots for Seungri."

"Now you're just mocking me."

His best friend chuckled. "You make it too easy. Look, my friend, trust me when I say this, the maknae would never hate you. Even if he doesn't feel the way you feel, he loves you. We all love you and we would all accept you no matter what. You can't screw that up, do you understand?"

He sort of did. He would never disown Seungri, no matter how many women be bragged about being with, and no matter how much it drove him nuts, no, he would never despise him for it. "Yeah, I guess so."

"So will you talk to him? When's he back in town?"

Jiyong coughed. "Tomorrow, actually. He asked me to meet with him. He says he wants to talk to me."

"Well… that's good. That's great. You can apologize if you did anything he was uncomfortable with, and then you can kiss and make up."

He groaned. He could practically hear Youngbae's grin. "Shut up."

"Okay, sorry, even I admit that was bad. But really, Yongah, it's a good thing he wants to have this talk. Just be honest with him… well at least don't lie. I mean, I wouldn't tell him that you want to jump his bones every time you see him--'cause that would make a man uncomfortable."

"Yah! I don't want to jump his bones every time I see him."

"I'm kidding. But you totally do, friend. I'm not blind. I see the way you look. And then I see what you are looking at and I just shake my head. But hey, that's your thing, not mine."

"Damn right it's not yours."

"But seriously, talk it out. It won't do any good if you let it fester. I know you--you'll be writing lyrics that make people want to jump off tall buildings if I let you wallow in this. Don't get all stupid about it."

"Um… What if I already have, just a little bit?"

Youngbae groaned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing yet." Jiyong chewed on his lip. "But I can't avoid it. I already have it set up to surprise him at the airport tomorrow."

"What the hell, Yongah? You're worried about maknae being all skittish around you and now you want to surprise him in public and what? Jump him right there? Perform a little bit of your brand of fanservice?"

"He wasn't responding to my message, so I thought if I cornered him in public, he wouldn't be able to get away."

"And the boss agreed to this?"

"He thought it would be good publicity." Jiyong didn't think the white lie would condemn him in this instance.

He heard Yongbae's sigh of defeat. "Fine, what time is it? I'll come with you."

"What?"

"Then it won't look like you're trying to corner him. It'll just be Bigbang brothers welcoming their youngest member back into the country. It'll be fine. I can rearrange some stuff. Just a photoshoot I have to be at all day tomorrow, but I'm sure they won't care about a last-minute cancellation."

"You can't. It's okay. Thanks for the offer. I can't get out of it now. I'll just have to go and play it off as Hyunsuk-hyung's idea."

"Just don't do all the fanservicey stuff. For once. You guys need to talk about what you think happened first."

Jiyong sighed. "I know. I won't--I promise. I'll be on my best behavior."

He ended the call and looked down at his stone-cold food. The drama's credits were rolling across the screen. Speaking to Youngbae had helped settle some of his more drastic thoughts, but he was still nervous about what tomorrow would bring. It was going to be a long night.


	4. Stir Crazy

"Please put up your electronics, sir, the plane is preparing to land."

Seungri flashed the stewardess a charismatic smile, even though he felt like scowling. He still had a few more emails he needed to send out, but he supposed that would have to wait until after he was back in Seoul. He might as well stop in at the corporate office on the way home, even if they weren't expecting him. It was good to keep your employees on their toes. He'd been away too long with his YG commitments in Japan. 

He closed his laptop and put it in his bag under his chair, then made sure to buckle up as the plane began its descent. He looked over to his manager-nim, who was fast asleep, his head lolling against the back of the chair and his mouth hanging open. Seungri chuckled. The man was exhausted after having to keep up with him in Japan, especially the last two weeks.

Seungri didn't want to think about why, but his mind flashed back to waking up naked and in the same strange bed as Jiyong two weeks ago. He didn't remember a whole lot about how they got there, except for one thing: the kiss.

He felt his cheeks heat up as the memory played itself over again like a recording in his head. 

He couldn't stop thinking about that fucking kiss. What the hell was wrong with him?

Thank god his hyung had not seemed to remember anything the next day, and he had certainly wasn't going to bring it up. Awkward couldn't even begin to describe how he had felt dealing with his hungover hyung, all while thinking about… that. But Jiyong had flown back to Seoul the next day and Seungri felt he had been given a reprieve. He'd lost himself in his work over the last two weeks, trying to keep his thoughts from drifting back to that moment. After he'd worked hard, he'd gone out and partied even harder. He'd danced himself silly and drunk copious amounts of alcohol until his manager-nim had to practically carry him back to the hotel, and then he'd repeated the cycle all over again the next day. 

To say he felt like shit, was an understatement.

And that didn't even address the apprehension he felt like a stone in the pit of his stomach. He was trying to ignore that. He was also trying to figure out was to get out of meeting up with Jiyong tonight. He could just text him and tell him he didn't feel good, needed sleep--it wouldn't be a lie. He'd been blasted when he'd finally broken down and responded to Jiyong's message, only to take it a step further and mention something about needing to talk. Alone. Shit.

He couldn't face Jiyong alone. Not sober, at least. 

The plane touched down at Incheon Airport in the late afternoon just as the sun was casting a golden glow across the tarmac. Seungri nudged his manager-nim awake, before pulling on his hat and sunglasses. The disguise was more to hide his dishevelled hair and the dark circles under his eyes than to keep from being discovered by any fans or paparazzi that might be lurking around the arrivals hall. 

As they waited to go go through customs, Seungri's fingers kept up a steady beat against his luggage while he tried to push certain stray thoughts out of his head. He only realized he was zoning out when his manager-nim snapped fingers in front of his face.  
"You there? I've been talking to you for the last 20 minutes."

"Sorry, hyung-him. I don't think I got enough sleep." Seungri said, giving his manager-nim a light-hearted smile.

"No shit. Which means I didn't get any sleep either. You don't pay me enough, Seungriah."

"You slept the whole flight back home."

His manager-nim rolled his eyes. "Wow. I slept a grand total of two hours in the last two days."

"You won't see or hear from me until Monday, I promise."

Scrambling for something in his pocket, his manager-nim pulled out a wrinkled napkin. "Hold on and let me borrow a pen, I need to get this in writing."

Seungri cracked a small smile. "Thank you for being there for me hyung-nim."

"Ah, Seungriah, you don't need to thank me, you just need to sign my paycheck." His manager-nim gave him a speculative look. "Something bothering you?"

"How'd you guess?" Seungri said with a laugh. 

"I read minds. How the fuck do you think?"

"Fine, okay, I suppose I've been going at it a bit hard, lately--"

"A bit?"

"A lot. Yes. I know. I'm sorry, it's just--"

His manager-nim held up his hand. "Wait, I hope you know I charge extra for therapy sessions."

"I'll amend the contract."

"I'll have my lawyer look over it."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"So, as I was saying, hyung-nim, I'm supposed to meet up with Jiyong-hyung later--I sort of promised while I was drunk--but will it look like I'm avoiding him if I cancel on him?"

Manager-nim shrugged. "He already thinks you're avoiding him."

Seungri's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"I mean, what do you mean he already thinks that?"

The look his manager-nim gave him could have frozen fire. "He's been blowing up my cell phone instead of yours. I'll send you the bill later."

"Shit. Sorry." Seungri chewed his lip. "I hoped he'd just pass it off as me being busy."

"Oh, no, I told him you were wasting your time away with wine, women and song."

Seungri threw him a glare. His manager-nim didn't even flinch. "It was just wine and song, okay. No women. Not after what happened…"

"So what did happen? You never did explain it to me."

Now it was Seungri's turn to smirk. "That'll cost you extra hyung-nim."

"Nevermind. I can bare to live without the knowledge of your sexcapades."

Seungri felt his cheeks go hot. "Yah! It wasn't like that."

His manager-nim lifted his eyebrow. "You really don't think I know you, do you?"

"Shit." He kicked his foot against his luggage while he avoided the look his manager-nim was giving him. "I really don't know what happened. Everything's a blank. Jiyong and I left the club to go with that actress--"

"Let me stop you there, I told you I don't really want to know."

"--and after that I don't remember anything." Except kissing my hyung. There was that. 

"Do you honestly want to remember?"

 

His manager-nim had a point. What if they had done more than just kiss… His stomach knotted up. He definitely didn't want to think about that. "I'll stop talking now."

"Oh thank god."

Seungri kept his promise for the most part while they passed through customs headed for the arrivals hall. He continued to debate on whether or not he should shoot a quick message to Jiyong and cancel their plans to meet up. On the one hand, he was completely embarrassed, but on the other, he had to admit, that he missed the little diva. He couldn't stay away from him for too long, it just wasn't in him. Seungri's lips twitched in a self-deprecating smile. He pulled his hat lower to cover his face while pushing his sunglasses further up his nose as the doors to the arrivals hall slid open. 

His manager-nim had stepped neatly ahead of him, and then Seungri was immediately stunned by the size of the crowd that had gathered in arrivals and the huge cheer that went up as they saw him. 

With his heart racing at the onslaught of cheers and yells and phone cameras suddenly shoved in his face, he through a what the fuck look at his manager-nim. Was this all for him? He'd never had this sort of reception at the airport. Had he gone and saved the country while he was out of it or something?

Manager-nim shrugged then stepped aside for Seungri to look down the small pathway created by a team of security. At the end of the pathway was a big handmade sign, decorated in daisies and were those hearts? The sign boldly stated: "Welcome Back Maknae!!!"

And then he saw the person who was holding up the sign, half hiding behind it. 

Only Jiyong's eyes were visible above the cardboard. When Seungri found them, his racing heart stopped. For a full second, his heart couldn't function. And when it started up again, it beat so fast and so erratically, Seungri felt the world spin. 

Jiyong lowered the sign and his wide grin came into sight. He gave a little wave. "Seungriah!" he called out. "We missed you!"

The cheers from the fans grew louder, all echoing the words of his hyung, but nothing could drown out the pounding of his heart. He was slowly losing it. His mind. Was he going to pass out in front of everyone? It was too much at once.  
Then his manager-nim squeezed his shoulder rather hard and propelled him forward. It was enough to pull him back to himself. 

"Did you know about this?" he said under his breath to his manager-nim. 

The other man had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry."

"Is this how you get revenge?"

"It's the small things that bring me joy."

Jiyong was waving him over, but Seungri saw a flash of hesitation cross his face as Seungri just stood there practically gaping. He squared his shoulders and plastered on his cheesiest grin and began waving and hamming it up for the fans. 

"Of course Jiyong-oppa missed me!" he said to the crowd. "He loves me!" 

Seungri's voice was more shaky that he would like, and even though he wasn't about to collapse from shock, he still couldn't get his erratic pulse under control. He took his time walking through the crowd, grabbing hands and taking selfies until security glared at him. By the time he reached Jiyong, he was certain he'd calmed himself sufficiently. 

And then his hyung grabbed him in a back-breaking hug. 

The hug was no different than any other of their public embraces over the years, except this time it was. Seungri's heart bumped up it's pace once more, and a flood of warmth swept through him from the bottom of his toes to the top of his head. He was blushing all goddamn over. 

"Hyung, what the hell are you doing here?" Seungri managed to whisper in Jiyong's ear while still caught up in the hug. 

"Publicity," was Jiyong's short reply.

"Did something bad happen?"

"Not yet." His hyung let him go, then stepped back to look at him and grin. "But you never know."

Oh god. That look. What the hell was up with that look? Why did it suddenly make him feel ten times hotter? 

"Come on, I'll get you home," Jiyong said. Seungri broke out into a sweat.  
Jiyong waved and bowed at the crowd, then pushed Seungri forward, making him stumble into a bow before he grabbed the handle of his suitcase and lead him out of the airport. All Seungri could do was follow, his head all fogged up and his limbs feeling like they were floating. 

It was the sudden jolt that Seungri felt when his hyung wrapped his fingers around his arm that startled him back to reality. They had reached the car.

Seungri's mind went into overdrive. There was no way he could cope with being cooped up with his hyung in the small confines of a vehicle. If they were left alone… the memory of warm, firm lips moving against his… 

He had to find a way to escape. He might possibly be going nuts and he didn't want to stick around to find out. 

Seungri frantically looked around for help, but somewhere along the way, his manager-nim had abandoned him and he knew no matter how many messages he sent begging him to get him out of this, he wouldn't get a response. He was off the clock. 

The driver of Jiyong's car was already putting his luggage into the trunk. Jiyong slid into the back, and looked up at him as he patted the seat next to him. 

He took a deep swallow of air. 

Fuck it. 

Seungri climbed into the back of the car and gave his hyung a tight smile. The driver shut the door behind him. When Jiyong grinned back at him, he felt like all the air was sucked out of the car. His chest squeezed tight. 

"You okay?" Jiyong's smile turned to a look of concern.

No. He was not okay. He was about as far from okay as he could get. Seungri nodded. "I'm okay. Just tired. Sorry hyung."

"Nevermind. We'll get you home and tuck you in bed." Jiyong squeezed he thigh briefly as the driver pulled away from the airport. Seungri wanted to cry. He really was losing it. 

For the rest of the drive, all he could do was focus on keeping himself from hyperventilating. If Jiyong noticed Seungri's silence as the drove the miles from Incheon airport to Seungri's apartment in Gangnam, he didn't say anything. Instead he filled the void with small chit chat, telling him about the new song he was working on, about having dinner with Taeyang and his fiance, about all the little things that he'd filled his life with in the last two weeks since they'd seen each other.  
Jiyong was talking a little too much and a little too fast, but Seungri only chalked it up to him compensating for how Seungri was acting so out of character. 

If the drive had been awkward, then standing in the entryway of his silent apartment with Jiyong right beside him, was excruciating. The latter had insisted on following him up, despite Seungri's weak efforts to send him on his way. 

"Hyung, I'm really tired." Seungri tried once more to hint that he wanted to be alone. His skin itched, his whole body itched, and it was getting harder to control the direction of his thoughts. He kept his eyes facing forward, even though he'd glanced just once at the curve of Jiyong's mouth and now the image was burned into his mind. 

"Go put your feet up," Jiyong said, gently pushing him towards the couch. "Are you hungry? I can order some food. Or make something. Do you have anything to eat in the house? You always keep ramyeon. I'll make some ramyeon. It won't take me long."

Seungri groaned as Jiyong headed into the open kitchen to pull a pot out from under the stove. He followed after him. "Hyung. You don't know how to make ramyeon. You always overcook the noodles. Let me do it."

"Seungriah, it's okay. You're tired, I can do it. I'll watch it. Go sit down."

"Give me the pot, hyung."

"I told you, it's okay."

He reached to yank the pot out of Jiyong's hand, but just as he did, Jiyong let go, and the pot ricocheted back, hitting him just above the eye. "Fuck," he yelled as the pot clattered to the floor. He pressed his hand against his throbbing forehead and felt something sticky. 

"Oh god! Seungriah! Blood! You're bleeding!" Jiyong rushed forward to clasp his face in his hands. "Are you okay? Should we go to the hospital? Oh god, I hurt you."

"It's okay, hyung," Seungri's voice shook. He lifted his fingers to show just a smudge of blood. "It's only a small cut. Not even bleeding much."

Jiyong's fingers hovered over the painful area, touching gently. "Are you sure?"

"It's just a scrape." He was breathless for reasons other than the bump above his eyebrow. Jiyong's fingers were doing weird things to his perception. The world around him was growing fuzzy and only his hyung's shining face was in focus. "Jiyong-ah…"

Jiyong's eyes flicked to his, his concern real. Seungri was the one that was hurt, but he wanted to soothe Jiyong's regret, to turn the curve of his lips back to a smile. "I'm sorry," Jiyong said. "I'm sorry I hurt you--"

It didn't matter what else he was going to say, because Seungri could no longer stop himself. The pull was too great. He closed the gap between them and covered Jiyong's mouth with his own. He kissed his hyung. 

He clung to Jiyong, breathing him in, filling himself, turning the simmering heat under his skin into a fire so hot it threatened to burn him into ashes. 

And just as quickly and intensely as he had initiated the kiss, he pulled away. Seungri stepped back, panting for air, and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. 

Jiyong's eyes were wide, his lips, swollen from the force of the kiss, were parted in shock. "What the fuck?"

The words were like a bucket of ice cold water dumped on him. What the hell had he just done? He took another step back, and then another. "Hyung… I… Shit." 

There was nothing he could do but turn and flee. He ran out the kitchen, and then the apartment, ignoring his hyung's cries of, "Wait! Seungriah!" 

He needed to get away. His feet drove him past the elevator, and he didn't stop until he got to the stairwell. Then he was careering down all nine flights of stairs until he burst out of the fire escape door and into the alleyway behind his apartment building. He leaned over and sucked in lungfuls of cooling air, and when he'd caught his breath back, he stood back up and strode off down the alley. 

Seungri wasn't sure where he was going, but it didn't matter. He'd just screwed up big time, and he had no idea how he was going to fix this. There was no way he was going back until he figured that out.


	5. You've Got Mail

Jiyong held onto the door frame at the entrance to Seungri's apartment. The urge to chase after the younger man was strong, but his legs were not obeying him. He started to shake. His entire body trembled, and he gave into gravity and slowly slid to the floor. 

He touched his fingers to his still tingling lips. Seungri had kissed him. 

He sat in the doorway, staring into the corridor beyond and started to giggle. 

Seungri had kissed him.

Here he was, sitting on the floor in the middle of an open doorway, giggling like a madman, where anyone could walk out of one of the neighboring apartments at any moment to find him there. The famous G-Dragon reduced to this laughing mess. And all he could think was… Seungri had kissed him. 

He couldn't move for a good few minutes, but eventually he was able to pull himself up and stumble back into Seungri's apartment, still chuckling under his breath. He flopped face forward onto the large leather couch that took up most of the living room. Seungri had kissed him.

He snorted into one of the pillows. It was the most absurd and ridiculous thing. Had he fallen through a crack in the pavement and woken up in an alternate universe? Had aliens landed and taken over his maknae's brain? Had someone slipped hallucinogenic drugs into his last mug of coffee?

Any of that was possible. 

Jiyong felt his phone go off in his pocket. He shot upright and quickly fished it out his first thought that it might be Seungri. He groaned when he saw it was just another email notification. He'd been bombarded with them since the night before and it was getting annoying. He bit his lip as he stared at his phone, then quickly pressed the speed dial for Seungri. 

A phone started to ring elsewhere in the apartment. Shit. He spotted it on the table in the entry hall. His maknae had run off like an idiot without his phone.

His maknae, who had kissed him.

Jiyong started giggling all over again. He fell over onto his side with his phone clutched to his body. His entire chest felt like it was filled with light enough to make him burst. 

He lay on Seungri's couch, contemplating the ceiling as he chewed his bottom lip that still tingled. How long should he wait before he set out to look for Seungri. Whatever had the maknae spooked, he couldn't go far without his phone, or the wallet he'd left next to it. But should he go after him or should he wait for him? It was probably better to wait, Jiyong nodded to himself. He'd have to come back sooner or later--at least necessity would dictate it. And when he returned, well… Jiyong smiled. 

He wriggled back into the cushions of the couch to get comfortable and basked in the lightness that had settled inside of him. At some point, he fell asleep. He only realised it when he woke up to find the apartment was completely dark. 

Jiyong blinked and tried to clear the sleep fog from his mind, then sat up and scrambled for his phone. It was almost midnight. He'd been asleep for hours.

"Fuck." His curse echoed in the silence of the apartment. All his sleepless nights the past two weeks had caught up with him. He blinked in the darkness then squinted as he looked around. He could just about make out the shape of the living room furniture from the city light that was filtered through the curtains of the large window. 

He stood and stretched out the kinks in his limbs, then frowned to himself as he remembered something. 

Where was Seungri?

"Seungriah?" He called out. The words echoed back to him. A small spike of anxiety formed in his stomach. Surely he had come back by now. "Seungriah?" 

Any lightness he was feeling earlier fled. 

He fumbled his way forward, stumbling as his foot caught on a floor rug, and found the light switch. Wincing as the lights came on and flooded the room, Jiyong made his way through the rest of the apartment, slamming open doors open and calling for his maknae. 

A clawing fear began to twist inside him. Seungri had not come back. It had been hours and he had still not returned.

Jiyong didn't want to think of why. Any reasons that popped involuntarily into his head all ranged from bad (Seungri hated him and never wanted to see him again) to worse (Seungri had been kidnapped by some deranged sasaeng who was now doing unspeakable things to him). 

He found himself out of breath as he returned to the kitchen. The pot that he'd smashed into his maknae's face earlier was lying on the floor. Jiyong felt sick as he remembered the blood from the cut on Seungri's forehead. He must have fried his brain. Why else would he kiss him? Why else would he not be back now? The idiot hadn't even taken his phone with him.   
It was all his fault. Seungri hadn't wanted to kiss him. It was a mistake, and Jiyong had not even bothered to chase after him to put things right. He couldn't screw up their friendship, not over a stupid kiss. Without Seungri as part of his life, Jiyong was pretty damn sure he wouldn't be able to function. And if something bad ever happened to his maknae… 

Jiyong shook his head. He didn't want to remember the dark time when they'd been at odds and Seungri had almost died in a car accident. He never wanted to go to that place again. Thank god Seungri had recovered and Jiyong had pulled his head out of his ass and vowed to himself that never again would he let things between them get that bad, no matter how much he had to hold himself back.

Had he gone and fucked it all up again?

His hand trembled when he touched the dampness that had formed below his eyes. He had no damn clue what to do, or where to even start looking for Seungri. 

Bae would know. Bae always knew what to do.

Jiyong quickly punched at Yongbae's number then while he waited for his friend to pick up. He was on the ninth ring, and about to hang up in frustration, when Youngbae answered.

"This better be fucking important. I just left a very beautiful and half naked woman for you."

"Shut up, Bae-yah," Jiyong said, his voice shaking, "Seungri's missing."

"What do you mean?" Yongbae's tone switched from fake mad to serious in an instant.

"He took off, I don't know where he went, but he hasn't come back yet, and he left his phone and wallet, and it's all my fault, I think I fucked up, but I don't know where he is, he should have come back, I didn't go after him, Bae-yah, what if something happened to him?"

"Slow down, calm down," Yongbae said, "Tell me what happened, take a deep breath and start from the beginning."

Jiyong took in a deep shuddering breath and tried to get his rising panic under control. "Yeah, okay, so I went to get him from the airport, and I came back to his place--"

"You're their right now?"

"Yes, I fell asleep--I didn't mean to, Bae-yah, I just haven't been sleeping, and it all caught up to me and now he's gone and it's all my fault--"

"Stop. Go back to telling me what happened."  
Jiyong swallowed. "Well, uh, I was going to make him some ramyeon, and I didn't mean to but I somehow hit him with with the ramyeon pot. Oh god, he's bleeding. He's hurt. He has no phone, no money and he's hurt."

"Wait, you hit him with a pot?"

"Not on purpose! I would never hurt maknae on purpose."

"I know that."

"He said he was okay. There was a cut above his eyebrow. I wanted to take him to the hospital but he wouldn't let me."

"What did he do?"

Jiyong bit his lip. "Um. He, ah, kissed me."

"Ah ok. So like he said, 'don't worry, hyung, I'm fine, it wasn't your fault' and then he gave you a peck on the forehead. So what did you do to make it weird?"

"No. He kissed me. And it was…" Jiyong felt the memory of Seungri's lips warm against his own. "...definitely not a peck."

His words managed to completely silence Yongbae. 

"And that's when he ran out. That's what I've been trying to tell you, Bae-yah. It was over six hours ago. Something must have happened to him. Maybe I really did hit him too hard."

"Quiet, Yongah. I'm still trying to wrap my head around Seungri kissing you. He really kissed you?"

"Yes," Jiyong said.

"And then freaked out and ran out?"

"Yes."

"Is that all?"

"I don't know. I was in shock. He kissed me. I was not expecting that."

"So you responded like you were shocked and then he ran out."

Jiyong bit his lip. "I guess."

"Let me ask you one question--now I don't know what was going through his mind, I can't tell you that, but when he kissed you, did you kiss him back?"

"I… No." He leaned over the kitchen counter and squeezed his eyes shut. "Shit. I couldn't react fast enough. I was in shock, okay. It was last thing I ever expected Seungri to do."

"It's okay, Yongah," Bae said gently, "but this does give you some sort of idea where his head might have been when he ran out."

"He thinks I rejected him, doesn't he?"

"That's my guess."

"Oh god," Jiyong said as he began to hit his head against the countertop. "I'm such a fucking loser."

"You are not. You never thought Seungri might possibly see you like that. But if you look at this from his perspective, he must have been going through some stuff, I'm sure he's feeling conflicted about everything, and despite that he still kissed you."

"And I just completely fucked it up."

"It's just a misunderstanding, one that can be cleared up with a little bit of communication. Try it, okay."

"Bae-yah, that doesn't change the fact that something bad could have happened to him. Why hasn't he come back?"

Yongbae sighed. "What would you do if you had finally screwed up all your courage to kiss someone you like, and you think they reject you?"

"Probably cry. And then get drunk off my ass."

"Yeah, he probably went straight to the drinking part."

"Oh. Damn. You're right… But wait, he left his phone and his wallet, he doesn't have any money."

"He's Seungri."

Jiyong chuckled, and felt like he could suddenly breathe again. "Yes, of course he is. He's never paid for a drink in his life."

"That's our maknae. He'll be back. I can't vouch for his condition though."

"I'm glad I have you around to talk me off the ledge, Bae-yah. You always help me to put things in perspective."

"Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to come over?"

Jiyong knew that Yongbae would seriously drop everything if he asked it of him, and wouldn't hesitate. "You go back to your fiance. I'll be fine. If he doesn't show up in the next hour, I'll start stalking social media. Someone will have spotted him."

"What are you going to do when he comes back?" Yongbae asked, his voice soft. 

"What I always do when he drinks too much. Clean him up and put him to bed."

"No, I mean after, about what happened?"

"I guess we'll have to talk about it." Jiyong sighed. "Did I like that he kissed me? Absolutely, but is this what we really want? I would hate to hurt our friendship. It's complicated, Bae-yah."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Jiyong ended the call and slid his phone down onto the kitchen counter as he rubbed at his eyes. There was an entire world of meaning conveyed by Yongbae's small apology. All the unspoken things that they knew, but could not express.

If, and this was a big if, he and Seungri decided they wanted something more than friendship, their path would be a very difficult and treacherous one. That kind of relationship was not acceptable in Korea and some of the other countries they were popular in. Any slip up would affect not just them, but everyone around them. People Jiyong felt personally responsible for could be hurt. Would it be worth it to be with Seungri?

In that moment, in the silence of Seungri's apartment, it shook him when he realised that his heart said yes, it would be. 

He quickly shut down that emotion. Right now he needed to wait for his maknae to return. Jiyong poured himself a glass of water, and when his stomach grumbled, found a box of crackers in one of the cupboards. He made his way back to the couch, and grabbed the remote to turn on the TV. He was halfway through the box of crackers, trying to concentrate on some random late night variety show, when he finally heard the door beep from the keycode being entered. 

All the tightness inside him unravelled in an instant. Of course the door refused to open and he heard the sounds of the code being punched in again. Jiyong smiled and set the box of crackers down. "Idiot," he said.

He got to the door before the third attempt was made and opened it. His idiot maknae was leaning heavily against the frame, his hair a mess, his eyes bloodshot, and a smear of blood still above his eyebrow. He smelled like soju and beer--just as Yongbae had predicted. Jiyong had never felt more elated to see him. 

Seungri wobbled backwards and pointed at him. "You!"

"Yes, me," Jiyong grinned. "Come inside, idiot."

Seungri muttered something he couldn't hear, but at least he followed orders and stumbled inside. Jiyong shut the door and turned around to find that Seungri was sitting on the floor with his head bowed and his shoulders shaking. Was he crying? He stepped forward and put his hand on his shoulder. 

"Maknae, are you okay?"

Lifting his head, Seungri pointed at him again and laughed out loud. "You are my hyung!"

Jiyong groaned. "Yes. Please get up, Seungriah. We need to get you to bed."

Seungri bit his lip as he looked at him with lazy, half-lidded eyes. "You want to get me into bed?"

That look did something to his insides and Jiyong flushed. "You're drunk."

"I'm not too drunk." Seungri's hand shot out and grabbed the back of Jiyong's calf, pulling him off balance. Jiyong had to steady himself with both hands on Seungri's shoulders. "I know you want me, hyung. Don't you?"

He was so close, his heart pounding. "You smell."

Seungri pouted. "You're no fun." He used his hold on Jiyong to get to an upright position, then stepped back and pulled off his t-shirt. He smirked as Jiyong couldn't stop himself from staring at the nicely defined muscles and smooth skin of Seungri's torso. Seungri ran his hand down his chest until it rested on the top button of his jeans. "I'd better get cleaned up, then, hyung. Why don't you help me."

Whirling around to show his back, Seungri dropped his jeans, stumbled a bit as he stepped out of them, then strode buck naked towards the bathroom. Shit. The maknae didn't even have sense to wear underwear. 

Jiyong rubbed his temples. This wasn't good for him at all. He couldn't help it if he found Seungri hot as fuck. Even drunk Seungri turned him on, and his mind was whispering at him to forget that little fact and just take him up on what was so obviously being offered. 

Instead, he went to Seungri's bedroom and pulled a clean t-shirt and some underwear out of the drawers for his maknae to sleep in. He set them on the counter in the bathroom, keeping his eyes averted from where his maknae had started to take a shower.

"You don't want to join me, do you?" Jiyong looked up to see Seungri standing listlessly under the spray of water. "Why did you kiss me?"

"You kissed me." He winced. He didn't mean the words to sound accusing.

"You did it first, hyung. You did it first." Seungri leaned his head against the shower tile. His shoulders shook again, and this time Jiyong thought he might really be crying. "Why did you have to confuse me like that? I would have been fine. If I had never known, I would have been just fine. But how am I supposed to forget about it now? Why, hyung? Why did you kiss me?"

Jiyong found himself frozen. His voice cracked when he asked, "When did I kiss you?"

"You don't remember."

"Tell me."

Seungri looked at him over his shoulder. Jiyong couldn't tell if the beads of water on his face and caught in his eyelashes were from the running shower or something else. "When you were in Japan to visit me. We went back to a hotel with an Actress. We'd both been drinking."

Jiyong swallowed. Why was he suddenly shaking? "And I kissed you Was that… all I did?"

 

The look in his maknae's eyes made his heart clench. "I… think so. I don't remember. But… when you kissed me, hyung, I kissed you back. Why would I do that? I'm not like that. But it's all I can think of. For two fucking weeks it's all I can think about."

It was hard to breathe. Jiyong rubbed his breastbone. "I didn't know… I'm sorry."

"Too late for sorry, hyung." Seungri shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, startling Jiyong enough to back him into the counter. He reached over across him, keeping eye contact, and grabbed a towel.

Jiyong stopped breathing altogether. Seungri's eyes dropped to look at his mouth. Jiyong's lips parted without his consent and he sucked in a breath. The scent of the soap Seungri had used washed over him, masculine and spicy. He needed to…

Seungri's eyes rolled back and he fell forward, forcing to Jiyong to reach out with a yelp to catch him before he fell to the floor. 

"Shit." Jiyong groaned as he struggled with his maknae's dead weight. He almost laughed when Seungri gave a little snore. Maknae was out cold. 

It took him a good ten minutes to haul the passed out man to his bedroom and dump him face down on the bed. He thought about leaving him there naked, but instead he went back to get the clothes he'd originally taken out and wrestled for another ten minutes to pull them on for him. Then he wrapped a blanket around him and sat on the edge of the bed, out of breath. 

He leaned over to gently move strands of hair out of his maknae's eyes. It was tempting to climb under the covers and curl up next to him like they'd done when they were young, but Jiyong knew there were things they both needed to talk through, and until then, he should probably keep his distance. 

"I know you're confused," he said softly, still stroking Seungri's hair. "I'm truly sorry. But I want you to know that I care about you too much to let this break us. I will do whatever it is you need me to do, except for let you go. I'll never let you go, maknae."

Jiyong left the room, turning off the lights. He walked through the apartment and back to the living room to find his place on the couch once more. He wasn't going anywhere until they had talked through this. It was going to be a long night.

He grabbed his phone and the box of crackers. The TV was still playing in the background, some sort of Jeju documentary or infomercial. He settled back and threw a quick text message to Yongbae to let him know that everything was okay and not to worry about the maknae. Then he pulled up his email to work through some of the messages. He sent some replies out to a few of the YG staff he was working with on some new stuff. While he was typing, he was alerted to a new message.

Frowning, he touched his fingertip to the screen as he read the subject line.

_Kwon Jiyong Ignore at your own Risk._

He tapped the link to open the message, and was assaulted with a full screen image, an extreme close up of two people locked in a very intimate kiss. It was almost obscene. And then it crashed down on him just who he was looking at. One was himself. The other was Seungri. 

The phone slipped out of his hands and dropped to the floor, smashing the screen to bits.


	6. Basic Instinct

He lay staring up at his ceiling long after he had awoken. The noises coming from the other side of the apartment told him he wasn't alone, as did the smell of coffee and food. He'd long since taken the headache pills and drank the glass of water that had been left for him on the bedside table, so his head had stopped pounding, but now, his stomach was growling. 

Seungri pulled his comforter up to just under his chin. 

He was going to have to get up eventually. That much was obvious. Being a permanent fixture of his bed wasn't an option. He had businesses to run. He had fans to engage. He had music to create. He could only do so much of that from the confines of his room. He was going to have to get up, and he was going to have to look reality in the face and, here was the catch, he was going to have to say something to a certain house guest who was currently banging around in his kitchen.

The irony was not lost on him that when he actually tried to obliterate his memory through the ingestion of copious amounts of alcohol, it remained staunchly intact. He remembered even the smallest details of the previous night, right up to the moment he'd blacked out. To say he was embarrassed to have practically thrown himself at Jiyong, not once but twice yesterday, couldn't begin to describe how awkward he felt. 

As he continued to stare at nothing, Seungri had to admit to himself that it was going to be pointless for him to try and ignore this thing. He couldn't put a name to it, it was just this thing. This thing he had for Jiyong. 

Jiyong was his hyung. They were as close as brothers who shared the same blood. They had lived together on and off over the past years. They knew each other, probably better than anyone else, including their own families. His hyung was a genius and a diva. He was clever, devious and kind. He was a workaholic who needed constant care and attention, and yet would cross the world on foot if one of his brothers needed him to. He was a constant inspiration to Seungri, who could only dream to have even an ounce of his talent. He could honestly say he loved his hyung more than anyone else in his life. 

But this thing. This was different. And he needed to call it what it was. 

The first kiss had poked some sleeping beast inside him. The second had brought him face to face with that beast. It was real and he wasn't going to be able shove it back to where it had come from. He wanted his hyung. 

It was more than just wanting to kiss him. It wasn't about to needing to be close, or wanting to have skinship--he and Jiyong had always been physically close with each other. No, that wasn't it. He wanted Jiyong in the way he wanted a woman. 

He wanted to kiss him, to mark him, to… push him to his knees and see Jiyong with cheeks flushed, languid eyes, tongue peeking out, teasing him. He wanted that sultry mouth wrapped around his cock...

Seungri jolted upright as his entire body flushed. There was a tightness in his groin as the image refused to leave his mind. He wanted it so fucking desperately. 

He was screwed. 

"You're finally awake." Seungri's head turned so fast a pain shot down his neck. He winced. The object of his wicked imagination was leaning against the door, a mug of coffee wrapped in his hands. "If you want your own you're going to have to get up. I'm not waiting on you."

Seungri bunched the comforter in his lap, hoping Jiyong didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. The smirk the older was offering him, combined with his previous thoughts, was doing things to his anatomy. All he could do was stare. The muted sunlight from his window seemed to brush the soft curves of Jiyong's face and the sharp angles of his body. He was slim and graceful, his limbs lean, his skin smooth. His relaxed pose against the door was confident and cocky. 

Objectively speaking, Seungri knew that Jiyong was good-looking, almost too pretty for a man, really, but now, he couldn't remain objective at all--Jiyong was just plain sexy as hell, and his body was responding to him on a much more basic level.

"Cat got your tongue?" Jiyong said with one of his delicate eyebrows lifting. "Also, I made food. Well, I ordered food and set it out on the table. It'll get cold if you don't get up."

It was crazy, but there it was. A switch had been flipped, Pandora's box opened, the floodgates lifted. There was no way to put this in reverse. He licked his lips and struggled to keep his baser thoughts at bay. 

Jiyong cocked his head. "Are you even listening to me?"

Seungri nodded. "I'll be there in a sec." 

If Jiyong heard the rough edge to his voice, he didn't show it. "You have ten minutes to wash up, otherwise I'll start without you."

When Jiyong left the room, it felt like he could breathe again. Seungri groaned and dropped his head back to the pillow. He squeezed his eyes shut and punched the bed at his side a few times. 

Eventually, he forced himself to roll over and get up. He pulled on some track pants and went to wash up in the bathroom. Once he'd splashed cold water over his face a number of times, he felt like he'd calmed down enough to face Jiyong, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do today. It didn't help that not only was he embarrassed, but he was also turned on. He hesitantly tiptoed into his own kitchin as he tried not to bring attention to himself. 

Jiyong was already seated at the table, reading a newspaper in front of him. There was a spread of food containers laid out with the lids removed; rice, soup and banchan, along with two mugs of instant coffee. 

Seungri pulled out the chair opposite and sat down. His stomach growled far too loudly as the savoury smell of the soup filled his nostrils. "Thank you, hyung."

Looking up from the paper, Jiyong smiled. "I thought you might be hungry." He flipped through the paper. "Do you want the business section?"

Seungri nodded and Jiyong pulled out the pages and handed them to him. Jiyong went back to reading his paper, and Seungri shifted his gaze to the food in front of him. It didn't do him any good to look at his hyung too long. Instead, he took a sip of his coffee, hoping the bitter taste would shock him back to normalcy. He picked up his chopsticks and began to eat while he pursued the paper laid out in front of him. 

The silence in the kitchen was thick and charged. Seungri couldn't even pretend to follow any of the articles in the paper. The food had no flavor, even the pungent kimchi was bland to him. His eyes kept wandering up to watch Jiyong concentrate on the page he was reading in between sips of coffee. Seungri frowned. Was his hyung really going to ignore everything that had happened the day before? Were they going to sit together and share food in domestic silence like they'd done countless times before and pretend that Seungri hadn't kissed Jiyong, run out on Jiyong, and then come back drunk and done everything apart from actually throw himself at him? 

Jiyong absently picked up his coffee and took a sip.

"I love you, hyung," Seungri said.

Jiyong choked. His eyes flashed up to Seungri's, wide and panicked. 

Seungri couldn't help from smirking just a little. "You're my hyung. I know you better than anyone, just the same as you know me. You're family to me. Of course I love you."

Nodding, Jiyong returned a quick smile. "Yah, yah. I know that. I love you, too, maknae. Now eat your food."

"You're not eating." Seungri pointed out Jiyong's untouched portion. 

Jiyong shrugged. "I got it for you."

"But it's there for you, too. And you're just ignoring it."

"I can ignore it if I want to. What if I'm not hungry?"

Seungri shook his head. "I know you, remember. Of course you're hungry. You probably didn't eat anything last night."

"I did too. You don't know everything."

"A few handfuls of crackers doesn't count."

Jiyong rolled his eyes. "Fine. What's your point? I know you have a point. You'll keep going until you make it."

"You're not going to talk about yesterday, are you?"

Snapping the newspaper closed, Jiyong set it aside and gave Seungri a hard stare. "What's there to talk about?"

Seungri shifted the dregs of his rice around in his bowl with the tips of his chopsticks. Jiyong wasn't going to make this easy for him. "We can't let things fester. That's not healthy."

"Oh, I see. Like you didn't just ignore me for two weeks?" 

He winced. "I'm sorry. That was childish of me. But that's why we really need to talk, hyung."

Jiyong held his eyes for full half a minute, and then his shoulders slumped. "I suppose you're right. We do need to clear the air. But finish eating first. After we clean up we'll talk."

Pointing at him with his chopsticks, Seungri said, "Only if you eat, too."

Jiyong only nodded and began to add rice and banchan to his soup. 

They finished the meal in silence, then worked together to clean up and wipe down the table. Jiyong packed the dishes into the delivery container and left it outside his front door for the delivery service to collect, then followed Seungri to the living room. They sat at opposite ends of the couch, leaving a good amount of furniture real estate between them. 

Jiyong glanced at him and then looked down at his hands where he was fiddling with one of his rings. "You start, since you're the one who suggested we talk."

All of a sudden, it was hard to formulate words. How did you tell your hyung that you might be attracted to him? That you were a little lost with feelings you never thought you'd experience? Seungri rubbed his palms on his thighs. He never got nervous, not even around women he liked, do why did it feel like his stomach was twisted into a knot? 

"I like women," he blurted out. 

Jiyong raised his eyebrows at him. "You think I don't know that? You're constantly giving me way too many details about the women you like."

Seungri flushed. "I'm sorry if I overshare, hyung. But that's just what guys do, isn't it?"

"I guess." Jiyong continued to play with his rings. "Just sometimes it makes me uncomfortable."

"What I'm trying to say is, I like women, and there's never been a moment when I've thought that way about a man before. But… Hyung, have you?" Seungri coughed. "Have you ever thought that way about men?"

Jiyong's hands stopped fiddling. His head remained bowed. "I haven't tried to keep it a secret."

"I know," he said, gently. A small ache had formed in his chest. 

"I guess I've never really put it into words, but growing up, I didn't think it was a big deal if I liked a girl or a boy. I just… liked the person. Do you understand?" Seungri nodded. "And then as I got older, I realised that not everyone felt the same way, in fact most people didn't feel the same way. And I heard my way called wrong, or bad, or even disgusting." Jiyong turned his eyes to Seungri and the ache in his chest bloomed. "Do you think I'm disgusting?"

"Never. I could never think that." Seungri smiled. "I guess I never thought about it either. I always liked girls, but I had school friends, or guys I danced with, who didn't. It never bothered me--why should it when it didn't affect me?"

"But you never saw yourself like that, did you?" 

"I was quite sure I wasn't gay, hyung." Seungri chuckled.

"You never met a boy you thought was pretty?" Jiyong grinned a little, and Seungri felt the ache ease a bit, it couldn't be all that bad if Jiyong was teasing him. "You never once wondered what it would be like to kiss a man?"

"Until you kissed me two weeks ago, no, I'd never wondered." He didn't mention that he'd always thought Jiyong was pretty. Maybe the seed was already there before he'd even realised it. 

Jiyong stiffened. An expression of panic crossed his face for a split second before he relaxed again. "Actually, I wanted to talk about that night. What really happened, how much do you remember? Tell me everything, Seungriah, it's important you don't leave out any details."

Seungri's eyebrows shot up. "Well, it's like I said. You kissed me, hyung."

"No, tell me from the start."

"Um… okay. I guess I'd wrapped shooting the show and texted you to meet me at the club we like. You mostly relaxed and drank alcohol. I had extra energy, so I danced quite a bit."

"What about that woman you were with? What was her name?"

Shaking his head, Seungri said, "Is it bad that I don't really remember? My manager-nim probably has it though. Just in case, you know. The club owner introduced us. I danced with her for a bit, and she suggested we chill out, so I brought her upstairs."

"Do you remember her propositioning us?"

"She made it sound exciting, I guess, and I was tipsy enough to go for it."

"When did things start to get hazy?"

Seungri frowned. His brain hurt just thinking of that night. Everything was so jumbled. "It was after we got to her apartment. I think we were drinking champagne. It was like I was in some kind of fantasy. I think she kissed me at some point, and then she wanted you to do the same. I just went with it. What about you? You said you didn't remember that you kissed me."

"That's right. I was already hazy at the club. I still remember leaving, but after her apartment, it's blank."

"Maybe they put something into the smoke machines at the club that affected us. It's illegal but I've heard of it being done before. It keeps people dancing and spending money on drinks."

"Maybe." Jiyong chewed his lip. "Do you remember anything after we kissed?"

Shaking his head, Seungri said. "Nothing at all. Are you… worried we did something?"

Jiyong chuckled. "I think you're more worried than I am. You never know, maybe I took your gay sex cherry."

"Yah!"

"To be honest, maknae, I don't think anything else happened. We probably just passed out. I think I would have known if anything else had gone down." He waggled his eyebrows. "If you know what I mean."

Seungri sputtered. "Hyung!" 

Jiyong only laughed more. "You're so cute when you're flustered, maknae."

He wasn't flustered, but he was warm. Seungri bit his lip. "Hyung. When you kissed me, I liked it."

Jiyong's laughter died and he ended up slumping forward to rest his head in his hands. "Seungriah… I'm sorry, but I wish you hadn't."

The words were like a quick slap to the face. "You just told me that you like men." He couldn't keep the hurt out of his tone.

"I know. But this... you… are different."

The slap was followed up with a kick to the chest. "So you're saying that because it's me, you couldn't like me like that? You said you were attracted to the person, it didn't matter what their gender was, so that means you're not attracted to me, personally. You kissed me because you were drunk and out of it, and that was all. You don't want me like that?"

"No! I didn't say that."

"But you did, hyung. You wish you hadn't kissed me, because I'm different. Is it because I'm your maknae? I'm not a man to you? I'm not anything?"

"You're twisting my words. Just stop, okay." Jiyong's eyes flashed at him, and Seungri slammed his mouth shut. What did he expect though? "Let me explain, please."

Seungri nodded for Jiyong to go right ahead.

Taking a deep breath, Jiyong said, "Yes, you are my maknae, and I am your leader, and as that, I have a duty to you, but, more than that, Seungriah, I care about you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Idiot. It means I don't just see you as a quick screw or a way to relieve my stress. You mean much more than that to me."

"You mean more than that to me, too, hyung." 

His leader smiled softly, and it made his heart race. "But don't you see that's also the problem. It means that even if I wanted to… If I wanted to kiss you, or… do more than that…" Jiyong sighed. "It could hurt us that much worse if anything went wrong."

" What if we kept it just between us? We're both adults. "Seungri didn't realise how desperate he was until the question left his mouth. He didn't even know what he was desperate for. 

"Do you think we could keep something like that a secret? What would happen if we were discovered? We're not the only ones who would be affected."

His hyung was right, and he knew it. They were at the edge of dangerous territory, and if they ever slipped up, it wouldn't just be about them. It could be devastating for so many reasons. But Seungri wanted to be selfish for once in his life. He had sacrificed so many things, for his family, for his hyungs, wouldn't it be okay just to have one thing for himself? "I understand," he said. 

Jiyong nodded. "I knew you would. It's not like we let things get completely out of control. So can we chalk this up to a brief lapse in judgment and go back to what we're used to?"

"I'll do that, hyung, but only if you can tell me one thing." Seungri looked directly at Jiyong. Somehow during their conversation, he'd edged closed until now there was barely any space left between them. He could smell the fragrance of the soap that was in his shower on Jiyong's skin. "Tell me if you've ever looked at me as more than just your maknae."

Jiyong bit his lip. His eyes grew dark and heavy, and it made something twist inside Seungri's stomach. "You have no idea," he said.

"Tell me."

"I…"

"You want me, don't you, hyung?"

"I would be lying if I said no."

Seungri put his hand on Jiyong's thigh and leaned closer. "Since when?"

Jiyong swallowed. "Since I first saw you."

"When I first came to YG?"

"When I saw you on that stupid show. You were so damn arrogant. Still are."

Seungri grinned. "Even though you hated me, you thought I was hot."

"I thought you were interesting. And I never hated you. You were the one who thought that."

"All this time, and I didn't even know." Seungri squeezed Jiyong's thigh. "I've only felt like this for two weeks, and it's driving me nuts, how did you survive?" His eyes darted to Jiyong's lips. "I don't think I would have for so long."

"Seungriah…" There was a warning note in Jiyong's voice. "Don't."

"Don't what, hyung?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"I can't help it. Now that I can see clearly, I can't go back to being blind."

"You have to. You know why."

He lifted his hand to brush his fingertips along the edge of Jiyong's soft jawline. It was not fair how pretty he was. "I do know. But if I kiss you now, who is going to find out?" He could feel Jiyong shivver beneath his fingers. His hyung's eyes drifted shut. "One kiss is not going to hurt anyone. I want a proper kiss, hyung. One we'll both remember."

Jiyong barely nodded, but it was enough to give Seungri the consent he was looking for. His heart pounded as he shifted forward and pressed his lips gently against Jiyong's. The other sighed into his kiss, and Seungri took the opportunity to capture Jiyong's lips in a kiss. 

He wanted to do this properly, he wanted to take his time, to slowly explore this new excitement that whispered under his skin as his lips slid along his hyung's. He knew he wasn't going to get another opportunity, that Jiyong was right, and they'd have to step away, but not yet. Not now. 

Seungri leaned further over Jiyong, opening his mouth and deepening the kiss as his tongue pressed between the seam of Jiyong's lips. The other let him take the lead. His tongue gently explored. Jiyong was warm and soft and yielding even as his lips were firm. The contact was electrifying. 

Seungri pressed him down until they were both almost horizontal on the couch, laying sprawled half on, half off. Seungri held Jiyong's face firm between his hands and continued to just kiss him long and slow.

There was a moment when the kiss shifted from languid to intense. Not only was his pulse running at high speed, but every time Jiyong moaned into this mouth, Seungri felt himself get harder, until his cock was aching. 

Jiyong bucked underneath him and Seungri gasped, feeling Jiyong's own aroused cock press into his thigh. His lips left Jiyong's and he started to kiss his jaw, then his neck, then the blade of his shoulder, sucking hard until Jiyong whined as if he was in pain. The sound made him desperate. He tugged at Jiyong's shirt until the other finally helped him pull it off, and then Seungri returned his mouth to exploring Jiyong's soft skin. He trailed his tongue in a pattern around Jiyong's tattoos, tasting the salt of perspiration. 

"Seungriah," Jiyong said, his voice soft and ragged. Seungri's tongue found a tight little nipple. He sucked and scraped his teeth against it. "Ah, Seungriah. Fuck."

Seungri hummed in agreement. He wanted to learn the shape of Jiyong's body. He wanted to learn what Jiyong liked, what made him breathless, what made him hard… Just thinking about it made him groan out loud. "You're so beautiful, hyung. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need."

He skimmed his fingers along Jiyong's side while he continued to explore the planes of his chest. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing or what the end point would be, but all he knew was he needed Jiyong so, so much, and he'd never been this close to losing control.

A phone rang. 

Seungri ignored it while he continued to kiss and lick his hyung, moving down his chest to his torso. 

It was his phone. 

He started to tug at the band of Jiyong's jeans. 

"Fuck. Seungriah. No. We can't do this. Stop, please." Jiyong's voice was breathless, but the panic threaded through it made Seungri pause. 

He opened his eyes to find himself staring at two little x's inked directly over Jiyong's belly button. God, he wanted to lick them. "Jiyongah. Please…"

He felt a hand rest gently on his head then slowly push him away. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But we can't. I don't think I could handle it if we did. It's already too much."

The pain in his hyung's words were like a bucket of cold water dumped on him. Seungri pulled himself off of Jiyong and flopped back on the couch, screwing his eyes shut. He was so fucking hard, and he was having trouble catching his breath. After a few minutes, he squinted at Jiyong to find the other looking tentatively at him with his swollen bottom lip caught between his teeth. "If you want me to stop, then definitely do not give me that look," Seungri said with a growl.

"I'm sorry," Jiyong whispered. "It's all my fault."

"Don't be a fucking idiot." Jiyong sniffed and Seungri felt instantly terrible for having snapped at him. He sighed. "It's nobody's fault, hyung."

"I should probably go."

Seungri hated himself for thinking the same. "You don't have to, just give me a minute."

"No, I think we need some distance. We need some perspective." He heard Jiyong get up from the couch, but he kept his eyes tightly shut. He couldn't bear to watch him leave. "Please don't be angry with me…"

"I'm not. I'm angry at the situation. But you're right. Let's just give it some time. I'm sure we can get back to normal if we do that."

"Everything will be okay, Seungriah, I promise."

Seungri didn't know how Jiyong could promise him that. He didn't think he'd ever be okay again. But those were the last words Jiyong said before Seungri heard the door to his apartment open and then close again, and then he knew he was alone.


	7. The Crying Game

"Sajangnim will see you now." Hyunsuk-hyung's secretary smiled when Jiyong bowed in front of her. She held open the door to the office of YG Entertainment's CEO. Jiyong walked to stand next to the large executive desk, his hands clutching his phone behind his back, while his sunbae finished up with typing an email.

"Ah, Jiyongah." Hyunsuk-hyung looked up from his computer screen and gave Jiyong a tight smile. "What can I do for you?"

As soon as his eyes caught the Jiyong's expression, the smile on Hyunsuk-hyung's face vanished. He sat back in his chair and contemplated his hoobae. Jiyong remained silent under the scrutiny, his head bowed and eyes facing the ground. 

"I'm trying to remember the last time you walked in here with that exact expression," Hyunsuk-hyung said. "And if memory serves me correctly, it was the time of your drug scandal all those years ago."

Jiyong nodded. 

"So is this better or worse than that?"

Putting his phone on Hyunsuk's desk, Jiyong said softly, "Worse."

"What's this?" Hyunsuk picked up the phone and ran a finger over the shattered screen. 

"It's the end."

Hyunsuk raised his eyebrows. "The end?"

Jiyong nodded. 

"You're not joking, are you?"

Jiyong shook his head.

Sighing, Hyunsuk waved the phone in front of Jiyong. "You'd better start from the beginning. Tell me everything. Don't leave anything out. And stop being over-dramatic. I'll be the judge of whether or not it's 'The End'."

"I think it would be easier to show you, hyung. Can I use your computer to open my email?"

Hyunsuk shifted his keyboard and mouse to where Jiyong could reach and raised his hands up. "Be my guest."

Jiyong leaned over the desk and quickly navigated to their company email page where he logged in and opened his account. He clicked on the message he'd opened the night before and pulled up the shot that showed the glorious close up of him and his maknae with lips locked in a very non-brotherly way. The grainy photograph was no less shocking in the well lit environment of Hyunsuk-hyung's office than it had been in the dark of Seungri's living room. 

Hyunsuk-hyung didn't even blink. He pursed his lips and said, "Is this the only one?"

"I… don't know. Probably not. Wait--" 

Jiyong clicked the mouse a few times and pulled up all the emails that had been sent under the same address. There were a handful of them, each of them having sat ignored until now. He opened them all up, creating a cascade of windows as each time a new image blew up on the screen. 

There were several more of the kiss at different stages, like a freeze frame video, and then there were others that looked more static. These were different, not like the still shots of the kiss. They were all various angles that showed the two of them naked and embracing while lying tangled in white sheets. It was clear they were both sleeping, and the embrace they shared looked staged, as if it was nothing more than an arrangement of limbs. 

At this, Hyunsuk leaned forward a fraction and nodded. "I see. Do you think you can fill me in on the rest, now." 

Jiyong closed his eyes and nodded. He recited the history of that evening back to his hyung, not leaving out any details, even if he thought it might be unimportant. Maybe he should have felt some embarrassment talking about his attraction to his maknae, and how they'd both been enticed into seeking out a menage-a-troi with a woman neither of them knew, but Jiyong was already numb to emotion. He spoke about it as if it had happened to someone else. In a way, though, it had. 

Hyunsuk took it all in, not interrupting to chastise or ask any questions. When Jiyong was finished, Hyunsuk reached for the mouse and flicked back through the images on the screen, scrutinizing each one. Finally, he said, "There's no text in the messages, only the photographs. They'll be expecting us to contact them with an offer."

Jiyong shot a look at his hyung. "That's all you have to say about it?"

Hyunsuk clicked a few more times and forwarded the group of emails to his own account. "I'm guessing you were both drugged?"

"I think so. We both have black spots in our memories. We were also more susceptible to suggestion. Seungri thought there might have been an upper in the vents of the club, but I think it was more targeted than that."

"Rohypnol is my guess. Or something along those lines." Hyunsuk shut down the email account and leaned back, steepling his fingers in front of him. "Jiyongah, I'm not going to rake you over the coals you for something you obviously know you were being reckless about. I think you'll do more than enough of that to yourself. But what about Seungri? Why isn't he here with you."

Jiyong chewed on his bottom lip. "He doesn't know."

"Hmmm. So you're trying to protect the maknae."

"He has so much more to lose."

Hyunsuk nodded. "I agree. Let's keep him out of it for now. If I feel as if we can't contain things, we'll talk to him before it gets out. But I'm pretty sure we can prevent that from happening. We have lawyers and money, and this wouldn't be the first time we've had to squash something."

"Thank you, hyung."

"For now, just leave it to me. Don't think about it. Don't make yourself get sick over it. I know you."

"Yes, hyung." Jiyong bowed his head. 

"And one more thing, Jiyongah--" Hyunsuk cocked his head to the side as he looked at his hoobae. "Why didn't tell me about you and your Maknae. Do you think I would have tried to separate you?"

"Hyung…" Jiyong felt his cheeks grow warm. "It's not like that. Seungri and I aren't..."

"I've always said you liked each other too much. I'm not blind, Jiyongah. Maybe we could have prevented this if you had told me. But now that I know, I'm sure you don't have to hear it from me to be cautious. One incident we can cover up, but if more pop up, I can't guarantee anything."

Jiyong swallowed. "But we're not… You don't have to worry about that. Seungri and I don't plan to continue… this…" His words trailed off and he pressed his hand against his breastbone to relieve some of the ache that had settled there.   
Hyunsuk nodded. "That is probably the most wise course. We don't encourage workplace relationships here for a reason. And as long as that is your decision, that's good. However," Hyunsuk leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk, "If you were to decide otherwise, I trust that you are both professionals, and you know well enough the consequences if you were discovered. I would support you. And I would do whatever was in my power to shield you."

It shocked him to see the sincerity in Hyunsuk-hyun's expression. Jiyong felt his eyes sting and he blinked rapidly. "It's too high--the cost. It's not just myself, or Seungri--there are so many people this will affect if this does get out. I can't let that happen."

"If you're worried about me or the company, then don't. I think we're diverse enough to withstand this type of scandal. And about Bigbang--"

"Bigbang would be done," Jiyong said. 

"A few years ago, I would have agreed with you. Emphatically. The band would be over. Your career in Asia would be over. Seungri's career in Asia, Seungri's businesses in Asia… the stakeholders wouldn't tolerate it. He'd be done. But now… I'm not so sure it would be as bad as all that. Attitudes are changing, especially with the younger generation."

"Do you really think I want to gamble on that?"

Hyunsuk signed. "No, you wouldn't. Your massive sense of responsibility would prevent you."

"Then I won't waste your time on what ifs."

"Just once I wish you could set all that aside and do something selfish, that for once you could be yourself, Jiyongah."

Jiyong could only give him a twist of a smile. "Then you should never have asked me to join YG in the first place."

There was nothing Hyunsuk-hyung could say. Jiyong thanked him once again for offering to take care of the emails, bowed and exited the office. He bowed again to his hyung's secretary, promising to stay longer another day so that he could catch up with her and hear about how her family was doing. 

As he walked the familiar path back to the studio that was like a second home to him, he kept a tight hold on his feelings. He knew his hyung was the best person to take care of the problem, but the thought of what would happen if any hint of this got out made his stomach churn. The situation with Seungri had become messy. Too messy. 

Jiyong continued to blink to clear his vision. Why couldn't that idiot of a man he called his maknae have just been repulsed by him? It would have been so much easier if Seungri had flat out told him he was disgusted about what had happened and that he didn't want Jiyong anywhere near him. Instead, he had to go and admit he was curious, that he'd even felt something, and he'd made it all to obvious he wanted more. 

As he rounded the corner and entered the studio, Jiyong was barely able to see. He slammed the door shut, thanking whatever deity smiled on him at that moment that the studio was empty. Then he slumped against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. He pressed his face against his drawn up knees and wrapped his arms around them, making himself as small as he could, and then, he allowed himself one small moment to give in. He let his tears flow free as he surrendered himself up to the heaving, wracking emotions that crashed over him like a wave. 

As much as it was torture, he forced himself to go back and remember the way Seungri, only a few short hours ago, had pulled him into their first proper kiss. This was no peck on the lips like the day before, or the moment two weeks ago that was a blank space in his memory. Step by step, he relived the way Seungri had held him, and how he had slowly turned the kiss from sweet and poignant to incendiary. Jiyong knew he had not been wrong about his reaction to it. He truly had never been so lost to a kiss. He'd never relinquished control like that. He'd never trusted like that. And he had never wanted anything so damn fucking much in his life as he had wanted Seungri in that moment.

His whole body twitched as he cried wet patches into the knees of his jeans. 

He knew it was unreasonable to be this devastated over having to let go of a stupid crush he'd had for years, but he felt as if he'd lost something monumental, even if he didn't know what the hell that was. It's not as if he'd lost Seungri, even. It might take a while, but they'd recover and be back to their old maknae and hyung relationship. So what was the matter with him? 

Jiyong was left alone in the studio to cry, and when he finally left the place a few hours later to go home, nobody so much as looked his way.

Three days later, Bae found him holed up in his apartment. 

"What are you doing here?" Jiyong said as he opened the door to the furious knocks he'd tried to ignore. Bae was clearly pissed. His face all red and his jaw clenched tightly. 

"What the fuck? You've been ignoring my calls for days. I wasn't even sure you were alive."

Jiyong shrugged. "Yeah well. I am." He turned and slouched back inside, leaving the door open for Bae to follow. 

"You look like hell and your place is a mess," Bae said behind him.

He ignored Bae's accusation. He knew his apartment looked like a dump. Takeout containers littered the low table in the living room, the kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes, and various cups, mugs, cans, glasses and bottles were piled throughout. It was almost as if a bumping party had occurred and this was the morning after, but there'd been no parties here. Maybe a pity party. For one.

Jiyon rubbed his hands along his jaw where three day old scruff had grown. He couldn't remember having changed his clothes. He also wasn't sure if he was still drunk or if he was hungover, but he felt like shit. 

Bae put a hand on his shoulder and forced him to turn around and face him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Ji said. 

"So you just go into hiding and binge on alcohol while ignoring everyone who's trying to get a hold of you over nothing?"

"It's nothing I want to talk about," Jiyong bit out. 

Bae nodded, his eyes narrowed as he looked directly at Jiyong, making him twitch. "Yeah. Okay. So what went wrong with Seungri?"

Jiyong pulled Bae's hand off his shoulder. "Why the hell does everything have to be about Seungri?"

Yongbae rolled his eyes. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything, but you do need to get your head out of your ass and clean up. We've got a photoshoot in a few hours. Pretty sure you forgot, didn't you?"

"Fuck. Is that today?"

"Yes, Yongah, it's today. Why do you think everyone's been blowing up your phone. Your manager was practically in tears. He didn't want to disturb you at home in case you bit his head off."

Jiyong crossed his arms over his chest. "When have I ever?" he said with a pout. Yongbae raised an eyebrow. "Only like once. Or twice. Really just a handful of times." 

"You're such a fucking diva." Yongbae shook his head. "Go take a shower. You smell."

"Fuck you," Jiyong said, but there was no barb in his tone. He sighed and turned to follow Bae's instructions. He'd had a handful of days to wallow, and now it was time to move on. He supposed the magazine photoshoot with all five of them would be the perfect time for him to prove just how unaffected he could pretend to be by whole situation. Hyunsuk-hyung was handling things on his end, he had no doubt, otherwise he'd have called him by now, so now it was up to Jiyong to handle his own shit. 

While he was in the shower, he rested his hand against the wall and let the water cleanse him. He'd set the temperature as hot as he could stand it, and now his skin was turning pink. This was just another bump in the road of the life of Kwon Jiyong, and he needed to get his head back into the right space. His lips twisted into a mocking smile as he squeezed his eyes shut. He had nothing left to cry about. It had been his decision afterall. Although it had stung a little bit extra knowing that Seungri hadn't even tried anything to make him to change his mind. He'd heard nothing from the maknae.

But he knew Seungri, and he knew that his maknae had only been excited about the prospect of something new and forbidden. It hadn't really been about Jiyong at all. Jiyong couldn't say the same, for him, it was always about Seungri. So, in the end, it was better this way. He snorted as he chuckled to himself. Wouldn't want to end up with a broken heart, now would he?

He finished up in the shower, shaved, brushed his teeth, scraped his hair back and pulled on clean clothes. He almost felt like a new man when he walked back out to find Youngbae with a trash bag clearing up the debris in his apartment. 

"You don't have to, Bae-yah." 

"I wasn't going to wait for you in the middle of this filth." Bae looked up. "You're looking a lot better."

"I feel a lot better."

Youngbae gave him a grin, and for the first time in three days, Jiyong felt like he might just be okay. It's not like he'd lost his friends, or that Seungri and he would never speak again. No, he knew they'd be back to where they were with a little time, and he was perfectly happy with that. He didn't need anything else. He'd long ago resigned himself to nothing else. He grabbed another trash bag and started to help his best friend with the chore of putting his apartment back to normal.

Taehee came by an hour or so later to pick them both up and drive them to the shoot location. They were doing a magazine spread with a special feature on the band and their longevity. Jiyong gave his manager a bow and mouthed an apology as he climbed into the car. The man nodded and smiled at him, happy his charge was no longer avoiding him, and Jiyong felt a pinch of regret for having blown him off. 

As they drove to their destination, Bae turned to him and said, "So, tell me, am I going to have to fight Seungri now?"

Jiyong snorted. "No. It's not his fault."

"Okay, that's good to hear. I know I can take him but I might get hurt in the process. He looks soft, but that boy knows jiu jitsu." Youngbae turned to raise a questioning eyebrow at Jiyong. "Are you really going to be okay?"

"Of course I will be. I don't have a choice, do I?"

"You always have a choice."

Jiyong let out a breath and looked at his hands. He rubbed his thumb over the smiley face that was etched into the skin of his other hand. Happiness. It was always a just out of reach. "You're right. I do have a choice. And I made my choice. That's why it will be okay."

"Last question, I promise… Have you started writing yet?"

This time Jiyong laughed. His friend knew him too well. His best inspiration came from pain. "Not yet, but I will."

The photoshoot location was an abandoned warehouse. The spread was going for an industrial look. Jiyong took a few deep breaths before they entered the building, then pulled his G-Dragon persona around him like a cloak. He strode into the location like he owned the place. He smiled and flirted with the team of make up artists and stylists and he definitely did not try see if he could find where his maknae was hiding. As they draped him in velvet and lace and did up his face with thick black eyeliner, Jiyong felt as if he was being fitted into leather and steel. This was his armor, and nothing could get at him when he was the dragon. 

When they finally took him out to the set, Jiyong's eyes were immediately drawn to where Seungri was waiting. Like opposite magnetic poles, his maknae couldn't help but look up at him and their eyes met with a jolt. In the time it took for light to travel between them, Jiyong was completely undone.

His maknae was beautiful. They had dressed him in dark silk and sheer chiffon and given him just enough makeup to highlight his best features. Seungri's hair was swept back to show off his wide forehead, and just a touch of eye-liner made his eyes dark and expressive. 

Jiyong felt a physical pain in his chest as he couldn't pull his eyes from Seungri. He started to take quick shallow breaths. He was going to hyperventilate at this rate. And judging by the way his maknae had paled, he didn't think Seungri was any less affected. 

A hand curling around his arm startled him and made him finally break eye contact. He turned to find Younbae looking at him with concern. 

"You're not okay, are you?"

Jiyong bit his lip as he felt his eyes start to burn again. He was not even in the same country as okay, and he had a sinking feeling he would never ever be again. 

"Bae," he said as his bottom lip quivered. "I'm screwed, aren't I?"


	8. Dangerous Liaisons

Seungri had done enough introspection in the time since he'd seen Jiyong three days ago to last him a lifetime. Over that time, he'd come to several conclusions; a) he wasn't exactly straight, and he'd probably been in denial about that for a long time, however b) he could not continue to stay in denial now that he was aware, and also c) he was, in particular, deeply attracted to Jiyong. The more he thought about it, the more he knew that this wasn't an ordinary flash in the pan sort of lust, like he often experienced around women. He'd been suppressing these feelings for Jiyong for several years, labelling it as hero worship or brotherly love. 

He'd been kidding himself. 

Seungri looked at his other hyungs who were waiting around for the photoshoot to start. He admired Youngbae-hyung, and truly did love him like a brother, but nope, didn't want to fuck him. Same could be said for Seunghyun-hyung--although he would also throw jealousy into that whole mix of feelings for his eldest hyung, and quite a bit of awe. Daesung-hyung was the closest to him in age and the most like a true sibling. He would do anything for Daesung, purely as a friend and brother, they all would. 

But, one look at Jiyong and he was thrown into a flat spin. Jiyong was talking quietly to Youngbae on the other side of the set, and Seungri couldn't stop staring at the curve of his neck where the inked feathers from his tattoo curled lovingly. He wanted to touch those feathers, spread his fingers gently along the lines, move in close and press his cheek against Jiyong's soft hair and breathe him in. And he could admin this wasn't the first time he'd had this particular desire. 

Seungri flushed and looked down at his hands. He was starting to sweat in all this fabric they had wrapped him in. He was going to need a touch up to his makeup before they even started taking photos. 

No, wanting to be close to Jiyong, wanting skinship with Jiyong, wasn't a new thing at all. He was more than a little obsessed with his hyung and had been since he'd overheard Jiyong telling Yang-sajangnim that he wanted nothing to do with Seungri and the others when they'd first come to try out for Bigbang. Since that time, Seungri been hell bent on winning Jiyong to his side. It had only taken him a few months to charm Yang Hyunsuk's prodigy child, but there was no doubt that Jiyong had completely charmed him in return. From that time on, Seungri had been a little obsessed with keeping the lion's share of his hyung's love and attention. 

He was drawn into to looking at Jiyong once again, not able to prevent the subconscious movement that kept pulling his eyes in his direction. Seungri let out a puff of air that could only have been a sigh. That yearning need to be close to Jiyong was stronger than ever. Over the last few days, it felt like it had intensified exponentially. And it wasn't even a lust thing, even though that was still there, definitely still there, but he just missed being with Jiyong.

"Maknae!" The tall, slender shape of Seunghyun-hyung cut off his line of sight as his most senior hyung walked up to him and patted him on the head. "Why do you look like someone drowned your puppy?"

"Hello Seungriah." Daesung-hyung stepped out from behind Seunghyun and sat down beside him, crossing his legs and smiling brightly. "Welcome back to Korea, although I'm a little late." Daesung giggled. "I saw the photos online, looks like Jiyong-hyung beat us to it."

"You sent me a welcome message already," Seungri pointed out. 

"Yes, but I didn't get to greet you in person, until now, that is. You know, like someone else did." Daesung winked broadly and then smiled as if everyone was in on the secret. 

Seungri shook his head and turned to Seunghyun. "You haven't been letting him drink caffeine, have you?"

"I don't tell him what to drink," Seunghyun said with deadpan seriousness. "Just like I don't tell you what to eat."

Frowning, Seungri said, "No, what I meant was he just seems a little hyper…"

"It's a great day to be alive, Seungriah, don't stomp all over Daesungie's _joie de vivre_." Seunghyun-hyung moved to sit on his other side and slung an arm around Seungri's shoulder. "Just because you are having a bad day, don't take it out on someone else."

"What are you even talking about?" Seungri rubbed a hand down his face. 

"We are talking about you," Daesung said, putting a hand on his knee. "You're being very quiet sitting over here."

"And you're staring at your boyfriend as if he's a large banquet locked behind a glass window and you're starving on the other side," Seunghyun added.

"Yah. He's not my boyfriend, okay."

Daesung and Seunghyun looked at each other and burst out laughing. Seunghyun shook his head, still chuckling, and said, "Oh you poor boy, when are you going to figure things out."

"There's nothing to figure out," Seungri said, his bottom lip starting to pout. 

"Don't let him get to you," Daesung said, still smiling, "You know that Nyongtory's his favorite ship. I wouldn't be surprised if he contributes to your online community." 

Seunghyun shrugged. "I can't help it, I just want to smoosh them together. They're so cute."

"But hyung," Daesung put his hand out to grab a hold of Seunghyun's shoulder, "you can't go projecting your fantasies onto poor little Seungriah. You know he's not like that. He only loves girls. Isn't that right, Seungriah? You only love girls?"

Both turned to look at him. Seungri growled in frustration. "Would both of you idiots stop mocking me."

"Ah, maknae-ah. We're just trying to cheer you up." Seunghyun-hyung rubbed his back. "Not working, is it?"

"You could have just bought me a cake or something."

"I told you we should have got a cake," Daesung said to Seunghyun in a mock whisper. "Why did you tell me no cake?"

"Because you wanted me to pay for it."

"But you're the hyung, you should pay."

"I didn't want to waste my money on cake for the maknae."

Seungri chuckled. "Thanks, hyung."

Seunghyun smiled. "At least I made you laugh." He leaned a little closer and gave Seungri a serious look. "Now tell us the real reason why you're moping in the corner here instead of entertaining your hyungs with your usual verbosity?"

Seungri looked from Seunghyun to Daesung, who nodded at him and said, "You don't have to tell us, but if something is burdening you, it's better to get it off your chest."

"Ah, I don't think so. You guys will just mock me even more," Seungri said.

"Us?" Seunghyun pointed between himself and Daesung. "We would never!"

Daesung slapped Seunghyun on the back. "We do that all the time, hyung." He turned back to Seungri. "It's okay if you don't want to share."

"It's not that I don't want to... " Seungri sighed. "It's just complicated."

Seunghyun shook his head. "Nothing in life is complicated. All it comes down to is, what do you really want, and what are you willing to do to get it. For example, what do I really want? The answer is always ice cream. What am I willing to do to get it?" He tapped his nose. "If I tell you I once performed oral sex in a train station bathroom for a Samanco ice cream sandwich, you would probably not believe me."

Seungri snorted and Daesung's hands flew to cover his ears while his cheeks grew red. Seungri said, "We don't want to know, hyung. We really don't."

"It was merely an example." Seunghyun winked. "Totally based on fact."

"You're talking about a frozen treat, though. That's pretty straightforward. What if you don't know what you want? What if you can't have what you want?"

"You always know what you want. You just need to be honest with yourself," Seunghyun said. 

Daesung nodded. "Listen to hyung. He's not as stupid as he looks."

Seunghyun turned to Daesung. "I'm not as stupid as you look."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"And neither do you."

Daesung was about to respond when Seungri put up his hand. "Ugh, you're giving me a headache."

"Sorry maknae," Daesung said, looking genuinely remorseful. 

"I'm not," Seunghyun said.

"He is, just ignore him." Daesung threw Seunghyun-hyung a frown, then reached over and patted Seungri's knee. "We're both just concerned about you. We're your hyungs, we can tell when you're having a hard time. We just want to help you."

Seungri sighed. "Thank you, hyungie. I don't think there's anything you can do."

"Which one is it?" Seunghyun said. "Is it that you don't know what you want, or that you can't get what you want?"

"Both," said Seungri as he looked down at his hands knotted in his lap. He suddenly wished he could spill everything to his hyungs, but it wasn't right to put them in the middle of this--for multiple reasons. 

"Mmm, I see." Seunghyun said. "I think you do know what you want, though, otherwise you wouldn't know that you can't get it."

Seungri couldn't help but look over his hyung's shoulder across the room at Jiyong, who was nodding his head at something Youngbae was telling him. He quickly flicked his eyes back to his hands, hoping the other two hadn't caught him looking that way. "Maybe you're right. But what good does it do? I can't get what I want. I'm just being realistic."

"You should think about it and pray about it. Maybe there's a way. Or maybe it's not for you in the first place," Daesung said. 

"Or you could figure out what you are willing to do, what you're willing to sacrifice to get it," Seunghyun added.

Seungri shook his head. "I'm not willing to sacrifice other people. It's not just about me and--"

"You are overthinking it. This is really not about others, it is about you, and what you are willing to live with. Take everything else out of the equation, and what are you left with?"

Seungri looked at his hyung, and wondered if he only liked to play oblivious, but in reality he knew everything that went on. Did he know more about him and Jiyong than he was saying?

"Excuse me…" An assistant walked up to them and interrupted their conversation. "The PD is ready for the shoot. Could you make your way over to the scene, please?"

They spent the morning following the PD's commands to pose in various ways for the shoot while cameras recorded everything. For Seungri it was pure torture. The PD had decided to play up the bromance aspect of the group for the spread, and so, of course, he was more often than not paired with Jiyong. Seungri tried his best to be professional, but having his hyung draped over him in different ways for several hours had to have been one of the most excruciating experiences of his life. He could only thank the wardrobe gods that his shirt was long enough to cover the obvious boner he was sporting. 

What hurt, though, was that Jiyong barely said two words to him. Would only look at him if instructed to do so, and even when he did, Seungri could see the shuttered expression behind Jiyong's eyes. He'd never felt so distant from his hyung, and feeling like they would never be close again had left a deep ache in the middle of his chest. 

By the time the shoot was done, Seungri was physically and mentally drained. He decided to avoid his hyungs, knowing that Seunghyun and Daesungie were looking for him, and he even slipped past his manager--he was too fragile to deal with his brand of tough love. He sneaked out of the building without even bothering to change, and before anyone could track him down, he took his manager's car with a hastily written text of apology, and drove home.

By the time he arrived at his apartment complex, Seungri wondered if he'd been too rash. He'd have to figure out how to get the clothes from the photoshoot back to the company, and his manager had been blowing his phone up with some very colorful and pissed off messages. In the end, he left the keys with the front desk and sent his manager another message telling him where he could pick up the car. Then he turned off his phone. 

When he got back to his apartment, he carefully stripped out of his clothes from the set and folded them, putting them in a separate bag that he could return at some point. Right now, though, he needed to take a shower to clean all the makeup and sweat off from the shoot. 

He set the water to as hot as he could stand it, and squeezing his eyes shut, he leaned against the shower wall with the water beating against this back. His head hurt, and he was a horrible mixture of horny and heartbroken. He reached down to give his half hard dick a squeeze, and immediately a vision of Jiyong climbing into the shower with him and wrapping his long-fingered hand around his dick popped into his head. Seungri groaned, the sound echoing off the walls around him. 

Just the thought of Jiyong made him hard as a rock. If he had ever been in denial about how he felt about his hyung, he couldn't stand here and lie to himself as he palmed his painful erection. He was in desperate need of release, but he was also sorely missing Jiyong. He wanted to know what it felt like to have Jiyong pressed against his back, skin on skin, breath heavy on his neck, while he brought him to the edge of insanity with his hand.

Seungri grabbed a bottle of hair conditioner and squirted some on his hand for lubrication. He didn't give a damn anymore, he wanted to give in, he wanted to acknowledge that this was how he felt and he didn't care what that said about him. He wrapped his hand around his dick and fell into the fantasy of having his hyung bring him off in exactly this way. 

As he pumped his fist, all he could think about was Jiyong. Jiyong's eyes, Jiyong's smile, Jiyong's laugh. The way Jiyong sometimes looked at him like he wanted to devour him. That made him gasp. He thought about Jiyong's arms wrapped around him, holding him close, about his low voice humming half formed lyrics into his ear. He shivered as he felt the muscles of his abdomen tighten. He was so damn close. Jiyong touching him, jiyong kissing him, jiyong telling him he loved him.

He came with a grunt of surprise, jerking and twitching into his lax hand as all his bottled up frustration was released in one orgasmic moment. 

Holding on to the wall, Seungri gasped as the last euphoric feelings dissipated. He was left shaking and empty.

He washed up quickly and shut off the shower and climbed out on less than steady legs. After a hastily towling himself dry, he pulled on sweats and an old t-shirt and stumbled towards his bed. Seungri crawled into the rumpled covers and pulled his pillow close to his body. Allowing himself to give in to lust had done nothing to help the ache in his chest. He felt like he was back to being a hormonal teen, because now his eyes were tearing up and all he wanted to do was cry. 

Seunghyun-hyung's words came back to him. He knew what he wanted. Ignoring everything else, what it boiled down to was that he wanted to be with Jiyongah. He wanted to be with him in every way, as friends, as brothers, as lovers… It was as simple as that. 

Seungri sniffed and pressed his face deep into his pillow. Could it be that he didn't just love his hyung, but that he might possibly be in love with him? He didn't have anything to compare it to, so how could he honestly know? 

He lifted his face from the pillow and wiped at the wetness in his eyes, then he grabbed his phone from the table next to the bed and turned it on. He ignored the messages from his manager and from his other hyungs, probably wondering why he'd left so suddenly. Jiyong hadn't messaged or tried to call him, but Seungri was not expecting him to. 

The thing was, he knew exactly what he was willing to do. Or rather, what he wasn't willing to do. He wasn't willing to live without Jiyong in his life in every way he could possibly have him. 

He pressed his speed dial, the only one he had on his phone. It rang a several times before it was picked up on the other end.

"Maknae-ah. What do you want?"

Seungri smiled as the ache in his chest quite simply vanished. Just hearing his voice alone made him happy. "Can you just hear me out for two minutes?"

"I'm tired, Maknae-ah. I don't have time for this."

Jiyong did sound tired. Seungri could only imagine that today had been just as taxing on him. "I understand, hyung. You don't have to say anything, just listen to me." He took the sigh at the other end of the line as agreement. "What I want to say is… what if we keep it just between us? We don't have to tell anyone, it's not about them, anyway. We can keep it between us. Just us. Nobody has to know that we… that I--"

"Seungriah."

"I'm not done, hyung. I just want you to understand that I can't be like this… without you, I can't…"

"Seungriah… Stop. You don't have to say anything else. I'm coming over. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Hyung?"

"Twenty minutes."

Jiyong cut the call and Seungri was left staring at his phone while the disconnect tone beeped. 

Twenty minutes. Shit.

He dropped his phone and scrambled off his bed. He looked like a mess. His eyes were all red and puffy. His t-shirt had holes in it for god's sake. His apartment looked like nobody had cleaned for three days, which was in fact the truth. 

Seungri ransacked his closet for a nice button down shirt and a pair of khaki pants, but when he put it on, he realised he looked like he was trying too hard. He ditched the khakis for an old pair of jeans. Then he ran some product through his hair, going for an artfully messy look. He stopped short of the bb cream, although he wished he could do something about the dark patches under his eyes. 

After that, he ran around his apartment frantically trying to straighten up and stuff things back in their place. He had just finished stacking the dishwasher when the buzzer sounded for the front entrance of the apartment building.

He peered into the camera to see Jiyong standing on the steps outside, wearing a hat pulled down over his ears and a mask to cover most of his face. Seungri pushed the button to unlock the door downstairs, then paced the front entry as he waited for his hyung. 

It took only a few minutes until the knock sounded on his front door. Seungri flung the door open to let Jiyong inside. A storm of butterflies rose up in his stomach now that his hyung was finally standing in front of him. He tried to say something, but his brain didn't seem to be functioning.

Jiyong nodded at him and walked inside, throwing his hat and mask on the table, and kicking off his boots before slipping his feet into the house shoes that were waiting for him. There was a strange look in his hyung's eyes that Seungri couldn't read. It made his palms start to sweat.

"I need to make two things clear," Jiyong said as he walked past Seungri and through to the living room. Seungri followed, wiping his palms on the back of his jeans. Jiyong turned to face him with his hands firmly on his hips. "First, I'm not after a quick fuck. If we do this, then we go all in, do you understand."

Seungri's breath caught. A tiny bubble of joy began to expand in his chest. "Yes. I agree. It's all or nothing, hyung."

Jiyoung nodded. "And second, we don't tell anyone. Not Youngbae or Daesung or Seunghyun-hyung. Not our families or our sisters. Nobody but us, except for one other person."

"Who?"

"Hyunsuk-hyung needs to know."

Frowning, Seungri considered Jiyong's words. "Wouldn't he be against us?"

"If anything were to happen, he's the only one who can truly protect us. And he doesn't like surprises."

"Okay," Seungri said, nodding slowly, "We tell Yang-sajangnim and only Yang-sajangnim. Is that all?"

Jiyong bit his lip, and Seungri saw his hyung's bravado slip. The small tell made him realise that Jiyong was just as nervous as he was. "Unless you have anything to add," Jiyong said. 

"Only this…" Seungri stepped up to his hyung, put his hands on either side of Jiyong's face, and kissed him. If this was what drowning felt like, then he never wanted to come up for air.


	9. Truly, Madly, Deeply

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize in advance for any errors. I will not have time to do edits for the next few days, but wanted to post this rather than sit on it. Please let me know your thoughts int he comments, I love to hear from you :)

Sometime between Chimek and the scrolling credits of the movie they'd been watching, Seungri had fallen asleep on him. His head lolled on the back of the couch, and his mouth hung open while his face was completely relaxed as he snored softly. Jiyong had seen his maknae in this exact pose countless times, and it was always endearing to him, but this time as he took the uninterrupted moment to just look at Seungri, his emotions shifted. A warmth settled inside of him, a comforting blanket of contentment wrapped around him. He wasn't just looking at his maknae, he was looking at… his boyfriend?

Jiyong giggled silently. 

Was that really what they were now? 

Honestly, this morning if someone had said that by the evening he'd be cuddled up to his boyfriend on the couch, eating chicken, drinking beer, and watching a movie, he would have told them to fuck off. This morning he had all but convinced himself that he would be able to let go of Seungri and continue with his life as if they were nothing more than friends and colleagues. But all it had taken was one single phone call from Seungri and he'd broken the speed limit to get to him. 

Jiyong touched his fingers to his lips and smiled. 

The tingle in his lips from when Seungri had kissed him remained. They had kissed until both of them were short of breath and filled to the brim with emotion. Jiyong couldn't deny that he'd been almost out of his mind and ready to take things further, but something had held him back. 

When he had stepped away from Seungri's embrace, his maknae had looked confused and maybe even a little hurt, but when Jiyong had grinned and said, "We should probably discuss a few things before we end up trying to screw each other's brains out--like how I know you haven't fucked another dude before, and to be honest, I haven't ever taken it that far either, despite the fact that I'm a slut", Seungri had laughed and blushed adorably. 

Jiyong had reached up to run his fingers along Seungri's jaw and suggested that maybe they should take their time just being together before they worked their way up to that. 

Seungri had agreed, and thus was born the idea of an evening with takeout and a movie. 

Snuggling on the couch together wasn't a new experience, nor was slipping his hand over Seungri's thigh or twining their fingers together, but there had never been this sort of shy tension between them. They had grinned at each other like idiots, laughed and giggled as if they were teenagers again, and just talked about stupid stuff. Jiyong couldn't even tell you what the movie was about, when all he could see was Seungri.

And the entire time, Jiyong had been able to push away any thoughts of dangerous photographs and the potential they had to destroy them if the media ever got a hold of them. 

As he looked as his sleeping maknae, he brushed small stray strands of hair from his face and marvelled at how smooth and perfect his skin was. Seungri was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. He was handsome and masculine, but there was also this underlying vulnerability that had drawn Jiyong to him. He would do everything in his power to protect him. If Seungri wanted to be with him, then he wasn't going to deny him, or himself, but he would make sure they were careful to keep it a secret. And he wasn't ever going to let him go. 

Jiyong smiled to himself and then stifled a yawn. If he wasn't careful, he'd fall asleep right here, too, and then pay for it in the morning. He shifted and grabbed his phone, pulling up the app to order a taxi, then gently nudged Seungri. 

"Riyah," he said softly. "Wake up. You should go to bed." 

Seungri grumbled then rolled to curl up closer to him. Having Seungri's warm body cuddled up next to him sent another wave of tingling warmth through him. Jiyong grinned and began to tickle his maknae's ribs. Seungri squirmed and whined, trying to shake him off, but Jiyong continued until Seungri said sleepily, "Hyung, stop torturing me."

Leaning in Jiyong whispered into Seungri's ear. "Not until you are awake."

Seungri whined. "Hyung..."

"Come on, slug, get up and get to bed. I have to go home, too." Jiyong moved from tickling to gently tugging on Seungri's arms to pull him upright.

Seungri's eyes drifted open. "Don't go home. Stay here."

"You know I can't. Didn't we agree to take things slow?"

The younger rolled his eyes. "I'm too tired for anything. Just stay with me and sleep. Like we used to do. I miss that."

Jiyong ruffled Seungri's hair. "You mean when I would latch on to you like an octopus and you would complain loudly how unfair it was you were the one who had to share a bed with me?"

Seungri yawned. "I didn't mind it. I just pretended to be offended. I won't mind it now, either."

Biting his lip, Jiyong looked at his phone. There was still time to cancel the taxi. He swiped the app and sent the notice that he no longer needed a ride. Then he put his phone down and smiled. "Okay, Riyah, but don't get upset when I treat you like one of my pillows."

They brushed their teeth side by side, smiling at each other in the bathroom mirror, then dressed for bed, Seungri in sleeveless t-shirt and underwear, and Jiyong in a pair of loose sweatpants that belonged to Seungri. Jiyong blushed when Seungri climbed into bed, then pulled the covers down on his side and patted the mattress. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this giddy over what was just a sleepover. 

"I'm cold, hyung. Come here and keep me warm." Seungri looked up at him with dark, sleepy eyes.

"You're such a flirt. No wonder all those women couldn't resist you." Jiyong ran a hand down his chest and grinned. "I bet all you had to do was bat your impossibly long eyelashes and they'd fall right into bed with you."

Seungri proceeded to demonstrate his skill. "Does it work on you, too, hyung?"

Laughing, Jiyong launched himself onto the bed and tackled Seungri around the waist. "You have no idea." He nuzzled his face into Seungri's side and hummed contentedly. "I don't think you can possibly understand how much I like you."

He felt a hand settle into his hair, and Seungri shifted to make room for them both. "I like you, too, hyung."

"Is it confession time now? Is that what it is? You should have said it earlier."

Seungri snorted. "You know I like you. I thought kissing you might be a clue."

"Mmm. You were just trying to get into my pants. I know you Lee Seunghyun-ssi. Now you're trying to sweet talk me."

"Whatever it takes to make you mine, Kwon Jiyong-ssi." 

"Ah, Riyah. Don't you know? You don't have to do anything at all. I'm already yours. I always have been." Jiyong lifted his head to find Seungri glancing down at him with eyes that were full of intensity. "You didn't know this?"

"You said you wanted me when you first saw me?" 

"It was… Do you remember what I said, how I'd always just liked who I liked, that if I thought a boy was pretty, or had nice eyes, or a cute smile that it wasn't a big deal to me?" Seungri nodded, and Jiyong looked away for a moment, suddenly feeling vulnerable. "With you, it wasn't like that. I didn't just notice you, Riyah--" he drew in a breath, trying to settle his suddenly shaky pulse-- "I know this may sound overly dramatic, but it was like a personal revelation."

Seungri started shaking, and Jiyong looked up at him again and frowned. 

"Are you laughing at me?"

"I'm sorry," Seungri said, wiping his eyes as he laughed silently. "But yes, you really are being dramatic."

"Yah!" Jiyong punched him on the arm. "I'm trying to bare my soul here."

Seungri winced. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I promise I won't laugh at you. Tell me, I want to know."

"You'd better not." Jiyong couldn't help the way the corners of his lips twitched up. "And don't think you're special either. Just because you waltzed into my life and completely turned it upside down."

His maknae's smile grew wide with affection and it warmed his heart. "I really did that?"

"Of all people, this runty, skinny kid from Gwangju showed up and for the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to want someone just for myself. You weren't just pretty or attractive, you stole my breath, you made my heart race. I could barely get any words out around you. I had a hard time even being in the same room as you. You were like this shining light, this tiny force of nature… still are."

Seungri's eyes grew wide at his words and he gently touched Jiyong's face. "I had no idea. I thought you hated me."

Jiyong's mouth twisted. "Oh, I did hate you. For making me feel like that. For making me understand without a doubt that I really was into boys. For being all… all cute and funny and smart and ridiculously talented. You drove me crazy, maknae."

Seungri continued to stroke his cheek, making a delicious warmth unfold inside him. "Why didn't you tell me? That you felt that way."

"Do you think you would have understood, even back then? You were girl crazy. It was a new girl every week with you. You fell in and out of love more often than I changed my hair color."

His maknae grimaced. "It never meant anything, though."

"Still, you can understand why I was hesitant to tell you."  
Seungri nodded and glanced down, and Jiyong felt the urge to touch his eyelashes, thinking they must be incredibly soft. "I think I was confused myself. I never put it into words, and you know how much I worshiped you, but it was more than that. I… was jealous. For your affection. Your attention. I wanted it all for myself. When I acted out, it was because I wanted you to notice me. I think… I think it scared me how much I idolized you. The girls were a way to prove to myself that it wasn't anything more than that." 

"And now?"

A smile spread slowly across Seungri's lips, and when he flicked his eyes back to Jiyong, the look he gave him caused Jiyong's stomach to hollow out. "And now?"

Suddenly Jiyong felt his breath whoosh out as Seungri flipped him onto his back even before he could knew what was happening. His maknae pinned him down and leaned over him, then he dipped down and covered his mouth with a kiss.

The kiss started fierce, and Jiyong could only react with a groan. Without preamble, Seungri slid his tongue into Jiyong's mouth and stoked up a fire with each flick and curl. His lips were bruising, and his teeth nipped painfully more than once, but every movement combined to make JIyong reel. Seungri's heavy body pressed him down into the bed, covering him and making him hum with unspent tension. It was so easy to want to give up control and let Seungri do whatever he wanted. 

But then Suengri's movements slowed, the kiss was no less intense, but instead became soft, reverent. He shifted his weight off of JIyong and brought his arms around him, pulling him into his side. The kiss became more give and take, each participating equally, sharing, giving, wordlessly communicating all their affection. 

A cocoon of warmth and bliss settled around Jiyong. He was half hard, but the urgency had dissipated and left him warm and content. If he didn't know better, he would have thought he was basking in the afterglow of having spent himself. 

When Seungri finally stopped moving his lips against Jiyong's, he waited a few seconds before slowly separating from Jiyong. After a moment, he said, "I don't think it's just hero worship, hyung."

"Mmm," Jiyong felt completely boneless. "When you call me hyung like this it feels so dirty."

Seungri chuckled. "Yongah."

Jiyong shook his head. "Definitely not. That's what Bae calls me."

Bending his neck, Seungri pressed his lips to Jiyong's ear and whispered. "Jagi…"  
A thrill ran through him and he closed his eyes. "Yes. That's it. Say it again."

"Jagi," Seungri said softly as he tightened his arms around Jiyong. He yawned and fitted his head in the space between Jiyong's head and neck. Jiyong grinned broadly, not able to contain the emotions being stirred up inside him. 

They lay holding each other in a way that was both familiar yet different. When they had lived in the dorms, Jiyong had always shared a bed with Seungri, mainly because the maknae was the one who complained the least about Jiyong's habit of holding tightly to any available body when he slept, but now it was Seungri who held him tightly, covering him with his warmth and enveloping him in a sense of safety. Seungri could always keep his nightmares at bay, but now, he might just bring him the sweetest of dreams. 

 

Jiyong didn't realise he'd slept soundly without waking once throughout the night until the jarring sound of his ringtone pierced the vale of sleep. He groaned and tried to roll over, to find he was trapped by a heavy arm slung across his stomach. The arm tightened against him, and he turned to find Seungri staring at him with sleepy eyes. 

"Your phone's been going off for the last thirty minutes."

Jiyong rubbed his eyes. "Why didn't you wake me?" 

Seungri smirked. "Because I like watching you sleep."

"Since when?" 

"Since forever. You look so peaceful, like nothing can bother you. I don't want to disturb that."

Frowning, Jiyong said, "Then why didn't you silence my phone?" 

"I didn't want to let you go." Seungri shifted closer. "You also look pretty when you're sleeping."

"You're not supposed to call a man pretty," JIyong said, but couldn't help smiling a little. 

"Mmm, but you are. To me you are more beautiful than any woman." Jiyong couldn't help notice Seungri's tongue dart out to wet his lips. "I don't understand it either, but I've always thought so. And you smell good, too." Seungri pressed his nose against JIyong's neck and breathed him in, sending a shiver through him. 

"Are you trying to seduce me?" 

"Is it working?" Seungri asked. He began to trace circles on Jiyong's stomach, making gentle warmth spread out from inside him. Then Jiyong felt the cool press of Seungri's lips against his neck, just below his ear, and the warmth flared up. 

"Yes," he said with a hiss. 

Seungri nibbled at his earlobe while the circles he drew wandered closer to the waistband of Jiyong's sweatpants. "Good," he said. "Because you look good enough to eat."

Jiyong chuckled. "Would you even know what to do?"

The kisses and nibbles continued against his neck, punctuating Seungri's speech. "I'm sure I understand the mechanics of it. How hard can it be?"

"Getting harder by the second," Jiyong said with a grin.

Seungri chuckled against his neck, then suddenly palmed Jiyong's cock over his sweatpants, making him suck in a breath. "This what you mean?"

"Damn. You should warn me before you do that!" 

"It's more fun this way." Seungri turned and captured Jiyong's lips in a fierce kiss while he squeezed his cock. "You feel good, Jagi," he said when broke the kiss.

All blood was flooding rapidly to his groin. Whatever Seungri was doing was making him burn. He began to squirm, thrusting lightly into Seungri's hand. "You sure you haven't done this before?"

 

"I know what I like," Seungri said with a grin. "I'm pretty sure you'll like it too." He bent again to latch his mouth onto the corner of his collarbone where he sucked hard, then he ran a delicate tongue down his sternum before turning to tease one of his nipples with his teeth and lips. 

The different sensations were rolling across his skin and driving his need into an ache that settled at the base of his cock. He was now hard and straining with anticipating, itching to be rid of his pants and feel the warmth of skin on skin. "Riyah... " he said with a whine. "You're killing me."

"Tell me what you want, Jagi." Seungri's lips brushed across his ribs and he dipped his tongue briefly in the indent of Jiyong's belly button. 

"Oh god… I want you to touch me. What you're doing is not enough." Jiyong thrust his hips up, trying to create more friction against his cock. 

"With pleasure…" Seungri grabbed hold of Jiyong's waistband and tugged his pants down to his knees. Then he wrapped his hand firmly around Jiyong's cock, making him groan loudly. He thumbed the tip, spreading the precum that had already gathered there to use as lubrication. "All this for me?" he asked, sounding breathless.

"You're pretty good at this, maknae," Jiyong managed to say while Seungri pumped him smoothly with his hand. He was finding it hard to think, everything was focused on the sweep of Seungri's hand and the pressure building at the base of his cock. 

"If you're still talking, then it's not good enough. How about this--" Seungri leaned over him, holding the base of his cock firmly, then delicately licked at the tip of his cock. Jiyong hummed with the wash of pleasure. He looked down to see his maknae take the head of his cock into his mouth. He barely held himself back from thrusting into Seungri's warm mouth. The view of his maknae going down on him and the feeling of wet heat surrounding him was almost too much. 

Jiyong's head flopped back onto the bed as he gave himself over to the sensations Seungri was pulling from him with just his mouth and hands. If his maknae's technique wasn't exactly smooth, and if his hands fumbled a bit, and if he gagged for a moment when he tried to take him all in, it didn't matter. Because it was Seungri, his maknae, who was making him feel this way, who made the experience a hundred times more intense than anything he'd ever felt before. 

Seungri lifted his head for a second to look up at Jiyong and said, "Seeing you like this… I've been thinking about it all morning. I want to see you come undone, I want to see you let go just because of what I'm doing to you. I love that I can make you feel this way." 

As Seungri swallowed him into his mouth again , Jiyong bucked up, craving the heat and friction. He was close, pressure building up, making him shake with tension. He was losing his mind. Seungri sensed his need and increased his pace, bringing him right to the brink, fucking him with his mouth and his hands. It was too much. Jiyong whined as his stomach muscles contracted, and then just as Seungri took as much of him in as he was able, without being able to warn, the tension snapped and he came. 

Seungri sputtered as Jiyong filled his mouth with three quick spurts. He continued to jerk even when Seungri moved away and wiped his mouth, and when he finally stilled, he opened his eyes to see his maknae sitting on his knees with a very satisfied smirk on his face. 

"How did I do?" Seungri asked. 

Jiyong licked his lips, the high from his recent orgasm settling around him like a warm blanket. "I think met a good maknae." Seungri laughed, his eyes shining. Just the sight of his swollen lips and the streak of fluid on his chin that he'd not wiped away made Jiyong's heart feel full. He reached up with his arms and Seungri moved into his embrace. Jiyong pulled him close and basked in the feeling his band new lover settling into his embrace. "I would return the favor, but right now I don't think I can move."

"That was all for you, Jagi," Seungri said with a pleased hum. "Maybe later we can revisit this return of favors. Besides, your phone's ringing again."

Jiyong groaned. "Do me a favor and go and toss it out of the window." 

Seungri laughed, then moved out of Jiyong's arms despite his pout of protest. He crawled off the bed and padded across the room to grab Jiyong's phone, then looked at the called ID with frown. "Yang Sajangnim is calling you. You should probably answer it." 

Any feelings of bliss that remained dissolved into the air. He grabbed the phone when Seungri handed it over to him and answered the call. 

Yang Hyunsuk didn't even bother with a greeting before launching into a tirade. "Where the fuck have you been? I've been trying to call you for the last hour. What good is having a phone when you don't fucking answer it."

Jiyong winced. The usually soft spoken man was on the verge of yelling. "I'm sorry. I was… aslseep. I didn't wake up until just now."

Seungri raised an eyebrow at him and Jiyong shook his head. Hyunsuk-hyung continued, "Good for you. While you were sleeping, everything else has gone to hell. I don't think I can stop this. I don't know what happened, but it's not good. They're going to run a story. It's already gone to press. It's too late. Fuck! What I'm trying to tell you is--"

"The photos?" His heart began to pound. He looked across at Seungri who was only giving him a curious expression expression. Jiyong swung his legs over the side of the bed and tugged his pants up with one hand. As Hyunsuk-hyung talked, he left the room. 

"Yes. They were asking for a lot of money, but we'd reached a settlement, or so I thought, but sounds like some little bitch of a reporter at the newsagency she sold the photos to has it out for us. We found out he put together a story anyway. Our source said they toned it down, but whether we like it or not, they're going to make some news out of it. They have to get something out of it."

Jiyong's head started to ache. He gripped his phone tightly to keep himself from filing it across the room in frustration. "What's it going to be? What are they going to pull out of it?"

Hyunsuk was silent for a moment, then he let out a breath. "They cropped the photos so it's just Seungri. They're going to go with it being a one-night-stand and he mistreated her. It's… not as bad as it could be. At least they're not going for the whole homosexual aspect. If you're worried, don't be. Seungri will survive this. It'll be okay--"

"No," Jiyong said.

"I said it would be okay. Seungri is resilient. His reputation can handle it. People already think he's a womanizer. They'll just chalk it up to more of his antics. Really, this is the best we could have hoped for, Jiyongah."

"I said no. Did you not fucking hear me?"

Hyunsuk sucked in a breath. "You're not thinking clearly. I already said, there's nothing we can do. We have to cope with the hand we've been dealt. You're lucky it's not worse than this."

"I will not sacrifice Seungri. I refuse. If I have to call a press conference tonight and announce to the whole world that I like to fuck men, then I will do it."

"Jiyongah. Calm down. I understand you're angry, but you were careless, and this is the result. I'm doing the best that I can."

 

"You promised to protect us, then you'd better do that, or I swear to god I will start calling reporters before the sun sets."

"Okay. Okay. I get it. But if it's not Seungri, then it's going to be you. Do you really think you can handle it?"

"I don't care. Just don't let them touch him."

"I'll see what I can do. I'm not promising anything, just don't do anything rash that could destroy all of us, okay?"

Jiyong clenched his fist. "Just get Seungri out of this and I'll do whatever you want me to do."

"Is that a promise, Jiyongah?"

He bent his head and rubbed his eyes. "Yes. I'll do whatever it takes."

"Keep your phone close and answer the goddamn thing when I call, okay."

"Yes, hyung."

Hyunsuk-hyung ended the call, and Jiyong leaned against the wall, discovering that his knees all of a sudden were weak. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, wanting to scream. Just the thought of Seungri suffering because that woman had violated them and compromised their privacy made him shake. He sucked in a trembling breath and looked up, finding Seungri standing in the hallway, staring at him in shock. 

Jiyong's heart clenched in his chest. He couldn't let them drag his Seungri through the mud. Hyunsuk-hyung might think Seungri was strong, but beneath his bright nature was a delicate soul. Jiyong realised more each second that he was never going to let anyone harm that soul. And he was never going to let him go. Whatever he needed to do, he was going to make it work.


	10. The Perfect Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the bump up in rating.

Seungri watched as Jiyong's entire demeanor shifted with the call from their boss. It was uncanny how one minute his hyung was stretched out and relaxed like a cat basking in a patch of sunlight, and the next he was poised for fight or flight. When Jiyong stalked out of the bedroom without looking back at him, phone pressed to his ear with a white-knuckled grip, Seungri knew something was wrong. 

Panic began to pour into him and he quickly pulled on a pair of sweatpants, thankful that his boner was rapidly deflating. He felt a stab of guilt at the still salty taste of Jiyong in his mouth. What if it was something awful, like, god forbid, someone had been in an accident. He should have never let Jiyong ignore the call. 

He hesitated, sitting on the end of the bed. He could hear Jiyong's low voice, filled with tension, floating down the hall. His heart pounded as he debated following his hyung and finding out what was wrong. Usually, he'd wait and let Jiyong tell him what he needed to know, but… things were different now. Jiyong wasn't his leader now. Jiyong was… the man he was in love with. 

Seungri rubbed his face as the truth of his situation settled around him. His whole life had been building up to this moment. From when he discovered his love for dancing, which lead to his audition for Bigbang, to being accepted into the group after he'd already been rejected… all of it up to now had lead him here. The kiss yesterday felt as if everything had shifted and finally settled into the pattern it was meant to be. His actions this morning had been as natural as breathing. This was who he was, who he always had been. He was the man who loved Kwon Jiyong. 

He stood and made his way to where Jiyong was still talking rapidly on his phone. There was no way he was going to stand back and wait anymore. They were a team, now, and he deserved to be an active part as much as Jiyong deserved his full support. 

He rounded the corner to see Jiyong with a pale expression and clenched hands as spoke through gritted teeth into the phone. "Just get Seungri out of this and I'll do whatever you want me to do."

Seungri paused. He'd clearly heard his name and Jiyong was making promises to Yang Sajangnim.

"Yes. I'll do whatever it takes," Jiyong said, looking suddenly like all the life had been bled from him. "Yes, hyung."

Jiyong looked up at him and stared. The look on his face made Seungri's chest ache. The air in his apartment turned icy. "Hyung--"

"How much did you hear?" Jiyong's voice was a rasp.

Seungri took a deep breath to try and settle himself. He told himself to be strong. "I heard enough to know it involves me. Tell me what it is. Please."

Jiyong looked away from him and rubbed his hand through his hair several times. "Can't you just trust me? I'll make sure it's taken care of."

"No." Seungri took a step forward. He felt a stab when Jiyong flinched. "You need to tell me. Whatever it is, we have to face it together."

"Riyah…" Jiyong let out a soft sigh. He blinked and Seungri could see the moisture that stained his lashes. Within half a second he reached him and was wrapping his arms around him. Jiyong stiffed at first, but on the second tug, he moved into Seungri's arms and wrapped his around Seungri's waist, burying his face on his shoulder. "I wish you would just let me do this alone."

"Not anymore," Seungri whispered into his hair. "Remember what you said? All or nothing. You have me, now, whether you want me or not. You're not alone."

"I don't want you to get hurt." Jiyong's voice was muffled by his shoulder.

"I'm not little Seunghyun anymore. If this is about either of us, then you need to tell me. We'll make any decisions about what is to be done together."

"Is that how it is is now?" Jiyong said with a little snort that went a long way to warming the ice in his bones. 

Seungri moved his hands up to Jiyong's shoulders and gently moved him back so he could look him in the eyes. "Yes," he said firmly. "Yesterday, when I kissed you, and this morning… I wasn't messing around. I would never have done that if I didn't think that's how it is now."

Jiyong's eyes were soft. His bottom lip was caught between his teeth as he looked up at Seungri. "Riyah… You really mean that?"

"I want to be there for you. I'll do anything for you." He touched Jiyong's jaw, feeling the softest hint of stubble as he let the tips of his fingers trace a line along the curve. "Except I won't let you push me away and I won't let you sacrifice yourself for me."

Jjiyong trembled under his fingers. "But it's not your fault."

"Tell me what happened, Jagi."

He could tell the exact moment Jiyong relented. He leaned into Seungri's palm and squeezed his eyes shut, then all the tension he'd been holding unravelled and he slumped forward. Seungri caught him and hugged him tightly, wondering what it was that had tied his Jiyong up in knots. Hoping that it was something they could fight, dreading that it could potentially hurt them when they had only just begun. 

He pulled Jiyong and made him sit on the couch, then sat down next to him and pulled him close. 

"It's not your fault, Riyah." Jyong said after a moment. "I want you to know that I don't blame you. You have to promise me that you won't blame yourself. I know how hard you are on yourself."

Seungri felt the warmth of Jiyong's body pressed into his side. It was all that mattered. "I won't blame myself. If you say it's not my fault, then I believe you."

Jiyong nodded, satisfied with his response. "And I also want you to know that once this has been resolved, I'm going to find the person who did this and make them wish they were never born."

A shudder ran through him at Jiyong's cold words. He didn't doubt their truth. "We'll see," Seungri said softly.

Jiyong then went on to tell him about how they were drugged that night in Japan, the night that had shaken him, had made him wake up and see Jiyong as he'd alway been. The night that was a moment he wanted to treasure, but instead they had both been violated. All the disjointed pieces surrounding the that night and the morning after began to fall into place. His lack of memory, his extreme hangover, puking his guts out in that cold bathroom, the tile of the floor cutting into his bare knees, it all came back to him in a flash. Waking up with Jiyong's arms wrapped around him without a shred of clothing between them. It had all been a set up to make it look like they were fucking. 

Seungri felt his stomach turn. 

That woman had… done god only knew what to them. And he'd let her. He'd let her touch him. But worst of all, he'd let her touch Jiyong. 

He didn't realize that he had begun to tremble until he felt Jiyong's fingers steel under the thin cotton of his shirt to wrap around his waist. The touch was enough to bring him back to the present. 

"I know what you're thinking," JIyong said in a low voice, "and I can only say I've had the same thoughts. But we aren't to blame, Riyah. I think she started drugging us in small amounts back in the club. I don't think you would have been so open to her suggestion if that wasn't the case. The last dose was the drink she gave us at her apartment."

"There were photographs, weren't there?" Jiyong nodded and Seungri rubbed a hand over his face. "Of course there were. Why else would you do something like that? She must have needed the money. I wonder what her situation was? I'm sure she was desperate… You don't do things like that unless you've been put in an untenable situation."

"She doesn't deserve your consideration."

Seungri looked over at Jiyong and saw the hardness around his eyes. "You're right. I'm trying to rationalize it. But I can't."

"I'm sorry, Riyah." Jiyong's grip around him tightened, and Seungri sighed into his arms. 

"So Yang Sajangnim wasn't able to stop it from getting out? Is that it? Are we sitting here waiting for the bomb to drop?"

"Not yet. There's still a chance he'll be able to resolve it. He was at least able to get them to soften the blow."

"How?" 

"They… edited the photos to make it look like you were in bed with a woman."

Seungri nodded. "Makes sense."

Jiyong moved back and stared at him. "What do you mean by that?"

He tried to ignore the pressure on his chest as he looked Jiyong in the eye. "You know what I mean. It wouldn't be the first time. Besides, I'm expendable, you're not."

Jiiyong jumped up and glared at him. "Now what the fuck do you mean by that?"

Seungri reached for his hand. "It's true. My reputation doesn't matter, but you… you're far too important."

Jiyong batted his hand away. "No. Don't you dare fucking say that. Don't you dare!"

"Hyung, it's okay. Calm down. Please."

"Don't tell me to calm down. This is your problem Riyah, you don't think you're worth anything. But you… you don't even realise how much you're worth. You're so much better than I am. Without you… without you... " Jiyong's hand was shaking as he brought it up to cover his eyes. When he pulled it away, Seungri could see they were wet. "Damn it, you don't get it. Without you there wouldn't even be me."

The pressure on his chest had turned into a sharp ache. Seungri shook his head. "You're just saying that--"

"No. Fuck." Jiyong stepped into his space and dropped to his knees in front of him. He reached up and touched his cheek so softly that Seungri could barely sense the pressure on his skin. "Seungriah. I never lied when I said that all I need to do is look at you for inspiration. Before you, everything I wrote was crap. I wrote a song a day for years, and they were all crap, until you came along. You're my muse, my inspiration. Without you, all that music was just words and notes. You breathed life into them, you breathed life into me. Don't you get it? Without you you, there would be no G-Dragon or Bigbang."

Seungri couldn't take the way Jiyong was looking at him. He'd never felt the full force of this much devotion. He turned his head and looked to the side. "You're right. I don't get it. I don't understand how I can be that person. All I am is average. Average looks. Average voice. Average dance moves. Just the idiot who talks too much. You and the others have always been so much better than me. Everyone tolerates me because someone had to the the maknae."

"We all just tolerate you?" Jiyong shook his head. "Is that what you really think about us? About me? Were we laughing about pointing at you when you weren't looking? Did we let you tag along out of pity? I put my whole fucking career on the line just to kiss you because… what? Because you're a charity case? Is that how you see me?"

"No. Of course not. I know that's not true. It's just…"

"It's just what, Riyah?"

"I know I'm not even a tenth as good as you. How can you like me this much?"

Jiyong put both hands on Seungri's cheeks and turned his head so that he couldn't avoid looking at him. "Do I need to prove it to you?"

"Hyung--"

"That's not what you called me earlier. Say it, Riyah, what do you call me now?" Jiyong's eyes were dark and full. Seungri suddenly felt consumed. "Say it."

The word came out on a sigh. "Jagi."

"That's right." Jiyong leaned up and pressed a kiss against his jaw that sent a shiver through him. "Don't forget that. All or nothing. I'm in this as much as you are." He shifted and pressed a kiss against the corner of Seungri's mouth. "You don't think I'd throw everything away if you asked me to? I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'll do it right now." He moved and grabbed his phone, tapping at the screen.

"What are you doing?" A tingle of panic stirred at the base of his spine forcing him to sit up straight.

"Fuck all of this bullshit, Riyah. I'm going to tell everyone, right now, what it is that you mean to me." 

Alarm bells went off in his head. "You don't need to do that. You don't need to do anything stupid."

"Maybe I do. Because you still don't get it." Jiyong flicked his screen, then smiled. He typed a few words and flipped his phone around to show Seungri.

Seungri's breath caught as he saw the photo. It was them, close up, locked in a kiss that looked every bit as intense as he remembered that night. It was such a private and world changing moment, that it was almost obscene seeing it there in high definition on the screen of a phone. Then he saw the caption Jiyong had given it.

_The man I love._

The breath he'd caught turned into a half gasp, half choke as his chest squeezed tight. For a moment, he couldn't breathe. He looked up at Jiyong to find the other man staring back with a such a naked expression of fear mixed with hope. 

"Me too, Jagi," he said, he choked out the words. "Me too." 

Jiyong's mouth curved into a lopsided smile and he ducked his head, letting his bangs fall down around his eyes. "I really will post it if you want me to."

Seungri felt flush with warmth. He cocked his head to consider, at least for a moment, the rush it would be to have 15 million people see that post, then read the words, just like he had, and know, without any doubt, who it was that held that place in Jiyong's heart. It was him. Little Lee Seunghyun. 

His lips spread into a wide grin. He couldn't contain it. "Maybe one day. Can you save it for then?"

Jiyong's answering smile matched his own. "Okay Riyah, we'll save it for later." He took his phone and shut it off, then leaned up to wrap his arms around Seungri. "That's how I feel. Don't forget it."  
He squeezed his eyes against the burning and held Jiyong tightly to him. "I won't forget. I won't ever forget."

He felt Jiyong's fingers thread through his hair as he clung to him. "Good. Because we're gonna be tested. We need to know we can count on each other. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was wrong."

"You were, but it's okay. We'll face this together. I'll be fine, Jagi. It's gonna be okay."

Jiyong pulled away and reached out to hold his hand. He bit his lip for a second, then said, "I sorta threatened Hyunsuk-hyung that if he didn't get them to pull the story about you I was going to hold a press conference and tell everyone I'm gay."

Shaking his head, Seungri said, "Only you can pull crap like that. What did he say? He didn't believe you, did he?"

"Of course not, but it got the point across. He… um… said that if it wasn't you it would be me."

"Unacceptable."

"Riyah…" Jiyong squeezed his hand. "Think about it logically… You think you'll survive another scandal but you won't. You've only now started to rebuild your reputation. You have businesses that rely on your good name. A lot of people depend on you."

"And a lot of people depend on you too, Jagi. You think something like this wouldn't affect you?" He wrapped his other hand around Jiyong's. "It's not good for either of us. However it comes out, someone will get hurt."

Jiyong nodded and let out a sigh. "I don't know what else to do. If money can't fix this, then what can we do?"

Seungri looked down at their joined hands, and the warmth the connection generated filled him. He was so full now when he'd never even realised that he'd been starving. "What if--" He stopped. The thoughts churning in his head couldn't be the only other option, could they? He was scared to say it, in case it sounded ridiculous. "What if we take away the thing they're after?"

He glanced up at Jiyong, not knowing what to expect, but he only looked thoughtful. "Are you saying… we should steal their thunder?" Jiyong asked.

"I'm not sure what I'm saying." 

Jiyong glanced at his phone that was laying on the edge of the couch. "We tell the truth? We say it first, before they can?"

"If we're gonna get hurt either way, why not put it out there how we want it to be?"

"We control the message?" Jiyong cocked his head. Seungri could see his brain processing things at light-speed. "We control the message. Riyah, do you think they are ready to hear it?"

"I don't think they will ever be ready." He wrapped his hand around Jiyong's neck and pulled him forward. Then he kissed him softly. It was time to let all his fears go. "But I think if it comes from you, they might just listen."

Jiyong wound his arms around him and kissed him hard enough to steal his breath. "Okay. We'll have to speak to the rest of the members first. This is not a decision we can make on our own."

Seungri nodded. He could hear the tinge of sadness in Jiyong's tone and feel it in the way his arms wrapped so tightly around him. "I know this is not what you wanted. I know that you want to stay hidden and just be us... I want that too, but we are being forced to do otherwise. For that, I'm sorry."

"We've barely even begun, Riyah. What if they destroy us?"

"Jagi, we began on the day I first walked into the YG studios and became a trainee alongside you. What we've started now is only an extension of what we've had all along. Don't for one second thing anything could make me let you go."

Jiyong ducked his head, and Seungri just caught a glimpse of his smile before he was being kissed again. He let his mouth part to allow Jiyong to deepen the kiss and felt the slide of his tongue along his own. Everything that Jiyong wanted to say was distilled into that kiss. Seungri replied with his own wordless emotions, clinging to him and falling into the kiss without fear or regret. There was nowhere else he wanted to be, nobody else he wanted to be with, and kissing Jiyong felt like something he'd done every day since they'd met and something he'd continue to do every day for the rest of his life. 

They parted, breathless, smiling, and if Seungri had to admit it, a little overwhelmed. He blinked away the wetness in his eyes. 

"Let's clean up and then we can call a meeting with the hyungs, okay?" Seungri said, feeling himself flush under Jiyong's particularly wolfish stare. 

"Only if we can clean up together," Jiyong said. His smirk spoke volumes. 

Seungri's stomach did a little flip. He grinned, but his voice shook as he stood and held out his hand and said, "I'm not going to say no, Jagi, but I won't be held responsible for my actions."

Grabbing his hand and tugging him back down the hall towards the bathroom, Jiyong said, "Is that you trying to flirt with me?"

"Is it working?" Seungri laughed.

Suddenly Jiyong stopped and and leaned close to his ear. "You don't need to flirt with me. Just tell me you want me."

Seungri felt a shiver run the course of his spine at the puff of breath against his neck before Jiyong stepped back with a raised eyebrow. He swallowed. He'd been half hard since he'd had the chance to bring Jiyong off earlier that morning. Now he was rigid and aching again. The memory of Jiyong's cock in his mouth, the way he'd whined and pleaded with him, the way he'd fallen completely apart with just his lips wrapped around him, it had felt so fucking good. 

He didn't think he'd ever wanted somebody as desperately as this. 

"I want you," he said. Jiyong's lips curved into a sultry smile that had his heart pounding. "Are you sure you don't want to wait? Last night you said--"

"Last night was a lifetime ago. I've never been more sure. I want this. I need this, now, when it's still just us."

"Have you ever… with another man?"

Jiyong shook his head. "I've never let anyone fuck me like that, if that's what you're asking. I've done other things… But with you..." He bit his lip, then dragged a finger down Seungri's chest. "Tell me what you want to do to me, Riyah."

His entire body began to vibrate. "Keep touching me and you'll find out."

Seungri reached out for Jiyong, but the other man turned to the side with a laugh and disappeared into the bathroom. "Clean up first, remember," he called out. 

Shaking his head, Seungri had no choice but to follow. Jiyong already had the shower going and was stripping out of his clothes. Seungri allowed himself a moment to stare. He was no longer bound by taboo, but could freely take in Jiyong's lithe body, the toned, sleek muscles, and the various tattoos that only accentuated his attractiveness. Jiyong wasn't a big man. His features were elfin, almost too pretty for a man, but there was a strength and a sensuality to him that made Seungri weak. 

Jiyong slipped into the steam of the shower then threw a glance at Seungri. "Aren't you going to help me?"

In a flash, he was pulling off his clothes. He jumped into the shower behind Jiyong and wrapped his arms around his waist before latching his lips to the back of his neck. The warm water heightened his flush, and when Jiyong sighed and pressed his ass back into his groin, he felt like he was going to explode. 

"Do you really want me to fuck you against the shower wall?" Seungri asked.

"Maybe if you're extra good, I'll let you do that later," Jiyong said, making Seungri groan as he ground his ass on his cock. "But this time just clean me up. I want you to take me in your bed."

"Oh…. god… Jagi…" Seungri couldn't think. His whole body was on fire. Just the thought of sliding himself into Jiyong's small hole… shit. He was gonna embarrass himself and come before he even got there.

Jiyong turned around and pressed his body against Seungri's, then reached between them and grabbed Seungri's cock. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're too jacked up, just let go." He pumped up and down a few times and Seungri felt his legs grow weak. "See, this is how I know you have feelings for me, Riyah. No other man could do this to you, could they?"

Seungri whimpered. Jiyong's closeness, his whispered words, his hand smoothly tugging at this cock, the water pouring down around them… Next thing he knew, he was coming hard, shooting white ribbons across his stomach and Jiyong's. 

He fell back against the wall, drained, and looked up to see Jiyong reach out his hand to smooth Seungri's wet hair out of his eyes while he smirked at him. "Looks like I'll have to clean the both of us up," Jiyong said. 

What followed was pure bliss as Jiyong took a soapy sponge and bathed Seungri from head to toe. When he was done, Seungri took the sponge from him and returned the favor. He turned him around to massage his back and shoulders, letting the soap from the sponge spread down his back and into the crack of his ass. He was careful with this touch, smoothing gentle lines down Jiyong's arms, tracing his tattoos, and then crouching down to run the sponge up and down each leg. Then slowly, softly, he reached between Jiyong's legs and washed his scrotum and cleft between his ass cheeks. 

Above him, he heard Jiyong let out a small moan. Seungri smiled and tentatively replaced the sponge with his finger. He ran his finger up until he found the puckered hole and pressed gently against it. 

This time, Jiyong gasped. 

"Do you like that, Jagi?"

"Fuck, yes. Put your finger inside, Riyah."

Seungri hesitated, but Jiyong was pushing his ass back against his hand, so he pressed forward, past the puckered ring and up to his first knuckle. "How does that feel?"

"Good. Weird." Jiyong laughed. "Good. I've dreamed of this, you know. I've dreamed about you fucking me. You don't even know how many times I've jerked it to the thought of you doing that."

Reaching around, Seungri brushed his fingers against Jiyong's cock. The other was full hard and the tip was already wet. With Jiyong's gasp, he slid his finger up to the next knuckle. "I'll go easy on you this time, Jagi."

"Shit. That feels good."

"It's supposed to feel better for men than it does for women." His finger pushed all the way as Jiyong relaxed under the slow tease of his cock. Then he began to move his finger in a tapping motion, hoping to--

"Holy fuck! What was that?" Jiyong jerked forward and Seungri's finger slid out of his ass. 

"Your prostate I'm guessing."

"I know, but damn. That felt amazing." Jiyong's whole body was flushed pink. "Do it again."

Seungri stood and wrapped his arms around Jiyong, pressing a kiss into his neck. "Let's get out of the shower first. I'm going to need some lube if we're going to do this properly."

Jiyong reached around and felt for Seungri's already stiffening cock. "Oh god. You're going to fuck me aren't you?" 

"That's the plan."

"Then let's get out of here already." 

It took them no time to clamber out of the shower and make a rudimentary attempt at drying eachother off before they were tripping naked back to Seungri's bedroom. 

Jiyong fell backwards onto Seungri's bed, grinning and giggling, while Seungri riffled through one of his drawers to find some lubricant. When he found it, he brandished the tube with a laugh. 

He watched as Jiyong bit his lip, blatantly looking him up and down as he reached down to lazily stroke his own cock. 

"Come here and kiss me," Jiyong said, his voice low and husky.

Seungri felt a bubble of joy rise up inside him. He crawled up the bed and hovered over Jiyong, not bothering to hide all the love and affection he felt as he looked at him. Jiyong's expression softened under his stare, and that's when Seungri bent down to kiss him. 

He was amazed that he could feel so satisfied yet so needy at the same time. His heart was full, but he was aching for release. His quick orgasm in the shower had only banked the embers for a moment, but now the warmth was flaring up again. 

Seungri left Jiyong's mouth with a gasp. The other was wriggling and thrusting beneath him, all whiny and needy. He needed to do this soon, he needed to bury himself deep inside the man he loved and feel that deeper connection. 

His hands shook as he sat up on his haunches and fumbled with the lube. Spreading a good amount on his fingers, he once more slid them along the cleft of Jiyong's ass and pressed inside the tight hole. Jiyong bucked his hips to force him to penetrate more deeply, and let out a long groan. 

"Easy, Jagi, I don't want to hurt you."

"I know," Jiyong's eyes were shut tight against the feelings of pleasure and pain that Seungri was stirring with first one finger, and then another inside him. "But it feels so damn good. I want you, Riyah. I want this. Us. Please."

The whine of Jiyong's plea sent a jolt of electricity straight to his balls. "I don't think I can wait anymore either," he said, his voice coming out raw and husky. "Tell me if it doesn't feel good, okay?"

Jiyong opened his eyes, they were bright and black. "You'll be perfect."

Seungri was struggling to breathe properly as he spread the lubricant onto his cock. When he was ready, he moved up between Jiyong's legs, lifting his ass to the right angle and pressing his legs back. He fumbled a bit as he found the right spot, then pushed.

Jiyong hissed and Seungri froze. "Fuck, don't stop," Jiyong said. "I just need to get used to it."

Nodding, Seungri pressed further, pushing the tip of his cock into the right ring until he was sliding past it and inside Jiyong's body. His eyes began to water with how tight the passage felt wrapped around his cock. 

"That's it, Riyah, that's it, you're doing so well." Jiyong said before he caught his breath sharply. "Oh god. Oh fuck. Oh… that feels, ohhhhh…"

Seungri had pushed himself to the hilt, until he couldn't give anymore. His whole spine tingled with an electric current that ran down to the base of his cock and back up. He felt an incredible tightness and warmth and the urge to thrust overwhelmed him. He tried to hold himself back and started with a few slow, shallow thrusts, but it wasn't enough. Soon his was thrusting more deeply, his pace quickening, and Jiyong took him in each time. 

"Don't stop. God. Riyah." Jiyong continued to cry out with each jerk, spurring Seungri to move faster, to press deeper. He anchored his hands on Jiyong's hips, pulling their bodies flush together and grunting with each push and pull, until he started to sweat with the pressure that was building inside him. 

He knew this wasn't the slow and intense lovemaking he might have been hoping for, but they were both so new at this, and it was difficult for him to control his actions at all. He felt like a damn virgin all over again, out of control and rushing towards climax. 

Jiyong didn't seem to be faring much better. He met Seungri thrust for thrust, and cried out each time Seungri managed to hit his prostate. His endless litany of words grew incoherent as his skin deepened do a dusky red. He was close, Seungri could tell. The way his fists clenched, the way his cock jumped, leaking fluid, the way his forehead beaded with sweat. Seungri was holding back his own climax as he pushed Jiyong forward. He reached over to wrap his hand around Jiyong's cock and spread his thumb over the tip. 

Jiyong let out a loud wail and then his come shot through Seungri's fingers as his cock pulsed.

He let jiyong thrust aimlessly into his hand as he matched him with his own pace while Jiyong's orgasm played out. His mouth was parted in ecstasy while he'd run out of words. When Jiyong went slack, Seungri pushed once more into his tight body and finally let himself go. Everything inside him pulled tight and then released into Jiyong. His whole body shook with the intensity until he, too, gave out and collapsed on top of his lover.


	11. Stand by Me

Youngbae owned a house that was an hour from the city. It was in a fairly secluded location, with a large fenced in garden, and couple of acres of land attached. Seungri had insisted on driving them in Jiyong's car, and Jiyong hadn't complained about it. He knew it was Ri's way of feeling a little bit in control, and his way of taking care of him. 

They'd both been silent on the drive up, each wrapped up in their own thoughts, although Jiyong had snuck his hand between Ri's thigh and the car seat. He'd enjoyed the warmth and the intimacy all the while his stomach had been twisted into knots about the upcoming meeting. 

They pulled into the driveway of Youngbae's house as the sun kissed the horizon. Gravel crunched under the car's tires while Jiyong shifted in his seat. He still felt a little sore. His muscles ached, but in a good way. He looked across at the man who steered the car effortlessly into a parking spot near the front door. He looked fresh and relaxed, wearing a simple t-shirt, his signature backwards cap and a pair of aviator sunglasses. He was the picture of a powerful and handsome man, and Jiyong smiled at the memory of the boy he'd met and fell in love with. Seungri had grown up. He was full of confidence, secure in himself, and very much a success outside of the group and apart from Jiyong. It was highly attractive, and Jiyong felt like he was falling in love all over again. 

Jiyong smiled, his heart full. He knew there were so many obstacles before them, and they'd barely even begun to discuss the parameters of this new type of relationship, but it didn't matter. Yesterday they'd taken a step forward, and today, they'd so easily tumbled past the point of no return. They'd broken down the remaining barriers between them, and as Jiyong had lain in Seungri's bed with Seungri's arms wrapped tightly around him, the euphoria of his orgasm still permeating the air, the smell of their joining blanketing them, he knew that this was the end of Kwon Jiyong. Whatever happened next, it was no longer Jiyong, but Jiyong and Seungri. 

Seungri turned the car engine off and turned to look at him. 

"What are you smiling about, Jagi?" he said, his hand finding Jiyong's and squeezing it.

"You," Jiyong said without hesitating. "You make me happy."

Seungri's cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink that only made Jiyong's smile grow wider. "Even though we can't keep this to ourselves anymore?"

He knew what Ri was saying. They'd spent the remainder of the morning and most of the afternoon in bed together, taking the time to explore each other and love each other. It would have been so much less complicated if they could have stayed there, if they could have continued to let the love between them mature in private. But the world wasn't going to let that happen. "Even so, this is the right way. Whatever else we do, we need to tell them at least. They are part of us, Riyah."

"I know." Seungri's fingers laced through his as he took a deep breath. "I don't want to hide this, either. It might have been easier, but… I want everyone to know how I feel about you. I want you to know… this is not just some phase, or…. Or me giving in--"

Jiyong touched his cheek. "I don't think that. Not anymore. I know your heart. Better than anyone, I know you. You've already shown me."

Seungri smiled and nodded. He leaned into Jiyong's hand for a moment, his expression betraying that he was struggling with an internal conflict, probably one that mirrored his own. After a moment he said, "The hyungs won't hate us, will they?"

"Never," Jiyong said fiercely, although the twisting in his stomach told him that he wasn't as convinced as he sounded. "Bae kind of knows…"

"You spoke with him already?"

Jiyong shook his head. "He only knows that I was in love with you for a long time. That I didn't think you would ever feel the same way." He brushed his fingers along the edges of Ri's hair. "I never told him, but he guessed. He knew how I really felt even when I wanted to deny it."

"Is he okay with us being together now?"

"He doesn't know that part yet, but if nobody else is with us, Bae will support us, I'm sure of it. He loves both of us."

Chuckling, Seungri said, "More like he loves you, and would never want to lose you as a friend. Me he just tolerates."

"What did I tell you this morning, Riyah? Don't start with that foolishness again. Bae loves you as he would his own brother. They all do. Let's not doubt them, okay?"

"You too, Jagi."

Jiyong nodded. He needed to believe his own words as much as Ri did. This was where it started. He'd been with the four of them for so long now that they were closer than family. If they couldn't accept him for who he was and who he loved… he didn't want to think of that possibility. "Are you ready?" he said.

Seungri nodded, then leaned forward and kissed him softly, briefly, on the lips. He got out of the car and before Jiyong could even get his seatbelt unclipped, Ri was standing on the other side holding his door open for him. 

Jiyong laughed. "What's this?"

Blushing, Seungri said, "I'm still not sure how this is supposed to work, but I should at least be a gentleman."

Jiyong rolled his eyes, but accepted the hand Ri held out for him. They walked to the front door, and just as Jiyong was about to hit the buzzer, the door flew open and a shirtless Youngbae was standing there with a dark look on his face. 

"It's about time you two showed up," he said. "Everyone else got here over an hour ago."

Jiyong felt his skin grow warm remembering what it was that had delayed them. He glanced at Ri, but the other maintained a strict poker face. He was always good at that. He did, however, feel Ri's hand start to slip out of his hold, so he grasped it more tightly to make sure he didn't let go. Ri flashed him a quick glance and his mask slipped for a split second. He was nervous. 

Flashing Ri and then Youngbae a grin, Jiyong said, "I'm always late, Bae-yah. You should know that it takes time to look this good." 

Ri snorted behind him. Probably because Jiyong had taken five minutes to throw on a pair of Ri's jeans and one of his t-shirts, and had done nothing more than comb his fingers through his hair. Whatever--he could still walk a runway like this if he wanted. 

Youngbae only rolled his eyes. "Urgent group meeting, you said. Everybody must be here, you said. I had to cancel a date with my fiance." 

"She's still here, though, right?"

"You said she was part of this, too, so yeah, I asked her to stay."

Jiyong nodded. "Thank you. And also for calling the others. This is important." He squeezed Ri's hand and Youngbae caught the gesture. He raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. It's not like he'd never held Seungri's hand before, but considering he'd stalked out of the the photoshoot in a huff after Ri had left yesterday, and Bae had been the one to witness his pissy mood, well, he was probably surprised at the turn of events. 

Youngbae waved them inside, and a couple of little sniffing dogs with wagging tails greeted them. Jiyong grinned and crouched down to pet the puppies while Ri held back. He kept the dogs occupied for a bit so they wouldn't jump up on Ri, knowing he'd had a bad experience as a child and was wary of dogs. Ri was fine with cats though. That was good since Jiyong would want this cat to live with them. 

He shook his head. He was already thinking they'd be moving in together and it'd only been a day. It didn't feel like that, though. He'd known Ri half his life, practically, and they'd always been close friends. They'd also lived together very comfortably under other arrangements before. It was only natural to feel like their new relationship extended back months and years rather than hours. 

Youngbae called his dogs off and Jiyong looked up to see that Ri had already toed off his shoes and disappeared into the house. Jiyong slipped his own shoes off and put on some guest slippers and moved to follow Seungri, but Bae stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. 

"Yongah, is this about what I think it is?" Bae said.

Jiyong chewed his lip. "If you're thinking it's about Seungri and me, then, yes, that's part of it."

Youngbae looked down and scuffed at the floor with his bare feet. "Is this something you need to tell everyone about right now? For the longest time you were the only one who knew about Hyorin and me."

Leave it to Bae to be quick on the uptake. And leave it to Bae to be concerned about what this would mean beyond them. "At first, I didn't think so… but now… yes."

"What if it doesn't work out? Only when I knew she was the one, when we were sure this was the real thing, did we start to tell people. And for you, there are so many more complications."

Jiyong squeezed Bae's shoulder in return. "You just said it. When you knew she was the one. For me, it's always been Ri."

Youngbae smiled, and Jiyong was touched at how genuine it was. "Then I'm glad you figured it out, Yongah. But what about Seungri? Does he feel that way, too?"

"I hope so." Jiyong felt a small ache under his breastbone. "We don't have time for him to be sure. There's more to this that you're not gonna like, and I'm sorry." He sighed as he looked back at Youngbae's raised eyebrow. "Come on, I don't want to explain this more than once, so let's get this meeting started."

They walked into the family room, a spacious area that oozed home and comfort. A big leather sectional with fluffy accent pillows took up most of the room, and the large flat screen TV took up the rest. In the decor, however, there were hints of Hyorin's feminine touch. They might not be living together yet, but it was obvious they were spending a lot of time together. Jiyong smiled when he spotted Bae's fiance leaning over the coffee table and setting out cups for tea. 

"Hyorin-shi," he said with a deep bow. "Good evening. "

She looked up from her task and gave him a sweet smile. "Jiyong-oppa, so good to see you. Please don't be so formal."

Daesung was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of Seunghyun. They were both involved in a back and forth conversation that only they probably had any idea what it was about. Jiyong felt a wash of sadness at what they would soon be facing because of him. "I'm sorry we were late, it's all my fault," he said to everyone, his tone implying it was not his fault at all. It really wasn't though. He had to blame Ri for looking so delicious after their second shower…

"It's okay, we've already kicked Seungri's ass for being the culprit," Seunghyun said in his deadpan tone. 

Jiyong spluttered for a second and shot Ri a glance but his boyfriend only laughed along with the others. Ri's poker-face game was strong, unlike his own expression which Jiyong knew was probably highly suspect at this moment. Ri patted the cushion next to him and said, "Sit here by me, hyung." Then he had the audacity to throw a not so subtle wink at him.

His cheeks must have been bright red with how hot they felt. Jiyong fanned himself with his hand, but he still took up Ri's invitation and squeezed himself between the arm of the sectional and Ri. He was shocked again when Ri covered his hand with his own where it rested on his knee.

He saw Seunghyun lean forward and pretend whisper into Daesung's ear. "Aw, look, they're being all cute. I'm not sure I can handle it." 

Daesung giggled. "You love it, hyung."

"Not as much as I love you, Daesungie." Seunghyun licked his lips, and Jiyong was never sure if he was being serious or funny when he was like this, but Daesung only laughed louder. 

"So why are we here, hyung?" Daesung said to Jiyong. "We just saw you yesterday. Is everything okay?"

Jiyong looked down at where Ri was holding his hand. It's not like it was the first time they'd held hands in front of the others. For him, it had been a way to feel connected to Ri, and he was starting to think that Ri had felt the same way. Since the very first time Ji had casually slipped his palm into Ri's and laced their fingers while watching Goong, and Ri hadn't even flinched, but just let him… it had been normal. At least that's how he'd tried to look at it. It was normal for him to hold another boy's hand and for that boy to hold his. And the others had never questioned it. But now… the skinship had so much more depth and meaning. How could he explain that to them? 

"Jiyong-oppa, here--" Hyorin pressed a cup of tea towards him. Jiyong bowed his head in thanks. He took a sip of the bitter fragrant tea then placed the cup on the table next to him. 

Hyorin gave each one of them a cup, and then moved to leave the room, but Jiyong said, "Please stay, hyung-su. You are part of our family now, so this is for you, too." 

He looked over at Bae who had a shining smile for his soon to be wife as she nodded and left the tea tray on the table to perch on the armrest next to her man. His arm slung around her waist spoke volumes about their closeness.

Jiyong turned his palm up to face Ri's and held his hand even more tightly. Everyone was settled and looking at him expectantly, and Ri was a solid warmth on this right side. With his family around him, he felt reassured. He could do this. He looked at Daesung when he said, "I love you all, so dearly, my friends, my brothers, you know that there is a bond between us that is like family."

Daesung nodded. "Of course, hyung. We all feel the same way." 

Everyone expressed agreement and Jiyong smiled. "I know. We've had our ups and downs, we've been through so much together, and it's only made us stronger, brought us closer together. The bonds that hold us are made of steel forged in fire." He glanced over at Bae and Hyorin. "Our family is growing and this makes me happy. I wish us all to find the one we love, whoever it may be…" He turned his gaze over to Ri who he noticed was breathing a little fast and looking steadfastly at his lap. He knew what was coming. 

Jiyong took a deep breath, and still watching Ri, said quietly. "I've known for a long time who that person is for me. And now he knows it, too."

Ri lifted his eyes to Jiyong's and nodded, acknowledging his words with that simple gesture. 

Silence floated down around them and the air grew thick. Too thick to breathe. So this was what it felt like to out himself and his lover? And this was in front of the people closest to him in the whole world. 

"Congratulations, man," Seunghyun said in his low baritone. "I'm happy for you. Both of you."

And like that, the blanket was lifted and Jiyong could breathe again. 

"Hyungie? Maknae? Is this true?" Daesung said, but his face was one big smile, his eyes swallowed up by half-moons. 

"Thank you for including me, Jiyong-oppa." Hyorin said, her pretty smile almost as wide as Daesung's. "You both deserve to love and be loved." 

Youngbae grinned. "What she said."

Seungri shifted and pressed the side of his face into Jiyong's shoulder. His eyes were screwed tightly shut, and Jiyong could see why, because Seungri was not able to hide the wetness that clung to his lashes. He squeezed his hand in understanding. His own emotions were catching in his throat. "Thank you, all," he said. "You don't know how much this means to us. Your care for us."

"Maknae, did you find the answer to your question yesterday? Is that what happened?" Seunghyun asked as he reached over to pat Seungri on the shoulder. 

Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, Seungri nodded. Jiyong raised his eyebrow. "What's this?" he said.

"Hyungie told Seungri-ah to decide what it was he really wanted," Daesung said with a grin. "I guess he did."

Jiyong touched the back of Seungri's neck and nudged him to look up at him. "Is that true, Riyah?" he said softly. 

Seungri nodded. His eyes were shining as he returned the gesture by touching Jiyong's cheek. "It's why I called you yesterday. I want you in my life in every way possible. The thought of you not being completely mine…" He shook his head. "I couldn't let that happen."

"I would have done anything for you, even give you up, if that's what you wanted."

"It's not. It never will be. Jagiyah, I…" Seungri let the rest of his words remain silent, but the way he looked at him, said everything. it was enough to make Jiyong feel warm and fluttery and like he was the only person in the world. 

Youngbae's laugh cut into their moment like a knife. "So basically, nothing's changed at all," he said. "You're both still looking at each other like nobody else exists."

Jiyong's cheeks flushed, and he held his hand up to hide behind, but Ri sat up straight and gave Bae a smirk. "Everything's changed. Now when he tries to kiss me, I'll let him."

Flopping back into the couch, Jiyong covered his face with both hands. All the times he'd tried to catch Ri in the name of fan service… Well, it had been a handy excuse. Just the thought of Ri giving in in front of thousands of fans made his blush spread from his head to his toes. 

Everyone else seemed to find it all very funny, including Ri. Then Bae said, still laughing, "Someone's going to have to tie you both up on stage. We don't want things to get out of control."

Seunghyun shrugged. "Let them have fun. So what if they accidently kiss. The fans will lap it up and just say it was fan service afterwards. It's the best smoke screen for them."

"Hiding in plain sight. That's brilliant, hyungie!" Daesang said, his grin wide. 

"Fans ship them already, it's not like it's a big deal. Nobody will care," Seunghyun added.

"On stage is one thing," Bae said, "but what about off?" He turned to look at Jiyong and Seungri. "We'll keep your secret, of course we will, but do you think you can both control your actions in public? Neither of you are any good at lying."

Ri gave Jiyong a questioning glance, and Jiyong nodded. Ri then cleared his throat and said, "Actually, hyung, that's the second reason why we called this meeting."

Jiyong shifted upright once more and wound his hand back through Ri's. The heat and the weight were a comfort, an anchor. "We don't want to hide it. Not from you, not from our families, not from our fans and…"

"...and not from the public," Ri completed for him. 

All heads turned in their direction but nobody so much as breathed. Silence covered them once more as each member processed the implications of what they had said. 

Jiyong waited, and when Ri opened his mouth to speak, he shook his head. He squeezed Ri's hand and tried to send him a reassuring glance. The others needed time to adjust. They needed time to think about their response. If even one of them was not in favor… Jiyong took in a deep breath. He couldn't drag them through the hell that was about to ensue if they weren't all fully on board. And he knew Seungri would agree.

Finally, Seunghyun leaned back in his chair and said, "Well, it's been a good run."

Daesung snorted, then burst out laughing. "I might have to move to Japan."

Only Youngbae frowned at the flippant remarks. He shifted in his chair and gave Jiyong that look that meant he was done playing games and it was time for them all to be serious. "Is this what you want, Yongah?"

Jiyong sighed. "Honestly, we would have preferred to take some time for just us. When we talked about this yesterday, we had decided to keep this as quiet as possible."

"What changed?" Youngbae asked.

The snake in pit of his stomach whenever he thought about the corner they'd been backed into began to twist and coil. This time Jiyong felt the gentle pressure of Ri's hand in his. His Riyah. They would face this together. He began the painful explanation of what had happened to them in Japan, how they'd been taken advantage of, and how the resulting photos were in danger of leaking out to the public. 

Seunghyun had a grim look on his face when he said in a quiet voice, "There's a special place in hell for them. I will make sure they find it." He reached down and grabbed the hand that Daesung was offering him. "We'll support whatever you want to do, my friend." 

 

Daesung nodded. Gone was his smile. 

Glancing over at his best friend, Jiyong saw that Youngbae had covered his eyes with his hand and Hyorin was rubbing gentle circles into his back. She looked over at Jiyong and her expression was full of sympathy.

When Youngbae finally looked up, there were tears in his eyes and a grim look on his face. Bae was genuinely upset. 

"I'm sorry, Baeyah. I'm sorry it's come to this. Believe me when I say we didn't want to drag all of you into this."

Seungri hung his head, his clasp on Jiyong's hand so tight almost to the point of pain. "Please forgive us, hyung."

Bae shook his head. "Don't say that, maknae. And don't apologize, Yongah. I can't even imagine how you both must feel. I'm so, so angry right now. I agree with Seunghyun-hyung. Those people will be judged for doing this to you. Manipulating you like that. Invading your privacy. Hyunsuk-hyung shouldn't be trying to pay them off. They should be in jail."

"They should be," Seunghyun said. 

"If you come forward, maybe you can press charges," Daesung added. 

"You really need to. This isn't just about you. This is about not letting them get away with a crime. And if that means you have to tell the world about who you are and who you love, then you have to." Youngbae's hands were clenched into fists and Hyorin nodded in agreement.

"If we are your family," she said, "then we will stand by you."

And that was all it took for Jiyong to finally let go and let his tears fall freely. All the pent up frustration, everything he'd been put through, the highs and the lows, since that night in Japan burst out of him and he cried.

Even more that that, he felt every emotion he'd blocked away since he'd started loving Seungri break free. It was years and years of hiding and failing to hide what was inside him. Now that he'd started, he couldn't stop. He didn't want to hide anymore. He wanted to be free.

It wasn't long before he felt Riyah's arms wrap around him. And then there were others there, too. He didn't know who, but he sensed his brothers and his new sister surrounding him, comforting him, sharing their genuine love for him. No matter what happened, he would never lose them. He could do anything, even jump off this terrifying cliff, if it meant they were there to catch him.


	12. Enter the Dragon

From the terrace of the coffee shop, Seungri watched as Yang Sajangnim climbed out of his Maybach 62 S, straightened his blazer, said something to his driver, then turned to climb the stairs to where they were seated. 

Seungri looked over at Jiyong, who was slouched in his chair and nursing a cup of straight black coffee. "Feeling okay, Jagi?" He said quietly. He resisted the urge to put his hand on Jiyong's knee, having already spotted paparazzi lurking across the quiet street. 

JIyong nodded, but Seungri knew that even behind his sunglasses he was squinting at the the bright morning light. They'd let the wine flow a little too freely the night before. Seungri had refrained from drinking as he'd had to drive them home and then wrestle a playful dragon into bed, not that he'd minded. He smiled thinking of how cute his boyfriend was when he was drunk, not to mention horny. Seungri licked his lips. Calling Jiyong his boyfriend, even in his thoughts, made his cheeks flush with warmth. 

They both stood and bowed formally when Yang Sajangnim reached their table. Then waited for their boss to be seated before they returned to their own. 

A waitress was there before they even had a thought to call, bearing a tray with coffee already prepared for the famous CEO of YGE. The staff here knew him well as he regularly conducted business meetings at this exact table, and they also knew not to seat anyone else on the terrace, leaving the trio in relative privacy. 

Yang Sajangnim gave the waitress a smile and a soft word of thanks as she set the coffee down in front of him. "Bring us something to eat, Misook-shi. Do you have any of those little pastries with the cream filling?" 

She nodded and scurried off to complete her task. Sajangnim took a brief sip of his coffee, then leaned back in his chair with his fingers steepled under his chin. He took a few minutes to contemplate the two in front of him. Seungri felt as if he was slowly melting in the sun. 

"Seungriah. It's good to see you," he finally said. His tone implying that Seungri's presence wasn't wholly expected or sought. 

Seungri bowed his head. "Thank you, Sajangnim. I'm happy to see you, too. You look very well."

"How are your businesses progressing?"

"We are expanding the restaurant franchise to other cities in Asia. And I've signed some very good young DJs to my label. If you like, I can send you a few of the tracks they are working on. You might be surprised." Seungri wiped the palms of his hands on the front of his jeans. The air had become muggy outside. 

"Yes, please do. I'm always interested in new sounds. If you do well, maybe we can collaborate. I'm always happy to see my artists be self-motivated. And it's good to diversify. You won't be young forever."

Again, Seungri bowed his head, careful to show his boss respect. If anyone could understand his desire to use his influence to support upcoming artists, it would be Yang Hyunsuk. But he also felt their methods couldn't be more different. 

"Our Seungri is very talented, hyung," Jiyong said. 

Sajangnim turned his gaze over to Jiyong, and Seungri felt like he could breathe a little better. "So you've always told me. And I'm learning to see that there's more to him than I originally thought. I'm pleased to be proven wrong."

Seungri glanced at Jiyong who visibly stiffened. He knew that was just his boss's blunt way of speaking, and he had long since learned not to let it affect him. Jiyong, however, always made it his personal crusade to defend him to Yang Sajangnim. Before Jiyong could open his mouth, Seungri rested his hand on Jiyong's thigh and shook his head a fraction. Now wasn't the time to argue about his merits with their boss.

And Jiyong actually relaxed under his touch, managing to remain silent for once. 

Seungri smiled at Jiyong, then realised his mistake when he turned back and saw his boss staring at him with a raised eyebrow. He quickly removed his hand from Jiyong's thigh, but the damage had already been done. Nothing slipped past the attention of their shrewd boss.

"Ah, so that's how it is," Sajangnim said. "And now I know why you have joined us for this little meeting, Seungriah." 

Seungri only bowed his head, but he felt Jiyong's warm hand cover his under the table, and Jiyong said, "Yes. Seungri should be here if we are to talk about our future."

"Well… I suppose I should congratulate you both. Or am I assuming too much?"

Seungri looked up in shock. Was his boss really congratulating them on their relationship? Jiyong was grinning at him. "See, I told you that hyung wouldn't be unhappy about us, Riyah."

Sajangnim chuckled. "I can't say I'm ecstatic. This is not necessarily ideal. You could have both found some nice young women to settle down with like Youngbae, but I'm not so callous that I would force you apart."

"Thank you, Sajangnim," Seungri bowed. "It means a lot to me."

"To both of us," Jiyong added.

"I appreciate you telling me. That way we can take the precautions we need. I take it you've told him about the photographs, Jiyongah?"

"I know about them," Seungri said. "And I know that there's still a chance some of it could leak."

"The lawyers and I are working hard to prevent that. And if not, Jiyong's agreed to let them run a story on him only. At the least, we can soften the blow."

Seungri immediately turned to Jiyong. "You agreed to what?"

A flash of guilt crossed Jiyong's face. "Before… everything. I told hyung to let them use me for the story instead of you. To say that I was with the woman."

"Why would you do that? Hyung. I told you before you're too important to--"

"And I told you before, that you're just as important," Jiyong said, cutting him off. He lifted his sunglasses, resting them on the top of his head, and gave him a soft smile. "Please don't call me hyung anymore."

Seungri couldn't help answering with a smile of his own. "I guess it's not going to matter anyway, Jagi."

"We're in this together. Both of us."

Seungri nodded in agreement and lifted his hand so he could touch his fingers to Jiyong's cheek. The noise of their boss clearing his throat loudly made him jump and he dropped his hand. 

"You're going to have to learn to be a little more discreet," Sajangnim said. "Fanservice will only get you so far before people suspect."

Jiyong hummed for a second while Seungri felt his throat clam up. It was one thing to tell their boss about their relationship, but the whole wanting to go public thing was something else. He knew he had been the one to suggest it first, and asking it of his hyungs had been hard enough, but now with sweat on his palms he didn't think he could actually take that step. Yang Sajangnim would do whatever he could to protect them. He was confident of that now. If he could convince Jiyong to let him take the fall… 

He felt Jiyong's touch against his back, his hand rested flat and sent a rush of warmth through him. He turned to look at him and Jiyong's eyes showed understanding. He recognized his doubts, and seemed to be asking him for his consent to go ahead. Seungri flushed and smiled. His hyung… his Jagiyah was ready to do this for them. He would be, too. He took a deep breath, and nodded. 

Jiyong turned to Yang Sajangnim and said, "Hyung, you told me, before Seungri and I had decided to pursue a relationship, that if we were ever discovered to be in one, you would support us. Do you still feel the same way?"

Seungri sat up straight as his hand found Jiyong's thigh to hold on to, while Sajangnim leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, and said, "If you were discovered? Of course I would do everything in my power to save your necks. I wouldn't have much choice, would I? Bigbang bankrolls my company after all." His lips twisted into a smile. "But why would you be discovered, Jiyongah?"

Jiyong's smile was a mirror of Sajangnim's, and there was a glint in his eye. "Oh, I don't know. I might say something in an interview or something. You know I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut."

Sajangnim nodded. He sighed out a small breath, and Seungri could see the marks of tiredness around his eyes. As much as he seemed like a giant to him, he really was just a man. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He said, looking at both of them.

"They won't stop," Jiyong said. "If it's not this, it will be something else. This way we get to choose."

"I agree," Seungri said. "And the members will support us."

"And it's not just for us. I think we have a responsibility to our fans to be honest." Jiyong shifted in his seat, and then said very quietly. "I don't want to hide who I am anymore."

Seungri felt Jiyong's words in the center of his chest. He gently squeezed his thigh, trying to convey all his feelings of empathy and support in that one motion. He'd only been confronted with his identity in the last few weeks, but Jiyong had been dealing with it since he was a teenager. He'd never truly been able to express himself to the world. The thought stung, and Seungri had to hold himself back from wrapping his arms around him. When he looked across at Sajangnim, he was surprised to see the same expression of empathy on his face. 

"Jiyongah," Sajangnim said, "If you do this, your life will never be the same again. You think your life has been hard up to now? It will be ten times more difficult. You will be reviled and ostracized by many… however," Sajangnim reached across the table to squeeze Jiyong's shoulder, "you will also be doing a great service to all those who are facing the same struggle that you have faced. And I think that alone will make it worth it." He turned to Seungri. "Don't you agree, Seungriah?"

"Yes, Sajangnim."

"Then let me take care of everything," Sajangnim said. 

When they left the coffee shop, Seungri felt as if he was walking in a dream. Jiyong was silent behind him, wrapped up in his own mind. Sajangnim had agreed. He couldn't get over that. They were really going to do this. Of course they still needed to speak to their families, but Seungri knew that both of their families would be nothing but supportive of their sons. In truth, his own mother had asked him several times over the years if he and Jiyong were dating, and of course he'd always vehemently denied it. Seungri smiled just thinking about how wise his mother was. 

But Sajangnim was going to set up an interview for Jiyong. Seungri had agreed, after an initial knee jerk protest, that Jiyong should do the interview by himself. The first step was for Jiyong to tell their fans about his sexuality. Seungri knew that Jiyong needed this moment by himself. His lover had put everyone and everything ahead of himself for so many years, now, that he deserved the chance to tell his truth. News of their relationship would come after. 

There was a silent mutual agreement between and they drove directly to Jiyong's apartment. While Jiyong packed up his things, Seungri coaxed Jiyong's cat into her cage and collected her food and toys. They packed Jiyong's car with his things and his disgruntled kitty, and Seungri climbed into the driver's seat once more. Jiyong sat beside him and reached for his hand. 

"Thank you," he said. "For everything."

"I should be thanking you, Jagi." Seungri smiled. 

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

There was a world of meaning behind Jiyong's question. Was he ready to come out to the world? Was he ready to commit to this relationship for the long run? Because in doing the first, the second was automatically assumed. This was it. There was no going back from here. He threaded his fingers between Jiyong's and held on tightly. "I am. We fight for love."

That night, they made love. Jiyong took his time pulling Seungri's clothes from his body, his touches and kisses making him shiver and burn all over. When they were both naked, he pushed Seungri backwards onto his bed and crawled over him. Jiyong kissed him deeply, filling his mouth with love and care. His hands on his body stroked and petted and set him on fire with need. He ached as Jiyong prepared himself, and when his lover sank down on him, he felt the whole world slip away except for one man. 

Jiyong rising and dipping above him, his back arched, his slim body thrumming with tension, his cock red and leaking, his eyes wide open and looking directly at him as his bottom lip remained caught between his teeth… Seungri had never seen anything more beautiful. 

He was overwhelmed and destroyed and remade all at once. When he came, Jiyong's name fell from his lips like a prayer. His lover leaned over and pressed their foreheads together, then let out a choked sob as he spilled his own seed between them.

It was almost two weeks later when the interview took place. 

True to his word, Yang Hyunsuk had arranged for Jiyong to be on the top entertainment news show. The interview would be pre-recorded and go out when the network chose to schedule it. Seungri thought they'd be rearranging their schedule to air it as soon as possible when Jiyong spilled his secret. 

They arrived at the studio together and met up the with the rest of the members and their boss as had been arranged. They were all there to show their support for Jiyong. They had asked their families to stay at home, however, not wanting them to receive any backlash should there be any. 

Seungri held Jiyong's hand all the way inside the the building, through the lobby and up to the studio where the interview would take place. People may have stopped to stare, but that was because of who they were, who Jiyong was, in particular, and not because of what they were doing. It had always been like this--people only seeing what they wanted to. Seungri had been the same, after all. All that was about to change. 

A staff member greeted them with a bow and a smile, and Jiyong's hand slipped out of his as he was directed to hair and makeup. Seungri felt himself grow cold as Jiyong was lead away, only offering him one backward glance before he was out of sight. Then another hand was on his shoulder, and he turned to see Youngbae smiling next to him. 

"Everything's going to be okay," Youngbae said. 

Seungri drew in a deep breath. "I hope so. I wish there was a way that none of you would be get hurt out of this. I hate that he even has to do this. That he has to beg for people's acceptance of who he is. He has given them so much of himself."

"Jiyong won't beg," Youngbae said. "And you shouldn't either. If they won't accept you, then we don't need them. We'll still win in the end. Because that's who we are."

Another hand found his on his other side. It was Daesung's. "Hyungie is right. We've been through worse," he said. "And we've always come out stronger."

"And Jiyong needs this," Seunghyun said from behind him. "He won't be whole otherwise. I'm sure you know that."

Seungri nodded. If he didn't before, he did now. He couldn't think of what it would be like to live in fear for the rest of their lives. To always be looking over their shoulders, not knowing who was watching or taking photographs, or tricking them into slipping up. As much as they cared about each other, even Seungri wasn't sure their relationship would withstand that kind of pressure. He looked at his hyungs around him. Just knowing they were there gave him strength to face the unknown. 

They were shown into the studio where the set was prepared for the interview. It was done up to look like a comfortable living room, a couch and a chair, tables with vases of flowers, fake windows behind, cheerful art on the walls. Yang Sajangnim went immediately to speak to the PD, while the rest of them were pointed in the direction of some folding chairs set up behind the cameras. This was where they would watch the entire interview. 

The crew were already busy testing the lighting and the equipment, shouting out orders and arranging everything just so. They worked without even noticing their presence, but Seungri thought they must have found it weird that they were all there when only Jiyong was doing the interview. 

As he waited, the knots in his stomach grew tighter. 

The host of the show came out of the dressing room first. He bowed deeply and shook hands with Yang Sajangnim, thanking him for agreeing to let his biggest star come to be interviewed. And then Jiyong was there, greeting the host and talking softly to him. 

Seungri couldn't take his eyes off of his lover. Jiyong's hair was gelled back, and there wasn't any scruff on his face, but he had makeup and eyeliner to highlight his dark eyes and high cheekbones. His outfit was classic and fresh, one Seungri knew Jiyong had picked out and sent over himself: slim cut black jeans, dark leather boots, a powder blue sweater and collared shirt. He'd kept his jewelry to a minimum, only simple hoops in his ears and a couple of silver rings decorated his fingers. One of those rings matched the one he currently wore on his right ring finger. Seungri couldn't help but smile at how good Jiyong looked, and how calm he looked. 

He couldn't hear what the three were talking about, but it wasn't too long before the PD came up to them and directed them to their positions. Jiyong took a seat on the couch, leaning back and crossing his legs as if he was at home, and the host took his spot on the chair. The lights on the set were warm and bright. Crew scurried back and forth, the stylist was on hand to fix a stray hair or powder a section of glistening skin, and after a short commotion, the PD finally called for quiet. Everyone retreated behind the cameras. 

The PD turned to speak to Jiyong. "We'll film this all in one take. It makes the interview more authentic. But of course we understand if there is something you wish to cut, we will honor your request." 

"Thank you," Jiyong said, bowing his head simply. 

"Then, if everyone is set, let's begin." The PD stepped back behind the cameras to where he could view the interview from a screen. He called the cameras into action, and the host began his introduction sequence.

"Tonight we have a very special guest," the host read from a teleprompter script, "He's been involved in the music industry since a very young age, is part of the biggest boy band in Korea, has played to sell out stadiums across the world, the most prolific lyricist in the country, and currently working on his new solo album. He certainly doesn't need my introduction, it is none other than G-Dragon, Kwon Jiyong-shi!" 

Jiyong bowed his head and smiled, waving to the cameras. "Hello, everyone," he said. 

The host turned to face his guest. "Jiyong-shi, I can't tell you how excited I am to have you on our show. It's true that it is difficult to get an interview with you while you are working on producing music, so we are very grateful. Have you come to tell us about the progress of your new album?"

"Actually, the EP is almost complete. Originally there was supposed to be five tracks, but I've decided to add a sixth," Jiyong said. Seungri smiled to himself--he had already heard the skeleton of the song. Jiyong had written it for them. "I can't give an exact release date, but it will be soon."

"Can you give us any more information about it? The whole country would love to hear your new solo work."

The corner of Jiyong's mouth curved upwards. "I can tell you that all of these songs were written from my heart, and they each reveal a little bit about myself."

"I heard rumors you are planning a solo tour. Is this true?"

"Obviously I want as many of my fans to hear my music as possible. A tour is not out of the question, but nothing has been decided at this point." Jiyong shrugged. "There really is not much more I can tell you about it. But actually, since I'm here, you are welcome to ask me anything you want to. Is there anything you really want to know about me?"

The host laughed, but the look on Jiyong's face remained serious. "Yaaa! The world famous Kwon Jiyong is here in my studio saying that I can ask him anything. Do you really mean that? Will you answer honestly?"

Jiyong nodded his head once. "I will answer you honestly." 

The host chuckled again, but the look in his eyes said he didn't believe Jiyong one bit. Seungri knew exactly where Jiyong was leading the man. He was proved right when he heard the host say, "I'm sure everyone out there is really dying to know if there is anyone out there that you are currently dating. I'm sure that's not something you can tell us, is it?"

Leaning forward, Jiyong said, "Actually, I am dating someone. It's very new, we have only been together for a couple of weeks, but we have known each other for a long time. I ask that you look kindly on us."

The host's face went white, then red. His mouth hung open for a split second before he recovered. "Omo! I hope your girlfriend is prepared for this, Jiyong-shi. You know how fans can be about their idols. Can you tell us who the lucky girl is?"

"I'm not dating a girl," Jiyong said bluntly.

Laughing, the host said, "Well of course not. I'm sure she's a woman of some calibre to have snatched you off the market."

Jiyong shook his head. "I don't think you understand. I'm not dating a woman at all. The person I am seeing is a man."

This time the host froze. The crew on the other side of the cameras gasped collectively. Seungri reached out to grab the first hand he could, and instead felt his hyung, Seunghyun, put a protective arm around him. 

Jiyong cocked his eyebrow at the host who had yet to respond. He leaned back in the chair and smiled, waiting for the next question. It looked like he was ten pounds lighter already.

The host looked down at his papers, shuffled them a bit, then looked across at the PD. "Do we want to carry on with this?" He said in a normal voice. 

The PD motioned for him to continue, his arm movements frantic. "Of course, do you think we'll ever be able to show something like this again?"

The host cleared his throat and turned back to Jiyong, but Seungri could see that his hands were shaking. "Ah, um, Jiyong-shi, did I hear you correctly? Did you say that you are currently dating another man?"

"Yes, you are correct," Jiyong said, still smiling. 

"Does this mean you are gay? You are attracted to men?"

"Yes. I am definitely attracted to men. Women too. So I suppose that means I am bisexual if you want the correct term." The host shifted in his chair at Jiyong's response, and Jiyong grinned. "Don't worry, I am not attracted to you." He fake whispered, "I have a boyfriend."

"Ah, yes, of course. You have a boyfriend. Who you have been dating. For two weeks."

"That's right."

"Is he… Um. Does he know… Is he comfortable with you sharing this on national television?"

Jiyong nodded. "It was his idea, actually. We both decided it was only right to be honest with our fans. And I don't want to keep this part of who I am a secret anymore. It's not right and it's not fair to everyone who has supported us all this time." He drew in a deep breath and leaned forward, looking directly at the camera. "Honestly, we love our fans dearly, and we want to be up front with you. We understand if you are not comfortable with us, I'm not asking you to put aside your beliefs for us, but if there is any way you feel that everyone, no matter who they are, has the right to love and be loved, then all we ask is that you support us and take care of us."

"Those are… touching words, Jiyong-shi. And you are a brave man."

"It's not about courage, but about what is right," Jiyong said. 

"Hmm, yes. But… can we maybe know more about your… um… boyfriend? You said something--this was his idea? Does he know how this could possibly affect your career? What about his? What does he do? Are your families aware? The members of your group? Do they know?"

"Everyone who is close to us is aware of our relationship and supports us. And yes, we are both cognisant of the consequences, but is that what's really important? Everything else is just… trappings. What is all of that worth if we cannot find happiness? Don't you agree?"

The host fiddled with his tie, but he gave Jiyong a nod of acknowledgement. "And this man--he makes you happy?"

"He is the only person I have ever truly loved."

Seungri felt the impact of Jiyong's words. His whole body tingled with warmth. He knew, in an abstract way, that Jiyong loved him, but to hear him say it like this… He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to reel in the giddiness that swept through him. His feet itched to carry him the few meters across all the wires and cables and onto the set to where Jiyong was confessing his love for him to the world. 

"Who is he?"

Seungri stood. He felt a hand wrap around his arm, but he shook it off. Jiyong was smiling broadly and looking directly at him from across the set. His face was bright and full of love. 

"Can you tell us who he is, Jiyong-shi?"

Fuck it. There was no turning back. So he took a step forward, and then another, and another. There may or may not have been the sound of commotion behind him, but that didn't matter. What mattered right now was his beautiful, brave Jiyong, and how much he loved him. 

Before he stepped into Jiyong's embrace he said to him, "It's me, Lee Seunghyun. I'm the one you love."


	13. Epilogue: An Officer and a Gentleman

Four years had come and gone, and Jiyong stood on a dusty road outside a military base in the middle of nowhere. The sun beat down and he felt a trickle of sweat between his shoulder blades that made him itch. Not even the breeze was cooling, blowing from the south, it was like hot breath on his face. He adjusted his sunglasses and squinted ahead of him. 

Behind him he heard the flutter of banners and the hum of low conversation from the crowd that had gathered. They were waiting, just as he was. 

A man in military uniform approached him. It wasn't the one he was waiting for. This was a skinny youth whose uniform looked two sizes too big, yet he stopped before him and saluted him smartly. 

"At ease, Private--" He read the name on the soldier's uniform--"Kim. You don't need to salute me, I'm a civilian."

"Yes, sir, I know, sir," the private said, his voice soft. "I came to tell you that you won't have to wait much longer, sir, and to see if you would like to come inside for a glass of water and some shade."

Jiyong smiled. "That's very kind of you, but…" He turned to look at the crowd behind him. Some were reporters, but the majority were fans, and they were sweating in the sun just as much as he was. "I should stay with them, don't you think? Unless you can fit us all inside."

The private scanned the crowd. "I don't think so, sir. They are far too numerous."

"Don't worry, you said it won't be too much longer." The private looked down and scuffed at the dirt with his boot. He continued to kick at the dirt without moving until Jiyong said, "Is there anything else."

The private snapped back up. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. I… I… I wanted to say thank you, sir!"

Jiyong raised his eyebrows. "For…"

"For saving my life, sir." 

The private spoke with such absolute sincerity that Jiyong had to take a step back. "For saving your life? But I never… I don't think we've met before, have we?"

"No, sir, but still, you saved my life. I wanted to thank you. Four years ago I was ready to kill myself. I had drunk a lot of alcohol, and I had the pills in my hand, but then I saw you on my TV. You told the world you loved another man."

Jiyong blinked. What was this young man trying to tell him? Had he really wanted to commit suicide? 

"I truly wanted to die," the private continued, his voice low. "But how could I? If you didn't see anything wrong with yourself, then maybe there wasn't anything wrong with me, either."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Private," Jiyong responded quickly.

The boy gave him a shy smile. "I know. That was four years ago. It hasn't been easy, but just knowing there were others out there like me, that you were just like me… I got through it."

Jiyong returned his smile and patted him on the shoulder. "You're right, it hasn't been easy. But we got through it."

"And now we could even see the marriage equality law passed. So much has changed."

"Yes. It will only get better Private Kim. Don't lose hope."

The hum behind him shifted and Jiyong heard shouts and cheers. He looked around the private's shoulder and saw another man in uniform approach. His whole body flooded with excitement the moment his eyes met those deep brown ones with their characteristic dark circles underneath. Lee Seunghyun, the man he loved, was walking towards him, had never stopped walking towards him from that moment four years ago.

"Excuse me, Private," Jiyong said, not waiting for the reply. 

He stepped around the private and started to walk towards Seungri, then he started to jog, and as he felt his face split wide in a grin, he ran, until he was caught up in the arms of his love. 

The cheers from the crowd were deafening, but Jiyong could only hear the beating pulse of their two hearts as he kissed the lips he'd dreamed of for so long. 

"Miss me, Jagiyah?" Seungri said as they parted for breath.

Jiyong buried his face in Seungri's neck and breathed in his sweet scent. "Can you tell?" 

Seungri laughed and the sound settled inside him and made him whole. "You'll be sick of me after a month, I guarantee it."

"Never!" Jiyong kissed his love's neck, then stepped back and fished out his phone. He held it up and centered the screen on Seungri's smile. "For my instagram. Some of our fans couldn't make it and want an update."

Seungri laughed again as he took the picture. He didn't think that either of them would ever stop smiling. He typed a few words and sent the portrait to his account, then, with his heart beating wildly, he got down on one knee.

"What's this?" Seungri said, his smile growing wider. 

Jiyong handed him the phone. "Look."

He watched as Seungri read the inscription beneath the photo he had only just posted. It said: _Will you marry me?_

Seungri bit his lip, then reached for his hand and pulled him back to his feet. He placed a soft kiss on Jiyong's mouth and whispered, "Yes. Pabo."

"What happened to Jagi?"

"I think I like Pabo better. Besides, I outrank you." Seungri pointed to his sergeant bars on his uniform.

Jiyong rolled his eyes. "I'm still the leader of Bigbang. You're still the maknae." 

"I guess that cancels each other out then. I suppose we are equals now," Seungri said with an exaggerated sigh.

"Come on, let's go see your fans, Sergeant Lee."

"I think most of them are your fans, Kwon Jiyong-shi." 

"That's not my name on all those banners." 

"Really?" Seungri looked up to read the banners that the fans were holding up as they cheered. "Wow. How much did those cost you? I hope you weren't squandering my money all this time?"

"Only on necessities…"

Seungri groaned. "With you that's Gucci and Chanel."

"Of course." They turned to walk arm in arm back to the waiting fans and the flash of the photographers' bulbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a few things I want to say now that we have wrapped up this little story.
> 
> Firstly, I wanted to give a big thanks to all those who read and left lovely kudos and comments. Your words gave me the courage to continue. I haven't written a full length fic in a couple of years, so making the leap back into writing has been such a joy for me, and I'm so happy that you came along on the journey with me.
> 
> Secondly, to the We Always Know crew, you are all a great inspiration and encouragement to me. I love you all. :)
> 
> Lastly, I'd like to thank Nyongtory for providing such lovely content for us fans, and allowing yourselves to be exposed to us. We love you and support you no matter what your choices are in life. Not that you will ever see this, but I want to put it out there into the universe that your fans will remain with you.


End file.
